Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What is the general consensus on women with big labia, or longer inner labia, or dark labia? Does it really matter? With the rise in labiaplasty surgery and all the adult men’s mags only showing only “neat and tidy” vulvas, it’s hard to figure out if this is just some manufactured porn ideal or a vast preference among men…?”
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): If this is anything like the reference for cut versus uncut men (which would be the only way I could relate to this question, frankly), I’d have to say it’s probably just personal preference and if most of the men’s porn rags have neat and tidy, then that might just be the preference of the magazine editors. Big, dark, longer inner, whatever, it’s probably safe to say that a general consensus among men is CLEAN labia. After that, I’m sure it’s not a deal breaker.
Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): Cosmetically, a woman should feel completely comfortable with herself — confidence in oneself and one’s appearance is key. If you want to go to a dermatologist for help for vulvar and vaginal issues, that’s totally fine. There’s no shame in it and some women, especially those who have given birth, will feel more comfortable in bed if they get work done. I also understand women wanting to take any number of healthy avenues (diet, working out) toward as much visual improvement as one desires. At the end of the day, it’s totally up to personal preference.
As far as the male consensus, let me just say that if everything looked exactly the same, think how boring that would be. Those adult magazines simply don’t do justice to the great “variety” that is out there! Anyway, everyone being different in their own way is what makes us all special (not to go all Mr. Rogers). But seriously, if a guy is with someone he wants to be with for who she is as a complete person, how her labia look doesn’t really matter — he’s just thrilled to get to be intimate with her, and all her parts.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I’m not a fan of plastic surgery, but I concede that not everyone is blessed with the same perfect proportions as me — that is, a big enough head to comfortably support some seriously outsized features.
So I understand why someone would get his or her nose done. After all, it’s out there for all to see, at all times. As for people whose face is the secret to their success, the pressure to have photogenic features has meant that movie stars stretching back to Marilyn Monroe have been getting their faces “fixed.”
The same is true for porn stars and their most valuable assets, their professional pussies. Either the big, long and dark labia are all being nipped and tucked, or they aren’t making it off the casting couch. But whether they’re being physically cut, or simply being cut in the editing suite, “imperfect” labia aren’t finding their way into pornography.
While this may be creating some impossible standards among men (and women) who can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality, for the rest of us it should be liberating. If your genitals aren’t frequently exposed to countless viewers, as long as they work, it doesn’t much matter what they look like. If you trust someone enough to let them down there, you should trust them not to put some alien porn ideal before your feelings or, more importantly, their chances of getting laid.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Most Likely To; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I’m so glad there are so many open/honest answers here. I’m 25 and I’ve hated my labia since as far back as I can remember. I had to experience the horror of starting menses at 9, but a year before I developed pubic hair, breasts, and labia minors almost EXACTLY as they look today! I’m a petite girl too so it stands out (pun intended!) even more than normal. So by age 9 I already learned to hate what I looked like “down there.” My sister, 3 years older than me, was convinced I was having sex when I was a teenager and when I said I wasn’t she would say “well ten what’s wrong with your JUNK??” So I agree, a lot of us longer ladies wait a while and are very particular with whom we show our “bits” because we are embarrassed! Labia has nothing to do with sexual partners, and especially with how tight out vaginas are! Haha. That’s a hallmark of a sexually-inexperienced person, if they think that’s what causes it. I know some people don’t like longer labia, but I wish it wasn’t because of the “gross” factor society has put on it :/
I still don’t like mine because I get tiny tears because of pulling during sex… Ugh. But my husband, who was my first (awww) has never had a problem with them even after 8 years of some pretty sweet bangin’ lol
The problem with these threads is that people who defend one type tend to insult the other. In other words, many people who respond on here are too immature to function.
Most people on here have insulted women with smaller labia and I feel that women like Dallas felt the need to defend their anatomy. We, the women with smaller labia, are not underdeveloped prepubescent children. We (for the most part) are not lacking in sex drive and sensation. We are women just like everyone else.
For the women with larger labia, you are not over-developed, you are not used up ol’ whores, and you are not deformed. You don’t need “corrective” surgery and porn pussy shouldn’t make you feel bad.
Please, refrain from making fun of anyone on here. If you prefer them bigger, tell us so but don’t make assumptions about smaller ones. “Small labia are useless and oral with them isn’t fun!” Fuck you. “Large labia are ugly and look like used-up burgers.” Fuck you.
Grow up, people! We’re supposed to be different. Same old is boring which is why variety from small to large is spicing things up.
All the support for this is good to see! I wish we as a society could be more supportive of the fact that penises come in all shapes and sizes too. It seems like people will support women and tell them they’re wonderful no matter what but both men and women will make fun of penis size without a second thought. :/ Hypocrisy.
