Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!
EM & LO's Sexy Holiday Gift Guide

Good Vibes Sex Toys

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Christmas Story Lamp on Amazon


Retro Mistletoe Pics

December 18th, 2014

Just to prove we’re not total Scrooges when it comes to old-timey holiday lovin’ — as perhaps recently suggested by our brutal take-down of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” — we’ve collected some cute, retro, mistletoe images from Getty to get you in the mood, Christmas or otherwise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Dream Interpretation: I’m Christian and Chaste But Masturbate in My Dreams

December 18th, 2014


photo via WeHeartIt

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’ve been having the same recurring dream for a while about masturbating myself. Keep in mind I’m only 18, I have no intentions at all to masturbate, unless for my future husband’s pleasure, I’m not dating anyone, and on top of that all I’m a Christian. In the dreams I’m finding weird objects around my house that are straight and long, such as perfume bottles, bathroom items, and anything that resembles that part. My last dream was me not really masturbating, but weirdly taking pots out of my private part in my mom’s bathroom.

Lauri:  There may be a physiological as well as a psychological reason you are getting these dreams. Physiologically, the body needs sexual release. If that release is not provided while awake, the brain will instruct the body to release while in REM, resulting in sexual dream content. It is a healthy and natural thing, so don’t let it upset you. It’s perfectly normal.

Now let’s talk about the psychology behind these dreams! Masturbation dreams can also be the result of being pleased with oneself in waking life, hence the act of “self pleasure” in the dream. Have you accomplished anything lately or received accolades from others? If so, this is one reason why you have these dreams.

Now let’s talk about those pots. Rather than inserting them, you are removing them from down below… the opposite of masturbation. I think that dream reflects your aversion to sexual acts of any kind until marriage. Pots are used to heat things up, get thinks cooking, which is kind of what sexual activity does to our nether regions. You are removing the pots because your convictions dictate that there should be no heat in your little lady. I believe that dream is just trying to help you stick to your decision, so again, worry not.

Finally, remember that sexual content in a dream doesn’t mean you are cheating on your convictions! Rather, it is your mind and body working together to keep you on that path.

 

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

What Romance Novels Taught Me About Love (and Lust)

December 18th, 2014


by Aly Walanksy for YourTango | photo via WeHeartIt

Some people criticize the romance drama, but there are things you can learn from it.

Boys get their first taste of sexy times through Internet porn and nudie magazines—but ladies, we have erotica. Or, as the publishers like to call them, romance novels.

Now, I’m not knocking romance novels. In fact, my adolescent dream (tells you a lot about me) was to grow up and be a romance novelist. As early as junior high, I’d go to the library to “study”—and find myself in the Harlequin corner, looking for the latest enticing bodice ripper.

Not to say I had a dirty mind. I didn’t. I don’t. I don’t think, at least. But  much like my fascination with soap operas, romance novels opened my eyes into a world of fantasy, and romance. And obviously, sex.

For the uninitiated, most romance novels are fairly formulaic.  Every book has a central love story, which will undergo some sort of major conflict and be resolved by the final chapter in a way that is simultaneously sexually and emotionally satisfying.

While the overwhelming theme of romance novels is romance—as per genre classification, obviously—any worthwhile one is going to have a whole lot of sex. And chances are, it’ll be pretty darn explicit.

1. The old-fashioned notion of romance.
When I was growing up, romance novels were fairly traditional in their mindset. Yes, there was explicit sex—but it was never graphic. (i.e. He would thrust into her welcoming warmth with his turgid length, but never would any body parts be called BY ITS NAME), and there were certain old-school conventions that were never avoided.

Generally, while the man may possibly have more than one partner throughout the course of the book, the woman would only be with this one male protagonist, and usually, after they declared their love for each other in some big climactic way. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Ultimately, by the end of the book, they got married—or at the very least were engaged. Because, obviously. That’s totally what always happens, right?

This isn’t reality, but it was the reality of what publishers portrayed 15 years ago. As time went on, the new normal set in. But my mind was shaped by this bizarre erotic fairy tale view of romance and never quite escaped it.

