Why Do Men Like to Spank in Bed?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why do guys like to spank their partners in bed?Ask the guys your own question here.

james_glazebrook_100Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I really took one for the team here. In the interest of sexual science and sound advice, I carried out some field research with the missus. My findings: I can’t write left-handed; a back makes a good clipboard-rest; and spanking… is…… awesome! No doubt it’s wrong on some level, linked to man’s sublimated urge to dominate women — to punish them, to control them, to baby them (with all the creepiness that insinuates). But hey, it’s fun, it’s harmless (at least when you have my upper body strength), and it works both ways. Any guy that won’t let you spank them — they’re the ones you have to watch out for.

jon_rossGay Married Guy (Jon Ross): While I’ve certainly engaged in the act a few times, performing as both the spanker and the spankee, I can’t really say that spanking really gets me going. However, I am a man and have a few theories about why some like it. It’s pretty simple: power. Without getting too psychoanalytical here, spanking puts the power in our hands, literally. And while most men wouldn’t dream of harming a woman, spanking lets us get out some of that bottled up aggression in a safe, hopefully sexy way! So ladies, if you like it, let ‘er rip! We all you know you hold all the power in the relationship anyway.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): I’m not sure guys love spanking their partners. Sure, we love spanking if you love spanking, and most guys will do whatever it takes to feel powerful, confident, and manly in bed. Spanking is an easy way to do that. But really, I think spanking is a gateway behavior — an icebreaker to other more adventurous things. It seems to me that spanking, or more accurately, establishing spanking as ok, during sex is one of the best ways to add other fun boundary-pushing “enhancements,” like new positions, dirty talk, facials, photography, etc. I would argue that girls are far dirtier than boys, but far more sensitive to feeling slutty. The fear of being a slut is a barrier to more erotic sex. So you’ve got to ease into things. Spanking is safe but dirty, slightly slutty but cute. I would recommend to any guy looking to add to their sex life to start by spanking and then use that adventurous mood to introduce some other things, whatever unusual thing you are into.

Ready to try it out in bed tonight?
Top 10 Tips for Erotic Spanking


  1. Hi Everyone ! I totally agree with , and love, Jon Ross’s explanation best ! ( I do NOT think spanking is ” dirty ” or ” slutty ” nor do I believe most men wish to ” punish ” us – I certainly hope not ! ) no I much prefer Jon’s response plus he’s very cute and sweet looking ! Beautiful blessings…. – Maria

  2. I have never wished to be spanked in bed–or any other time—Our sex like is very good and our marriage is very good—-but once in a while for something extra serious—I get my bare butt paddled by my wife—Its totally consenting and i sure got it coming—BUT MY BUTT HURTS Do not fantisize about getting spanked/ paddled it hurts and there are a million better ways to have sexual expression—-God! I hate the pain of a bare paddling! and i got it coming

  3. Thanks for your comment Name Withheld but — and we say this with love — your evo psych argument kind of falls apart when you consider all the straight men who love to be spanked.

  4. Mother Nature uses spanking as part of her strategy to reproduce life by any means necessary. Bare bottom spanking is the gateway to a woman’s vagina.

    Spanking is both a primitive and universally understood language between men and women. It is a signal of male dominance and virility. These were highly desirable traits at a time when survival of the fittest was of paramount importance.

    Physiologically, spanking guarantees a woman will lubricate. This facilitates penetration. Psychologically, it makes a woman more submissive. She is more likely to be receptive after being spanked.

    The old behaviors, passed from generation to generation, still survive. As a result, at one time or another, most men still contemplate how a woman would behave if spanked. On the other side of things, it is not uncommon for women to wonder how a man would go about doing it.

  5. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to be spanked by my husband. It’s a huge turn on. He likes it because I like it. I love the feeling of my butt being hot after, theres nothing better than a hot and red ass during sex! He doesn’t spank me during sex, he spanks me before.

  6. I am a girl, and I am the one who requested spanking. And my reason for that is very simple.

    It has nothing to do with power, punishment or the kind. It’s simply butt worship. I want him to show his love of my butt in a way that I can feel. Spanking is passion.

  7. It is a turn on. A fantasy easily turned into a reality. Who knows the psychological reasons. When done it is fleeting and sometimes embarrassing. I aint no marqui de sade but I ain’t no fraud…”You can be in my dream if I can be in yours” (paraphrase Bob Dylan)

  8. I love it. Im 25, in a relationship and nothing turns me on more than rough housing. It is probably the single gesture that IMMEDIATELY snaps me into being wildly turned on. From a psychoanalytical/ecolutionary standpoint i sm just a woman that loves
    feeling dominated and being made submissive in an Ann Darrow (King Kong ref.) way. Socially, i am very outgoing and a strong woman so, go figure. It’s a total must have for me personally in the bedroom.

  9. i am 25years old,married to a 26 years man,and i think it’s important to express all my fantasies when having sex with my husband,im always asking him to spank me softly,cauz just hearing this little noise exciting me.. Aww 🙂

  10. I’m a black woman engaged to a black man & I love it when he smacks my butt. He does so when we are out of the bedroom and it warms me up for the bedroom. He doesn’t see my butt turn pink, since I’m already a wonderful chocolately brown. But he loves to smack my butt just the same. I think in our case he likes it because it puts me in a very submissive mood & that is sexy to both of us!

  11. My husband says he likes the way my butt bounces when he spanks me. I will have to admit I love when he does it. It is a huge turn on. Especially when he grabs hand fulls in between the spankings. Like someone else said above I think its the noise we make when they do it. Everybody knows men like their women to be vocal during sex. But not to the extreme(when they shove a pillow over ur face) hope this helped 🙂

  12. If the man enjoy’s what about the ladeis? Sex is somethn both partners should enjoy and we don’t need to be violent about it. In conclusion.. Alwys ask your partner if he or she likes being spank during sex.

  13. Marian, I think you make an excellent point and that the evolutionary aspect, if there is one, has little to do with color. Personally, I as a woman find little excitement in the idea of being physically hurt during sex in any way. My spankings in the past have led to bruises and lasting discomfort, while tweaked and bitten nipples give me a sense almost of nausea, as though there were a direct connection between my areolas and my stomach. However, I understand that my sexual desires and fantasies are not representative of everyone, and it is apparently not uncommon to enjoy some pain/pleasure ambiguity. But why do men enjoy INFLICTING that pain? That’s the question I googled to get here. Is dominance the verdict?

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