Dallas
Touché, blind as a bat and didn’t read that properly. Tentacles testicles both nasty things to say. I don’t know why you would be nasty about others appearances and have no remorse for how your making someone feel.
I didn’t say it was you who bought on these insecurities I said its people “like” you who cause them. Just think it is a very touchy subject with women who are unfortunate enough not to have a “perfect neat one”, put yourself in her shoes, how would you like to hear those thins said about your body.
I called them “tentacles,” honey not “testicles,” maybe its you who should go back to school and learn how to read.
Your insecurity with your own body existed long before you read what I wrote, and will probably exist long after. Again, not my problem. Work on that.
Dallas people are “hating” on you as you have been narrow minded and rude! Referencing to labia as testicles you have been rude and nasty against women you don’t know for no reason! You’re lucky enough to have a pornstar vagina? Good for you darling, some of us are not as lucky and you have no idea how much strain it can put on someone and their relationships. Its comments like yours which are why women are going to the lengths of surgery! I also think you may need to go back to school and learn about the body, labia and testicles are completely different they don’t look similar in the slightest, maybe you also need to go back to school to learn some manners. I feel sorry for any one that chooses to jump into bed with you when your such a judgemental, small minded person. GROW UP!
Fergs comment has also made me feel a lot more comfortable thank you! I’ve been in this situation myself where men have told me they like the look of the neat ones but ones like mine feel so much better, I never thought it would have made such a difference but apparently it can! I also find men like to go down on me, when I let them :s.
Confidence is key, if you bring something to someone’s attention they will notice it, most of the time when men have the horn on they are only thinking about sex, I love oral sex if kick came to shove and I had to choose oral sex or sex for the rest of my life, oral would win. However, even though I try to be confident and I try to pretend I don’t think anything is wrong down there, I always cringe at the thought of what they are thinking about it and can’t relax. I have met someone who I have been with 8 months now. First time we were in bed together we didn’t want to sleep together but he touched me down there and I freaked out, thinking I really like this guy and I’m now never going to hear from him again. Before Steve the first time I would sleep with someone, I would make sure I pleased him, go down on him, and then climb on top so he wouldn’t have to touch me at all. This is really uncomfortable btw! When a woman cums your wet and your pussy opens up more…you’re ready for sex. I never was and spit just isn’t the same, I never really enjoyed sex, just enjoyed being with a man. Anyway back to Steve, so I did hear from him again, but when we did have sex he kept losing his hard on. in my head this was because of how I looked down there. Afterwards he was obviously feeling conscious to, but told me it was because I intimidated him. I found this hard to believe as before I came alone and we got serious he would sleep with a different woman every night of the week! I am also aware he watches porn every day, and even has a book called beautiful pussy, so sees “pretty” ones every day, this also plays on my mind.
I couldn’t cum with Steve for months until I felt comfortable, then sex became incredible as I became more care free with someone I fell in love with, he would always goes down on me and would tell me he loved it. I’d always cum before sex, sometimes wouldn’t be able to walk because my legs were so shaky. Once it came into conversation that I felt conscious about my appearance down there, and he just said it doesn’t matter. So if this is the case why do pornos only show women with no inner labia at all really?
About 2 months ago, in my new comfortable “I’ll walk around naked with the lights on in front of my boyfriend” state, Steve was laying down and as I walked near him he pulled at my lips, I said don’t so that and he just giggled. This then happened again while I had just got out the shower. I quickly put my knickers on and he could tell he had upset me, we got into a discussion about it, lots and lots of tears from me and he stormed off in a mood with me over it!! I felt so sick that someone I had opened up to, I had let touch me, thought loved me, picked at one of my faults and for a second time made me feel upset about it.
After he came back and had calmed down he said he didn’t think his actions were a big deal and I was overreacting. I went and did loads of research on it, was unable to concentrate at work constantly thinking about the operation. I found a chart which showed 87.7% of women have 0-3.4 inch, and only 5% have one inch like myself, I could have felt like more of a disgusting, abnormal freak, especially in such a private area. I decided to go to the gynecologist, I told Steve I was going and once again felt hurt after he said “going to get your beef flaps cut off are you”. Once he said it I could tell he knew it was the wrong thing to say but said he was trying to make light of an awkward situation, but it my eyes he just made matters worse and was very insensitive. I find it hard to believe he loves me now after knocking my confidence so much with something I’ve told him I get very upset about. I’ve tried to act normal with him in the bedroom because I don’t want to make things more awkward by talking about it all the time, but I haven’t been able to cum since.
