9/24/15
Why Do Men Like to Spank in Bed?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why do guys like to spank their partners in bed?Ask the guys your own question here.

james_glazebrook_100Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I really took one for the team here. In the interest of sexual science and sound advice, I carried out some field research with the missus. My findings: I can’t write left-handed; a back makes a good clipboard-rest; and spanking… is…… awesome! No doubt it’s wrong on some level, linked to man’s sublimated urge to dominate women — to punish them, to control them, to baby them (with all the creepiness that insinuates). But hey, it’s fun, it’s harmless (at least when you have my upper body strength), and it works both ways. Any guy that won’t let you spank them — they’re the ones you have to watch out for.

jon_rossGay Married Guy (Jon Ross): While I’ve certainly engaged in the act a few times, performing as both the spanker and the spankee, I can’t really say that spanking really gets me going. However, I am a man and have a few theories about why some like it. It’s pretty simple: power. Without getting too psychoanalytical here, spanking puts the power in our hands, literally. And while most men wouldn’t dream of harming a woman, spanking lets us get out some of that bottled up aggression in a safe, hopefully sexy way! So ladies, if you like it, let ‘er rip! We all you know you hold all the power in the relationship anyway.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): I’m not sure guys love spanking their partners. Sure, we love spanking if you love spanking, and most guys will do whatever it takes to feel powerful, confident, and manly in bed. Spanking is an easy way to do that. But really, I think spanking is a gateway behavior — an icebreaker to other more adventurous things. It seems to me that spanking, or more accurately, establishing spanking as ok, during sex is one of the best ways to add other fun boundary-pushing “enhancements,” like new positions, dirty talk, facials, photography, etc. I would argue that girls are far dirtier than boys, but far more sensitive to feeling slutty. The fear of being a slut is a barrier to more erotic sex. So you’ve got to ease into things. Spanking is safe but dirty, slightly slutty but cute. I would recommend to any guy looking to add to their sex life to start by spanking and then use that adventurous mood to introduce some other things, whatever unusual thing you are into.

Ready to try it out in bed tonight?
Top 10 Tips for Erotic Spanking



34 Comments

  1. Marian, shut up. Ok back to spanking. I think my behind has a target on it because every single man I have had some sort of relationship with has either smacked my butt or threatened to. There is nothing wrong with it and even though I’m scared of a real spanking by a man because it would hurt, there is something sooooo sexy about a man who says he is going to spank me when I am being a naughty girl. Which in my case, happens quite often 😉 During sex it is nice but I wouldn’t want a man to go over board and hurt me.

  2. Why is it that when something is explained it is from a white person’s POV? There are more colors on theis planet than pink people. This thing about a man likes to see the color of the woman’s buttock’s turn pink or something, well what about what turn’s an African American man on about spanking? Surely not her ass turning pink, because it definetly is not going to turn PINK?????

    1. I dont think its all about color or the color. I think its about a lot of things. The position(s), the touch, the taboo, submission, playfulness, sensation, feeling powerful (spanker) and co trolled (spankee) For some, its just silly foreplay because it feels good, for others its a lifestyle. I fell somewhere between the two but my partner made me feel shamed so I gave it up. Now Idk how to ask my new lover to do it, because I’m not comfortable with his sometimes immature reactions to things.

  3. Although, some people like it. I preferably do not. I am more of a lover and love Kama Sutra positions. I like to get into it then make myself get into it if you know what I mean.

  4. I’ve come up with three reasons.

    (1) Because most women love it. To be in an embrace with my man when he says, “I want to spank you…”. Wow!! I get turned on by that. The spanking itself is another turnon. (Spanking stimulates the same nerves as sexual activity.) As they say, “A fire on my backside lights up one up front.”

    (2) Most men mention the visual appeal of watching her buns turn from white to pink. I think there may be something evolutionary in that. Red indicating readiness in other primate species. So men have evolved to like a bit of color, but women’s rears don’t naturally produce the color as women don’t need to advertise readiness like other species.

