What Do Men Think About Sex Toys in Bed?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: How do most guys feel when a woman brings her favorite sex toy into the bedroom? Threatened? Excited?

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): Unless it’s the Jackhammer Jesus, or obscenely elephantine, I think it’s generally safe — educationally thrilling even — to introduce your vibrator into the bedroom. By appealing to his sense of ingenuity and boyhood exploratory spirit, any guy would be flushed with excitement by the opportunity to tinker with an entirely foreign, exotic gadget. Whether it’s fiddling with your Tivo or installing computer software updates, technology seems to bring the best out in men; they like to get things right. With the proper coaxing (Gee, I just can’t figure this thing out!), tinkering with your Rabbit Habit’s best configurations just might be the kind of dilemma you’d want your guy troubleshooting through an entire Saturday afternoon.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t know how most guys feel, but whether it’s with toys, fingers, or ideas, I’ve felt very happy when a partner takes me into her confidence and shares what she likes in the bedroom. I like it when she “lends a hand” when we’re in a position where it’s hard for me to reach her. And when she enjoys the exhibitionism/voyeurism of getting off with me. Or when she just wants to add to what we’re doing. It’s nice even when she’s just never going to get off — or off often enough — from my efforts alone. I guess some of those reasons, especially the last, could be seen as threatening. A lot of the other reasons are just straight-up exciting. But they all mean she’s comfortable enough with me, and confident enough about her self, to show me what she likes. And that’s always going to make me happier than if she was too nervous or uncomfortable about it. If she’s comfortable enough to share her favorite toy? So much the better!

You know something I’ve always been too shy to try, though? Being the one to bring a new toy or vibrator into bed with a partner, even one I think she’d enjoy. If it’s okay for a Wise Guy to ask questions of his own, do you think it would be okay to do that instead? [Em & Lo: Ladies, respond in the comments section below, please!]

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I think most guys feel somewhere between threatened and excited. It’s adventurous, but also a little denigrating. It’s probably similar to how most girls would feel if a guy brought his favorite pornography to share in the bedroom: unwelcome competition, and too much information. (Imagine how you’d feel if a guy showed you a well-worn picture of a swimsuit model, and then with a conspiratorial smile taped it to the wall above the pillows before getting down to business?) A definite no-no for most couples in the first few months of dating. But for long-term and married couples, introducing your little best friend can help revive or spice things up, and even be a welcome relief for guys who aim to please their woman.

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  1. This came up when a friend of my wife’s talked about her adventures with her husband and their toys. To be fair, her husband cannot achieve an erection so the toys are integral to their sex life. My wife responded “He would never allow something like that in the bedroom.” But actually, it turned me on! I’m an avid masturbator… and she swears she doesn’t. I would love, love, love to watch her please herself with a toy or even with her own hand!!! The thought of it has me pretty excited right now. Hell, I wish she’d peg me…. But that’s another story alltogether. I’ve taken her to different stores just to look but we never buy anything. Hopefully I can get her into it… one day.

  2. I got some girl night outfits. to inspire my love grandpa. we have several grand children just busy working. farm folk work when they don’t. I wore my second outfit. he says “cool., this mean I get to play? while I’ve yet to muster the courage to ask. he said he used a “toy “and, he seemed to be glowing today, gave up hay to garden with me? I thought it was him! Guess I’m a little embarrassed.

  3. My experiences have run the gamut, from my completely uninterested late husband to men who have asked if I had any dildos to play with. My current (and best, by far) partner himself raised the addition of toys to our playtime and has purchased the lion’s share of what is in the “toychest” (shopping for toys together itself is foreplay). He is the most sex-positive partner I have had, completely focused on pleasuring his playmates, and isn’t the least bit threatened by current sexual technology (he’s almost obsessed with it, lol). Party on!

  4. My husband attacked me because I brought sex game and sex toys to better our marriage and sex life because we’re having communication problems, he don’t laugh or talk with me but will do laugh and talk to strangers. He went bonkers because I tried to convince him to be playful and flirty while working up to sex basically foreplay. I told him he went nutts like I was trying to rape him or make him have sex with a MAN he said he’s not in the mood and he feel like he’s goin crazy. begged him to have sex with me but it didn’t play out like I visualized in my mind. He attacked me and bit my breast and my thumb. I don’t know what happened or what to do. HELP PLEASE!!!!

    1. That is a problem. Hopefully you have gotten out of that situation by now. Sounds like he would get along with my wife.

    2. Time to get a new man. Obviously, the one you have isn’t interested in your pleasure or fun, so don’t deprive yourself of that, life is too short. It really is… Also, contact the National domestic violence hotline, google them and get help.