2. Porn vs. Erotica is determined by presence of “feelings”.
I think the logic in the romance novels was that the development of the emotional relationship between the hero and heroine of the story made the sex an erotic portrayal of their feelings and not the porn it sort of was anyway. So what do we learn from this, ladies? Romanticize your torrid encounters. The better the sex, the more destined you are for a meaningful connection.

Movies, TV, romance novels—all have long subscribed to the notion that we are very susceptible to the seductive nature of the characters we fantasize about. And it’s true. My greatest fictional TV loves include Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s Angel and The Tudors‘ King Henry VIII. They are powerful, controlling men with absolutely possessive seductive qualities. It doesn’t go away. And it’s a version of this man that I’m attracted to in real life.

3. The forever love of fantasy.
I’ve always also been very into historical romances, or those set in the supernatural realm. Those that involve queens and kings and vampires and ladies, all involved in deeply sexy (err…romantic!) situations. For these, we’re obviously suspending our sense of reality. But we’re also bringing our own reality into the fantasy. We may not fantasize about a vampire falling in love with us one day (at least I don’t, personally)— but those characteristics of the hero in that novel, it’s going to follow you into your dreams, and your alone-time fantasies for some time to come. And that’s great— maybe even some role-play ideas will come out of it!

4. Romance novels could be female porn.
But not in that way—obviously, we know men react to the visual while women react to the emotional. Erotica plays into this. Have women (and men, I bet!) gotten off to these novels? Absolutely. But I think it’s also about bringing the ideas of the fantasy into their own romantic reality. And that’s a whole other story. And maybe not a good one. If your mind is shaped by the fantastical sexual non-reality— can real life ever live up to it?

More stories from YourTango:

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com

Dear Em & Lo: I Need a Gynecologist But I Can’t Tell My Mom

December 17th, 2014


Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE*
Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

I have a BIG issue. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and something traumatic has happened three times now. On occasion, when the sex has gotten extremely heated and we are going at it, his member will slip out and pretty much stab me right above my vaginal opening. The first time this occurred there was so much blood and pain that I almost passed out. Now that this has happened three times (with about 3 months in between) I’ve noticed a large tear forming above my vaginal hole and I’m afraid its ripping my urethra. Even though I’m 20 years old I’m STILL not comfortable enough to tell my mom I need to visit the gyno because she is very anti-premaritial sex.

PLEASE help.

Thanks,

All Torn Up

 

Hi ATU,

We’re not doctors, so we’re not going to touch your genital problem with a ten foot speculum. But we will say this: You should definitely go to the doctor asap! You’re a sexually active adult, you deserve to see a gynecologist privately, and you have to take care of yourself.

As a 20 year old woman, you should have a gyno you’re seeing regularly, whether you’re sexually active or not — you have ovaries and a uterus and breasts that are all prone to disorders that have absolutely nothing to do with sex. Getting regular gynecological check ups at your age is just good sense, even if you’ve never been kissed! So making an gyno appointment does not automatically equate with sex — if your mother assumes so, she’s mistaken (she’s also mistaken about premarital sex, but that’s another article).

Frankly,  it’s none of your mother’s business what you’re doing (or not doing) sexually. What is discussed between you and your doctor is also none of her business. We normally wouldn’t condone lying, but if you’re mother is standing in the way of you getting the medical help you require and you need a cover, tell her you’ve been getting bad, heavy periods lately with lots of cramping. We’re assuming you can keep her out of the examination room with you? This will give you the chance to be honest with your doctor. And remember, there this thing called doctor-patient confidentiality: your doctor can’t discuss your situation with your mom if you don’t want her to (so make that clear!).

You could also go on your own, avoid your parents health insurance (and thus your mom’s involvement), and visit a Planned Parenthood near you; if you don’t have your own insurance, they can offer you services based on their discount fee scale, which many patients find very reasonable, especially when compared to other doctors’ offices. Good luck — and get thee to a doctor, stat!

Em & Lo

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Comment of the Week: Please Don’t Go Down On Me. Seriously.