    (3) There must be a power element to its appeal. Men find it fun to wrestle a little, especially if they expect to win, and with a woman they typically have a great physical advantage and are almost guaranteed to win. If you start out with her in a physically disadvantageous position, then he is guaranteed to dominate. Both men and women find this appealing. I see him as more manly than usual when I am in a spanking position.

  5. What a great intro to this site. While I may be a bit more “mature” than the average Em and Lo fan, I still feel eighteen.

    If my bf of 18 months didn’t spank me, he’d be banished. It’s consensual, little else matters. Oh, and it does open doors for forays into the world of really interesting sex.

    I long for a really well-insulated bedroom.

  6. A little spank goes a long way to opening you and your partner up to some raunchier, more erotic adventures. But I once had a guy who pushed the envelope a bit too far and treated my poor ass like a set of bongos.

    Sheesh, give ’em an inch, they take a mile.

  7. What is done in the spanking world is solely between those doing it , as long as they are adults and it is consensual . Some would also add ” sane ” here , but who know what that means now ?

  8. My husband loves to see the ripple of my tight butt (he says), kind of like watching the ripple of a stone tossed in water. I just like the sound and feel of it. We do it to one another, it’s part of our sex.

  9. `Aubrey – good for you getting rid of that guy! Sounds like a right *expletion deleted* ! I like spanking play with my BF, at my request as it had been a fantasy of mine for a long time, and he knows the difference between creating a pleasant tingle in a bit of role play and causing me pain which is a definite no-no for me. With this kind of play consent and communication are everything. I hope you find/have found someone better :0)

  10. MY ex-husband like to spank me hard randomly because I would flinch and clench when he did it so he said it felt better for him. I however would be in pain and hated it so now I can’t stand it. So guys beware why you do it…

  11. I’d challenge implication that men like spanking more than women. When I first started blogging nearly five years ago men’s reluctance to do it was a big topic of conversation among women who blogged about sex. That was one complaint and another was about partner’s half-hearted or half-assed compliance with requests.

    That said it seems to have become a bit of a cliche in mainstream porn so it’s possible that enough copycat men are doing it to justify the question’s phrasing.

    Speaking for myself, while I’ve done a little bit of spanking with partners I was generally pretty freaked about it — enough so early on to have bailed out of a relationship with someone who suggested she’d get her former boyfriend to spank her. And yeah, that was probably ignorant and certainly intolerant. But I’m also pretty sure I’m not… or at least I wasn’t… the only man to feel that way.

    The good news, having met with and listened to and read spanking advocates like Rachel Kramer Bussel, is that there’s just a lot more information about it out there now. And, assuming everyone’s willing, there’s broad, informed consensus that it can be a lot of fun.

    But as pretty much all advocates of spanking will tell you, if you give it a try and you don’t like it? Find something else to do with your partner, or if necessary find a new partner.

    figleaf

  12. It spurs me into active submissive behavior, provoking me to be more involved. So I have to agree completely with Chris. No doubt it does build up a confidence in men. When I react positively to it, most men seem to be more relaxed to be more aggressive.

  13. Chris said: “The fear of being a slut is a barrier to more erotic sex. So you’ve got to ease into things.” AMEN to that, Chris.

    As girls and young women, we were “trained” that only “sluts” enjoyed sex. I was raised Catholic and was basically told, “It hurts, you won’t like it, but you have to do it to have babies and keep your husband. The Church says so.” WOW! Talk about an introduction (my only one my mother gave me, after I came home crying after a friend told me “men pee in your cunt to feel good, and married people have to do that.” (I didn’t even know what a “cunt” was.)

    Too many women can be so many different people, but are afraid to “let go” in the bedroom. I think, if their man uses words like “slut” in a negative fashion, they are even more afraid. (In our house, it’s a term of endearment. At least when the kids aren’t around.)

    Why do men like to spank? Because we squeal! (and some of us giggle) It gets a reaction, and I think that says it all….

  14. My response to this question is “I didn’t know we did.” Perhaps I’ve suppressed my desire but I really don’t feel a predilection in that direction. Of course, I readily accept that others might but I don’t share the attraction. My last roommate and his fiance, however, seemed to be quite enthusiastic practitioners. I wish I didn’t know that.

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