Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “I really hate going down on guys. I’ve tried it, I don’t like it. In fact, I loathe it. I feel bad about it, but if I don’t expect oral in return (I don’t), then why should I feel compelled to do something I don’t enjoy?”
Straight Single Guy (Colin): Really there is no guy that should expect oral. It’s totally up to you what you feel comfortable with sexually and we’ll enjoy what you want to do. If you see it as a tit-for-tat deal and you’re not asking for anything, then you’re right, you shouldn’t feel compelled to return a favor you’re not receiving. As long as you’re upfront with your feelings on oral, then everything is okay. My only thought is that for the people we really care about, sometimes we do things we don’t necessarily enjoy just to make them feel good, to make them feel sexy, to make them feel special — and sometimes just to get them off. I don’t think you should feel obligated to be going downtown all the time like you’re Petula Clark or something, but don’t hurry to rule it out for good. It can be something special you pull out of your sexual toolkit only for true knights in shining armor.
Straight Married Guy (Matt): This is a tough one. I’d say it’s a very rare guy who isn’t going to want at least the occasional blowjob. I’ve actually never met one of these mythical creatures. Even if they do exist, how would you go about finding one? A personal ad title like “Must NOT Want Blowjobs” would probably result in crickets chirping in your empty inbox. So that leaves you with waiting until you’re at the point of discussing sexual details with a prospective partner to bring the topic up. Most guys aren’t going to be thrilled with your take on the matter, but sooner or later, maybe you’ll find a guy who doesn’t think blowjobs are all that great. But wouldn’t giving the occasional (special occasion) blowjob be a little easier than banking on these super longshot odds? I think so, but then I’m a guy. And like pretty much all guys, I’d seriously consider giving up food, water and shelter before blowjobs.
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): If you don’t like going down on guys, there’s absolutely no reason you should feel compelled to do so. However, there’s also absolutely no reason a guy should feel compelled to keep dating you if you won’t go down on him. You just have to find somebody who gets his kicks in other ways. The pool will be much smaller, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t, um, fish to be had.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:
- Top 10 Ways to Make Oral Sex More Fun for Both Partners
- My Love-Hate Relationship with the 69 Position
- How I Learned to Enjoy Giving Blowjobs
Great.info BJ’s are a luxury tbh
Yes. Next question?
If she expects oral sex from him, then she better reciprocate. He just might stop meeting her desires if she doesn’t meet his.
Way late to this one but it seems like the first question would be why you hate giving blowjobs?
For instance if you’re just sick of what sometimes seems like a universal sense of entitlement that would be one thing. If you just really don’t like the feeling, the smell, the taste, or the idea that would be something else entirely.
If you just think oral’s gross, period, to give or receive, then I’m pretty sure there are plenty of guys who’d be just as relieved to make the no-reciprocation deal with you as you’d be with them.
I happen to think you might both be missing out on something that’s an acquired taste, no doubt, but that can also be as extraordinarily satisfying to learn how to give as to learn to receive. But that’s easy for me to say — I enjoy both.
Good luck,
tfl
My boyfriend isn’t into blowjobs (even if I’m on my period and we aren’t having traditional intercourse.) He’s the the first guy I’ve met that’s like this, but he’s also by far the most respectful and thoughtful. He says it’s really just because sex feels that much better than oral (and I feel the same way about receiving oral.)
Both of us don’t particularly enjoy receiving oral because it’s hard for us to lay there while the other partner is doing all the work…it doesn’t feel very romantic, even though I’d argue we’re both good at giving oral! Guys like this may not be your typical alpha male – they don’t take pleasure in just watching you pleasure them – but I assure you they can still be super manly and hot 🙂 And they’ll NEVER just flop over after sex without checking in on you and going the extra mile to make sure you’re happy 🙂
But as Colin said, it feels good (at least to me) to please my partner even if I don’t love the act as much as he does. Do you loathe blowjobs because of the taste or something? Maybe ask him to clean up down there? And it’s not like you have to deep throat to have him enjoy it.
I have dated a couple of guys who just were not that into blowjobs. Just a couple in a lifetime, so they are rare, but they are out there. I second most of the advice given: find one of those guys, but don’t lead off with “I hate blow jobs.” This is the kind of info you should roll out at the time you usually discuss sexual preferences.
Yes, it really is such a big deal, I’m sorry to tell you.
As I learned here on Em & Lo, though, there are guys out there who swear they don’t like or want blowjobs. Maybe find one of them?
Not for all guys