December 17th, 2014


photo via RestAssured

Reader Henry wrote the following in response to our post, “Dear Em & Lo: I Hate Receiving Blowjobs.” Sure, men who would rather get a root canal than a blowjob may be rarer than a unicorn who hates rainbows, but still: they’re out there. And for the men who feel this way, it’s not a laughing a matter. (So, maybe sorry about the unicorn joke?) Being truly serious, now, though: Feeling raped by your spouse, as Henry once experienced, is no joke.

You don’t know what you are talking about when you say that all men love fellatio. I don’t at all. My wife insists on it both ways. I refused fellatio for years but her demands finally broke me down.

Naturally I have a physiological response to it. But I’d probably have a physiological response to having a vibrator jammed up my ass and I’m not about to let that shit get started. It was a mistake to let her ever fellate me in the first place. Now I can’t convice her to stop it.
For a long time I managed to hold off (it’s not hard) and finish up in her vagina but once she managed to hold on to me and force me. I tried to pull away but she hung on. I felt raped. Being forced has left me so that I avoid sex with her until she insists. At least I have not allowed her to bring me to climax in her mouth again.

Maybe there is a good woman out there who doesn’t want to do fellatio who I could trade her with her husband who loves fellatio? Just kidding (I think) but this is serious.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

What Men Really Think About Chivalry

December 16th, 2014

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do you think about traditional gestures of chivalry like holding open a door for a woman, holding out her chair at the restaurant, etc? You know, is it just the polite thing to do, are you annoyed you’re expected to do these things as if the woman’s a baby, does it make you feel good to feel like a caretaker, etc?”

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I don’t know how I compare to the rest of the world of single, straight guys, but I still open doors, hold chairs (though less often than the door), and buy dinners. I’m not exactly sure where in the realm of online dating and pornhub.com chivalry died, but it seems to me that all of my girl friends are going dutch or paying for meals on their dates. I’m not a rich guy, but if I can’t afford a nice dinner, I cook one. And if I can afford dinner, I pay for it. I hold doors open because it is the polite thing to do, not because I am stronger than my frail little trophy dates. Sometimes I help old ladies cross the street or out of a taxi. I carry stuff for people, men and women, and I say, “Thank you, sir” and “Can I help you, ma’am?” Maybe that makes me old fashioned, but I think it makes me fucking cool.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): For me, at the heart of chivalry is respect and consideration and therefore it does play a role in gay relationships. However, chivalry does have very specific gender connotations that would be a little bit ridiculous applied to a gay relationship. I would be extremely put off if, for example, a date held out a chair for me at a restaurant. However, small gestures like holding a door for me, offering me a seat on a bus or train, or even offering me his jacket if I’m freezing would all be appreciated. In that respect both gay and hetero relationships are the same. However, guys can easily overdo it. No one should be treated like a frail and helpless object, rather with the respect and consideration everybody (well, most people) deserves.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Yes, chivalry is antiquated but just like sonnets, bodices and horse-drawn carriages, it’s also romantic. I’ll always hold the door open for my wife, or carry stuff for her, or give her my coat when it’s cold — not because she’s a woman, but because I love her <sigh>. As for other women, I’ll hold the door open — I afford even men that courtesy — but, apart from that, they’re on their own. Pretty much all of the social conventions we haven’t done away with by now are those designed to get us what we want. Just like a salesman will shake your hand and say “nice to meet you”, the average guy is only going to lend you his coat if he wants to get in your pants.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

A Line-by-Line Take Down of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

December 16th, 2014


The song performed in the 1949 musical “Neptune’s Daughter”

’Tis the season to be sexist, with the “traditional” Xmas pop played on an eternal loop, reinforcing old gender stereotypes about boys only wanting cowboy boots and guns while girls insist on walking, talking dollies. There’s the infernal Love, Actually movie which, despite its charming British accents and treacly warm-fuzzy moments, is mind-bogglingly offensive in its depiction of women as nothing more than the embodiments of men’s romantic and/or sexual fantasies. But the worst offender — particularly this year, when it seems the epidemic of sexual assault and violence against women is finally getting the media attention it deserves — is the classic winter song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”

To be fair, the tune was written in 1944, long before The Pill, Roe v. Wade, Free to Be You and Me — and only a measly 24 years after women got the right to vote. There was “no such thing” as marital rape back then (in fact, it wasn’t until 19-freakin-93 that marital rape became illegal in all 50 states). If you think our date rape culture is bad now, imagine it back in the 40s!

