Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn’t he call when he said he would?
Straight Married Guy (Matt): There’s a simple answer to this one: it doesn’t matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he’s forcing himself to pull back a little — or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn’t actually into you. You won’t figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what’s the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy’s delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that’s what it takes. And if he never calls back, fuck him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.
Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn’t seem desperate. But now he’s waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let’s be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren’t there and he didn’t have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he’s still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): While tempted to say, “He’s just not that…” I think not calling is more likely because the alcohol has worn off and/or another woman is already on the side. When a guy wants to get laid, and let’s face it, if he’s asking for your number, then he’s that kind of into you, the first question running through his head after getting your number is why didn’t we just go home then? Calling sets up a whole ‘nother time-consuming process that sometimes just doesn’t seem worth it. Personally, I think not calling takes real balls — not the good ones. Either you’re an over-confident prick, or you’ve got a girlfriend. You’re over-confident thinking you can get someone better (easier), or you know you may get a little somethin’ started and then have to emergency bail out of the situation. Solution: always, always take his number even though it’s just as shitty to wait around for him to return your calls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.
shoulda read all the posts lol I am dating a flake it seems.
Ok what about when your boyfriend says he is going to call and he does not call? That bugs the hell out of me, he knows it too. It is not an all the time thing, but enough to piss me off. He always has an excuse fell asleep, didnt feel good… Makes me suspicious. Am I just being paranoid?
If I say I call, I will call. It’s the decent thing. If someone say he’ll call and doesn’t he either have a very good excuse and never do it again. Or just get lost man. You’re not worth the worries.
well, there are some general traits of each sex–and there are things you can do to turn off men and visa-versa but everyone is different. you know,some men dont call in the typical way and some women do call.
if it isnt meant to be it isnt meant to be anything more than a learning experience. heartache is a great teacher. there is no way you can can make every date work out in the way you want it to.
It ain’t the same thing if the dude is your BF. You’re dating a flake.
I know, funki. Guys, they always singing that song. And my suggestion is just stop calling him and let see he gonna call you or not if not that means he doesn’t miss or care about you then i think it’s time for you to think of letting him go. Just don’t waste your time on a person who never had a heart on you.
Im really havin this problem with my boyfriend. He never calls when he promises he will. I do the calling and I’m really tired of all this and he is always singing he luvs me. I don’t even know what to do.
imet some 1 i liked afew months back.we started off very well with
out knowingthat he was married.he promised to call at night to
wish me agoodnite…he did not call but i did.quess who replied?his
loving wife asking me y am calling his dear husband late at nite.
my point is luck of honesty.
My opinion on this one don’t give out your number, because their are way to many excuses and then some, just to have your number in their cell, or whatever… always say one thing and do another… wont get my cell number…and then some… I a guy cant be straight up , then dont bother wasting my time or your time…there are plenty of fish in the sea as we all know…. F…the booty call…..
Seven years ago, i met a woman at a friend’s party. When we met, everyone else seemed to disappear. We stood in the kitchen for hours talking to each other oblivious to everyone else at the part.
I didn’t get her phone number that day – and i didn’t even know her last name. I also didn’t want to ask friends that threw the party for her number because i didn’t want to fuel a rumor mill. I did a little online research – i knew her occupation and the city she worked in. I came up with a possible email address and sent a message that if she were the woman at the party, i would like to see her again.
She responded that she would like to see me again. We had a simple dinner at Olive Garden and talked. I drove her home and told her i would call her.
The following week was Thanksgiving. A couple weeks went by and i hadn’t called her yet. I found out later that she was furious with me and wondered “why do guys say they’ll call…”
Now from my side – It was Thanksgiving. I had a lot of family stuff planned for that week. But my Father died that weekend (he had been sick for a while). Reflecting on it, i decided that i shouldn’t call her. If i called her, I couldn’t very well not mention about my father. If i told her about my father’s death, that would put her and me in an uncomfortable position. We didn’t know each other that well. She wouldn’t know whether or not to come to the funeral (and meet the family, etc…). I wasn’t sure if i wanted her there yet. (I could see how she might think it would look bad if she came or if she didn’t) So i figured that it was easier on her and me if i just didn’t call for a while.
I did call her a couple weeks later. Of course she understood my reasons (and felt guilty afterward for the things she thought about me during that time).
That woman and i have been married for over 5 years now.
My point is that you really don’t know the reasons. He may be a coward. He may have lost your number – and there may be many other reasons that you don’t understand.
Why cant you just be honest. If you want a booty call say so. Be straight forward if your not going to call dont say you will. What is so god dam freaking hard about telling the truth and doing what you say. Women have issues?? Think NOT
Perplexed I have a few gentlemen that I have been interested in recently and I have gone as far as to give my # and they keep saying they will call. One too busy the second has a girl and the third is only interested in one thing. Where have all the good guys gone….
I never knew that men will really wait to call because they did not want to be too quick and have the woman thinking ahhhh yup he’s easy, men do play hard to get still today, the reason for my knowing this is that I was with my new boyfriend and his cusin when I heard them agreeing not to call this girl that his cusin had just met , that they said ya have to wait for a few days first. I remembered how my boyfried had did the same to me when we first started dateing so my friends yes guys do it because they can.
I’m mostly with Matt on this. Barring the problems Matt cites, if s/he’s an adult s/he’ll call when s/he said so.
And I would take Matt’s last few sentences about not obsessing/distracting yourself even further: do what works for and helps you value yourself more–including your time and your sexuality–so you can figure out what behavior in a potential “date” you prefer. If you don’t mind the not-calling-when-they-said-they-would, cool; if it’s a problem, cut them loose and move on. (I speak in ideals, cos I’m still working on dealing with this behavior from others, myself. Golden rule, people! Come on!)
THANK YOU!!!!
This helps SO much.