Saw the gynaecologist and she was cold and just said everyone is different, your normal, everything is in working order, we only deal with serious cases on the NHS. This op would cost about 3 grand. I don’t have that kind of money and honestly do I want it…god no!! I couldn’t imagine anything worse. I am so anti cosmetic surgery, so I don’t know what to do . My gynaecologist told me to find someone more mature, when I told Steve he said well I don’t have the problem with it you do.
what to do?
i have large labia that hangs out of the outer lips and its a little brownish at the ends because i am half asian. i have been fingered once and i was wondering if guys can tell if you have large labia just by fingering you? because the guy never said anything after, but i havent done it since because i am afraid someone will notice im not normal. i want to get surgery because of the way it looks but also because of the pain i get when i wear jeans sometimes. should i do it? also i feel like im never going to loose my virginity because i am so self concious about them. i just want them to be hidden behind my outer lips. i also feel uncomfortable in a swimsuit because im afraid people can kind of tell through the swimsuit. i am considered i guess “hot” that is not cocky in any way i swear but will guys just be completely turned off if they see that i have bigger labia?
Okay so me and this guy have liked eachother for a while now and he says that he wants to eat me out and stuff but my labia is dark and it hangs. My clitoris is big too. Im so embarassed about the way it looks but i dont want to have surgery on it.
Does it really matter what it looks like to a guy? I mean theyre gonna have sex so does it really matter as long as its clean?
Ladies with long, lovely labia. Please embrace what you have and don’t worry about societal stigmas or movies that cast a certain type. There are plenty of us men who love sucking, licking and feeling your long beautiful labia in our mouths, around our tongues and over our lips. Personally the longer the labia the more aroused I am and the better sex we have. So as many have said, everyone has their preference and many of us prefer larger labia.
My current partner was also my teenage lover, but we lost touch with each other for over forty years. She has a lovely ‘neat’ pussy, but I’ve been with a number of others who have larger and darker and even lopsided labia. They are all lovely, too.
It is a bit like penis size. It is not the size, it is what you do with it. I’ve given cunninglingus to all types. They have all been great fun and I love variety.
Angela Goodnight’s books deal with our experiences.
I was a stripper for 20 years & saw all different labia. Men dont care, they love them all & they love women who are comfortable with their bodies. I personally have very long and dark labia, they look totally hot from behind & I made a small fortune from them.No one has ever said anything derogatory about them & I would not tolerate it if they did. We are all perfect as nature made us.
OHHHH nooo don’t freak out!!! I bet u are so hot that anything will look sexy on you, and guys should be thankful to get in your pants!!! When I was a teenager I felt just like u and I did the surgery. I don’t recommend unless it hurts in ur jeans. And why u wanna mess with teenage guys? older men are way better (I always had older guys)
xoxo
I have quite large and dark inner labia. I’m so self conscious about it… On the outside I am confident about my looks, to be honest the guys at school all think I’m pretty hot hahahahah!! The only thing that’s kind of on the outside is my small-ish boobs, because I know once everyone else is fully developed mine won’t look as “normal”. I’ve kind of come to like them though. ANYWAY, people at school sometimes talk about girls getting “fingered” and obviously there is talk about sex and whatnot. Sometimes stuff happens at parties and I’m really worried that a guy might try to finger me or something at some stage and see my labia and get completely turned off. Some of the guys seem so judgemental when they talk about some girls and I don’t want that to happen to me!! Also, if they go around telling people that I had a weird vagina then everyone will know and aaaahhhh!!!! I’ve tried accepting them and I admit, some of the comments on here ar quite reassuring, but I don’t know if teenage boys would think the same thing. At this stage they are nowhere near as mature as grown men and haven’t seen many different types of vaginas… IM SO FREAKED OUT!!
I’a a girl, and an international model, I cut my lips to feel more confortable while changing my clothes around other models. I have to say even when my lips were big every guy I had ate me out like a pig. As a girl who loves pussy just like guys, I love eating pussy as long it’s clean, I get horny just thinking of it no matter how it looks. I had a long relation ship with a girl she was so damn hot that anything on her was sexy even her huge lips! I still remember her as the most delicious thing I’ve tried. I would say girls don’t cut your labias it’s way to painful, and for pussy lovers it really doesn’t matter!!
Denise, tell him his not to take it badly, but that his cock looks like it’s been overused.
Gosh, would you believe for a second that genitals can look overused? Unless you have bruises and have just given birth, I don’t see how. And in that case, bruises or baby, he should be supporting you, not making you feel insecure about how you look. The only reason he can say that is because he KNOWS you, so he knows how many people you’ve been with, and he can’t deal with that.
I strongly suggest you back off, and find someone who actually loves you and isn’t going to invent twisted ways to insult you rather than talk to you when he’s feeling insecure. Perhaps you can remain friends with that douche, but I’d suggest to stay away from him.
(A good counter-example to the crap he told you is this : consider female pornstars. How can they remain popular after banging so many people if their vaginas “started looking used up”, since you mainly get close-ups of their crotchs in their films?)