Which begs the question: if our rape problem is still so bad today, 70 years later, but we’re at least aware of said problem, then why does this creepy song still get so much play? Most of its new versions have been recorded in the last decade, with three new versions released in the past year! Yes, it’s a catchy tune, with some linguistically clever back-and-forths that make for a fun (or at least, fun-to-record) duet — even we can’t help but sing along! But in the age of campus rape awareness (finally!) and Bill Cosby allegations, how can so many contemporary artists (and listeners) not be more conflicted about a song that basically sanctions date rape, roofies and all?

Let’s break it down:

I really can’t stay / But, baby, it’s cold outside

I’ve got to go away / But, baby, it’s cold outside

This evening has been / Been hoping that you’d drop in

So very nice / I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice

Okay, she states her intentions clearly and they’re immediately met with his undermining tactics and pressure. And did he just subtly suggest that she’s “frigid”? Nice negging.

My mother will start to worry / Beautiful, what’s your hurry

My father will be pacing the floor / Listen to the fireplace roar

If her mother and father are waiting for her, then she’s probably still living at home — she may not even be old enough to legally drink (or legally give sexual consent!).

So really I’d better scurry /  Beautiful, please don’t hurry

Never trust someone you’re still getting to know who calls you “Beautiful” instead of your actual name — you are not an individual, you’re a notch.

Well, maybe just half a drink more / Put some records on while I pour

Do not let him do the pouring! Stay with your drink at all times.

The neighbors might think / Baby, it’s bad out there

Say what’s in this drink / No cabs to be had out there

How can listeners not be picturing Bill Cosby in a garish Christmas sweater right now?

I wish I knew how / Your eyes are like starlight now

To break this spell / I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell

The incessant flattery is a pretty creepy attempt to break down her will.

I ought to say no, no, no, sir / Mind if I move in closer

Okay, it admittedly gets a little fuzzy here (but maybe that’s because of what he put in her drink!). She shouldn’t mince words, she should say “no” flat out — and she does, later in the song! But here, let’s not blame the victim. And, yes, good for him that he asked permission to move in closer, but does anyone listening believe he would respect her wishes and not inch nearer if she said, “Uh, thanks, but I’m good.”?

At least I’m gonna say that I tried / What’s the sense of hurting my pride

I really can’t stay / Baby, don’t hold out

[Both] Baby, it’s cold outside

Ugh, now we’re getting into the tired, well-trod territory of the sexual double standard: how women need to protect their reputations and deny their own sexuality, while men have to be virulent sexual creatures as a matter of pride. Add to that his underhanded attempt to appeal to her socially-constructed feminine desire to be accommodating and inoffensive and friendly. And please, let’s not use the Blurred Lines, I-know-you-want-it excuse that she obviously would like to stay and have sex with him but can’t because of the cultural mores of the time: a person can be conflicted about their feelings, but ultimately assert their intentions clearly, as she does — and those intentions need to be respected.

I simply must go / Baby, it’s cold outside

The answer is no / Baby, it’s cold outside

There it is! Couldn’t be clearer.

The welcome has been / How lucky that you dropped in

So nice and warm / Look out the window at the storm

He’s starting to sound like Kathy Bates in Misery.

My sister will be suspicious / Gosh your lips look delicious

My brother will be there at the door / Waves upon a tropical shore

My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious / Gosh your lips are delicious

But maybe just a cigarette more /Never such a blizzard before

So the lesson for boys is: ignore her, break her argument down at every turn, steal a kiss, and that’s when you’ll start to get somewhere sexually. Classy.