  5. My wife has been exploring and spicing up the bedroom with new toys. She just purchased a big 10 inch x 2 1/2 wide black vibrator. She likes to be stretched out.

  6. In the comments MMM states that Single Guy is wrong and men don’t feel threatened by a sex toy.
    1) you are a woman, you cannot state a man’s perspective , just like men can’t state a woman’s.
    2) your man does not represent every man in the world . He is just one guy . So what works for him won’t work for others.
    3) As a man, I can say YES, a man can be offended or threatened by a dildo. I’d compare it a skinny small boobed and small butt woman asked by her man if he can watch busty busty women porn while they make love.

    Ladies , if you want to introduce a dildo into the bedroom. Make sure you do it right and do it with a bit of caution. Sorry but Hollywood and Rocky Balboa were wrong, men actually do have feelings and think about what women do.

    Men, lots of women have trouble getting off. So if she wants to bring a sex you, consider it a favor that she’s most definitely thank you for. I mean, what if you had a hard time getting off and needed a little extra help?
    However, if she looks at you and says “you’re too small for me and I need a big one” , you should have no problem slamming the door on her face and leaving her on the street. We men are proud creatures that won’t tolerate that kind of insult.

    1. I think you should feel the other way. Having a small dick is really not a hindrance in the real world. It is probably the least consistently useful way to please a woman. My dick is maybe 6 inches on a good day. I rely on it to eventually get me off but not much more than that. . A toy just gives you an additional way to participate. I am older now and wish I had known when I was young what I know now. If you rely on your dick to please a woman every time you are both due for some dissapointment. Your best tools are your hands and your tongue. The size of those is not important. Skill and timing are paramount. And communication. You need to tell each other what works for each other. Focus on fun and orgasms rather than worry about your dick.

  7. Figleaf,

    I had a guy do that last year for the first time. I’m 42. It was weird because he just whipped it out and Ithought ,” Ewww. Where has that thing been?” BUT if he would have asked how I feel about toys I would say, “‘ I love them.” and go shopping for a new unused one.

  8. My man doesn’t care what I look like, heck he hardly really pays much attention when I dress up nice with make-up on and hair done. He doens’t care about that type of stuff at all. He likes when I do cook for him… At least I gained some points with my cooking and oral sex, because since I read Jacks Blowjob Guide ( http://www.howtogiveablowjobtips.net ) I’m pro 😉 He will always despise my movie tastes as long as it includes a “chick flick” but for the most part we can agree on movies to watch…

  9. @someguy re: concerns about her wanting it wider…

    This is actually something I go for in a toy. The wider dildo actually makes it easier when I’m trying to please myself and has nothing to do with the size of my husband. It’s simply that the wider dildo stimulates more of my vagina that would normally get stimulated during sex, without a lot of additional contortion and funky movement. I agree though, that if she made a point of saying it is bigger than you then she’s a rude idiot you need to drop like a hot potato!

  10. Toys are great for an older couple who want to try something new and exciting. We have been married 36 years. Due to a number of health issues and powerful medications, my equipment doesn’t work well anymore. My self esteem was rock bottom. One day as I was driving by an adult shop, I stopped in (extremely out of character for me)and purchased some toys. That evening I surprised my wife and we had more fun than we’ve had in years! We are both very happy with new ways to enjoy wild sex. My wife can’t believe the change in me and she is thrilled! If you are thinking about it, don’t wait another minute; go for it! If you are embarrased or shy, get over it. It could open up a whole new world! We wear glasses, hearing aids, have artificial joints, pacemakers and other “equipment” to enhance our health and our lives. Why is this any different?

  11. why not just enjoy it?

    we have quite a variety of toys at home and my boyfriend loves playing on me with them – and so do I 😉

    @fastthinker: get a masturbator (i.e. from dildos.com.au.tt) and let your GF “operate” it 😉

  12. even though toys are more acceptable i cant help but feel that if my wife can reach orgasm during intercourse shouldn’t need a sex toy. It just makes me feel like i’m not good enough or something. I can understand if the woman needs a sex toy to reach climax but for just fun..it makes me feel like it’d be the same if i put a paper bag on her head and watched porn while she gave oral sex

  13. @ML:
    “I had a bun in the oven by the time the wedding happened. She wanted us to have a “secret” wedding, probably so she could tell every one “the baby was early” or something.”

    That is SO funny! My husband’s family had a similar situation, in fact both his mother AND his grandmother had babies after only 7 months gestation, apparently it runs in their family?…. 🙂

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