Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn’t he call when he said he would?
Straight Married Guy (Matt): There’s a simple answer to this one: it doesn’t matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he’s forcing himself to pull back a little — or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn’t actually into you. You won’t figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what’s the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy’s delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that’s what it takes. And if he never calls back, fuck him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.
Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn’t seem desperate. But now he’s waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let’s be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren’t there and he didn’t have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he’s still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): While tempted to say, “He’s just not that…” I think not calling is more likely because the alcohol has worn off and/or another woman is already on the side. When a guy wants to get laid, and let’s face it, if he’s asking for your number, then he’s that kind of into you, the first question running through his head after getting your number is why didn’t we just go home then? Calling sets up a whole ‘nother time-consuming process that sometimes just doesn’t seem worth it. Personally, I think not calling takes real balls — not the good ones. Either you’re an over-confident prick, or you’ve got a girlfriend. You’re over-confident thinking you can get someone better (easier), or you know you may get a little somethin’ started and then have to emergency bail out of the situation. Solution: always, always take his number even though it’s just as shitty to wait around for him to return your calls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.
Hi, met up with a guy recently,we spent all night cahtting about old times. i wasn’t keen on hooking up with himn as been single and celebate through choice for two years but as the drinks got flowing he invited me backfor a ‘catch up’ didn’t mean for it to lead to more but he seduced me, said he’d liked me for ages and i thought, well maybe. he text me twice the following day saying what a great night he’d had. I couldn’t reply for 2 days but hasn’t replied to my text, anyone know why? ???
James, are you saying that there is only a 10 percent chance that you may find the woman you want to be with because she didn’t a. reject you or b. is unavailable ? In my world there is one guy and a bunch of his friends. The difference is how he treats me compared to those others. If there is a group of guys I am going to seek out the one that is showing me more attention, but if there is a dance and he bums out I reflect that to him whether or not he still has interest… He has got to keep up with the movements wether or not he is enjoying himself.
Dri.
It is not an easy thing. I hear this complaint from women saying men do not call back.
My experience has been one in which I have been the guy calling back, but most of the time ( again, my experience ) is that if a guy calls back, the woman moves on. It is as if women go after the difficult men that do not call back, are arrogant and date several women at once.
So it seems the average situation appear5s to be that a guy calling the next day is needy. So most guys are leery about calling a girl the next day. It is like a switch that turns on in the girl’s head….she thinks about this guy, but as soon as he calls, she stops thinking about him and starts thinking about those that did not.
Problem is, what happens when a girl that does not think like this average is the woman at issue? Both suffer. The guy might be losing a wonderfull opportunity with a great gal because he is making the assumptions early and w/o any grounds. He is mistaken in his belief that she would not welcome a call so soon.
Guys get rejected and even worse, ignored more often than not. In your post, you have learnt what guys go through 9 out of 10 times, rejection. Perhaps this will allow you to understand why guys do not call as often as you would like.
2 guys i gave my # to after they asked for it said they would call at a certain time and did not.
with the first one, he said he would call on a specific day to hang out. he didn’t. i don’t play games and i am an honest person and i didn’t want to make assumptions so i called him the next day and said “oh, i think you forgot to call me yesterday” he said “oh yeah i just got really messed up”. so i am done with him. guys need to realize it is really easy for girls to get a new guy and you being too drunk to call is not cute.
now the second guy was supposed to call me yesterday. i am not even going to call him on it. done!
if you are not going to call- you better be like really smokin hot or really awesomely perfect in every other way. otherwise, it is just not worth our time. i will be single before i am going to be treated like a needy ho!
james said: “If a woman is not the kind that does not want her BF to take his time because he might think that she is going to take him for a clingy guy, then she should take the innitiative and call him, so he gets the message that it is OK to call.”
This helps me a lot. Thank you. 🙂
Hi.
I think we guys take our time to call a girl we meet because experience tells us ( at least my experience ) that if call the very next day we risk appearing clingy.
Women are beautiful and challenging. What works with one might not work with the other one, so there are no generalities at all, but there is a average way in which women react. A guy that calls , not only that but a guy that calls on schedule risks becoming stale to this woman.
If a woman is not the kind that does not want her BF to take his time because he might think that she is going to take him for a clingy guy, then she should take the innitiative and call him, so he gets the message that it is OK to call.
OH and must I say THANKYOU for the advice sexy girls like me around the world are appreciating it.There nothing worse sometimes than trying to figure out why men act the way they do.
I loved the married mans advice Im so sick of playing mind games with my most recent attraction.T he one Im seeing plays more mind games then I have ever experienced in my life. I thought that was mainly expected from woman. I am beginning to realize this Hottie deserves a good kick to the curb.!!!!!:) cuz this girl is worth working for.
Shane, sorry, I don’t care you’re married for five years now, you’re an idiot, and she’s way more than you deserve. You are EXACTLY what’s wrong with guys. Chicks prefer MORE info, rather than less. All you had to do back then was let her know what was going on with you — and sure Thanksgiving could have been a simple given not to catch up because you’d just met, and no one should expect to be spending that time, but for you to have not just called and let her know your world went beserk. Sorry, you lose points on this. You left her wondering with NO word for weeks. You’d better be grateful she married you, and I hope the diamond was at least a karat.
Who cares; don’t sit at the phone. It’s not a marriage proposal or something. You don’t want a flake anyway. WAY better to know ahead of time than it is down the road, after dating for a while that he has committment/responsibility hangups.
Life goes on….LIVE IT!
one sentence:DUN KIP US GALS WAITING 4 UR CALL SAY SO IF U WUN CALL DEN WE WUN BE WAITING 4 U.
I have been seeing this guy for almost two months now and we spend almost every weekend together sence we meet.he was the first one asking me out and asking for my number i was fine with just be ( one night stand).but he will pick me up on his last day of work for the week and i will spend the night .. the day he picks me up is pretty good we talk we laugh and he tells me he likes me he tells me hes into me and he even wanted me to meet his mother and father and talks about meeting his family and he brought up meeting mine but the next morning hes different with me we don’t talk we don’t touch and the only kiss i get the next day is when he takes me home (the goodbye kiss) there was even one night we didnt have sex or kiss or anything … then he will tell me he will call me before he goes to bed or before he goes out or something and i don’t hear from him in till i call or text him.. i know im being played but im hoping im not and im just over thinking it.. what should i do????? i really like this guy but i don’t know what i should do.. can anyone help????/
i know i have actually found myself waiting by the phone waiting for him to call…but i also know when a guy has given me his number i’ve waited a day or two before calling..lol!! although since i take the city bus..i hung out with this guy and before i left he gave me his # without me asking for it, and told me to call when i got home, so he knew i was alright. should this mean anything? i don’t know:D
HI! I started to date a really nice guy who I thought might even be the one. He would tell me how much he loved me and said the day I tell him I love him in return he was going to marry me. Bottom line…he made me feel wonderful. I don’t know what happen after that. We seem to be getting to know each other better. Next thing I know he plans a trip to Mexico with friends as he is driving to Mexico he calls me and says he will call me when he returns from he’s trip in 3 days and I have not heard from him in over a week. What bothers me is that was the 3rd time he had said he would call be back and never did. I feel it is rude and thoughtless when a man does that I would rither a man tell me he is not intersted than make me wonder….what if?
jill-not a good sign–he is rude and needs a taste of his own medicine but the question is will you be the one to give his medicine back??