I got to get home / But, baby, you’d freeze out there

Say lend me a coat /  It’s up to your knees out there

You’ve really been grand / I thrill when you touch my hand

But don’t you see / How can you do this thing to me

Blue balls are no longer a valid defense in the court of public opinion.

There’s bound to be talk tomorrow / Think of my life long sorrow

And the lesson learned by girls is: your number one priority is not to be perceived as a slut.

At least there will be plenty implied / If you caught pneumonia and died

When all else fails, use the threat of imminent death as your P.U.A. power play. Isn’t that one of Mystery’s moves outlined in the The Game?

I really can’t stay / Get over that old doubt

[Both] Baby, it’s cold

[Both] Baby, it’s cold outside

The answer to the question of why this is now a Christmas “standard” is, of course, that sexism is alive and well today as the one remaining prejudice that’s still socially acceptable to entertain publicly. Because it’s funny. Because it’s no big deal. Hey, lighten up! Tell that to the women in this New York Times magazine article who said no, were ignored, and froze during their on-campus assaults.

The only way this song even remotely works in this day and age is with the roles reversed: a man singing the call and a woman singing the return — though still questionable, at least it’s subversive and philosophically interesting. They did it in the 1949 musical Neptune’s Daughter, which features both versions and seems pretty revolutionary for the time (the pushy man is pretty sleazy; the pushy woman is pure slapstick). And those recordings are happening more often. But which of the Zooey Deschanel versions are you more familiar with: the She & Him one which turns the tables, or the traditional version with her and Leon Redbone (from the movie Elf)?

And that’s why, to all the traditional (read: sexist) versions we hear on the radio, we say “Bah, humbug!”

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

 

 

Your Call: How Can I Enjoy Sex When I Was Taught Not To?

December 15th, 2014

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I am a 26-year old-woman who lives in a country where women are under much more pressure, where rape rates are quite high, and street harrassment is common. My parents are very nice people and not that close-minded, but still — I have been raised with myths like sex hurts, you bleed, you become a wh… etc, etc. Still, I have to hide that my boyfriend sleeps over from my mom & from the neighbors.

Well, my problem is, I tried to have sex for the first time when I was 19, and it hurt soooo much that I couldn’t do it. I realised it was called “vaginismus” and I tried to get over it, trying to have intercourse attempts with different men (all end up with pain and tears), going to doctors etc. Recently, I discovered feminism and their sex tips, I bought an external vibrator, and had my first orgasm. I also could insert (once) a dildo with lots of lube. But only once you see. And I still have this problem where I even can’t insert a tampon.

Now, my problem is, I have a boyfriend who is really nice, but he is a really big guy, and he is a little bit hyperactive and impulsive, even when I say that what he does is hurting me, he sometimes doesn’t stop. He’s very keen to show his physical strength or whatever. Knowing I have lots of sexual dysfunction issues, that leaves me very angry and frustrated and closes me up even more.

On the other hand, maybe I could enjoy his enthousiasm if I was able to have sex. I really, really want to have a fullfilled, regular, good sex life and I know that deep inside, I can be that grown up girl who enjoys sex in every way. And I love this guy, so I want to continue my sex life with him. But you know, it is so ridiculous to ask this seeing I am 26, but I am afraid of his “size” and, more concerningly, his “rapey” manners.

How can I get myself to be normal and get rid of these issues? Thank you, and have a nice day!

– Love Hurts (But Sex Hurts More)

What advice do you have for L.H.B.S.H.M.? Share your thoughts in the comments area below.

MORE LIKE THIS FROM EMandLO.com:

Your Annie Horoscopes: 12-15-14

December 15th, 2014

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes. This week, we take inspiration from the big holiday movie this season: a remake of the 1982 classic Annie. We have yet to see the new version — though we have high hopes, except for Cameron Diaz as Miss Hannigan — so all the horoscopes below come from the beloved 1982 version of the film.

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Daddy Warbucks: Wait! There’s something interesting in that woman’s smile. I might learn to like her. Hang her in my bathroom.

Translation: Give someone a second chance to make a first impression this week.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Grace: You love money and power and capitalism? You know they’re never going to love you back.

Translation: Love and power and capitalism will never love you back.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Annie: The sun’ll come out, tomorrow, so you gotta hang on till tomorrow. Come what may. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow. You’re only a day away.

Translation: Have you heard of Tinder, by any chance? Keep swiping, baby!

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Daddy Warbucks: Your teeth are crooked.
Grace: I’ll get them fixed.
Daddy Warbucks: I like them crooked.
Grace: I’ll leave ‘em.

Translation: Don’t go changing, because you’ll eventually find someone who loves you just the way you are.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Annie: I didn’t want to be just another orphan, Mr. Warbucks. I wanted to believe I was special.
Daddy Warbucks: You are special! Never stop believing that!

Translation: Don’t let the cheating bastards get you down.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Miss Hannigan: What are you just standing around here for? You’re supposed to clean the bathroom and the kitchen before lunch, my little pig droppings, and if you skip the corners, there will be no lunch.

Translation: Trying to find the love of your life can sometimes feel like a full-time job with no pay. But the effort will pay off soon.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Orphans: It’s the hard knock life for us / Steada treated… we get tricked! / Steada kisses… we get kicked! / It’s the hard knock life!

Translation: When your Tinder date kicks you in the heart instead of kissing you on the lips, remember that life is a song if you know how to sing it. Aka The worst dates make the best stories. And, hey, it could be worse: You could be an orphan during the Depression, too.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Miss Hannigan: Some women are drippin’ with diamonds / Some women are drippin’ with pearls / Lucky me, lucky me, look at what I’m drippin’ with / Little girls!

Translation: If you hang out with only losers, you’ll end up dating losers, and if you date only losers, you might marry one. Change your scene before it’s too late and you end up drinking alone in your bathtub.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Annie: I don’t need sunshine now to turn my skies to blue. I don’t need anything but you.

Translation: Lucky you, you’ve found someone to cuddle with during this long, cold winter season. Make sure you don’t accidentally screw things up after a couple of eggnogs at the holiday party!

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Annie: Girls are easier to get used to than boys.

Translation: If you’re struggling to find the perfect match for you, maybe the problem isn’t in the people you’re meeting, but in your search criteria. Perhaps you don’t even know what your perfect match looks like. Consider widening your search and be open to surprises.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Grace: How would you like to spend a week with Mr. Warbucks at his house?

Translation: Be prepared to be swept off your feet. And also: Feel free to use the term “Daddy Warbucks” during dirty talk this week.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Annie: When my folks left me at the orphanage ten years ago, they left a note saying they’d come back to get me as soon as they could, and they kept the other half of this old locket so I’d know them when they came.

Translation: People lie! People break promises! People don’t always mean what they say. Especially in the pursuit of sex. People disappear, people stop calling, people Tinder under the table during first dates. People can be assholes. Move on, little lamb, before you get hurt anymore.

MORE FROM EMandLO.com:

How to Write a Love Letter Like Georgia O’Keeffe

December 12th, 2014

“Blue Flower,” 1918

We’re not surprised in the slightest to discover that Georgia A-Flower-Is-Never-Just-a-Flower O’Keeffe was quite the steamy letter writer. Her love letters to the (ahem, married-at-the-time) photographer and modern art promoter Alfred Stieglitz were published as part of an exhibit at the Whitney Museum of American Art  a few years back. The two married eventually, and Stieglitz cheated on O’Keeffe eventually, too, so we guess karma already did all the judging for us. Which is not to say that you shouldn’t learn from (and take notes on) the passion conveyed in the following letter — it’s good stuff. We would just argue that, though more challenging, the same kind of intensity can be found in loving relationships that don’t have stakes-raising, taboo-tingling adultery at their core. We would also argue for better grammar and punctuation.

From New York

13 June 1918
You will be here in a few minutes I guess but I have to get up and write you – its necessary – I must – I’ve been lying here listening for you in the dark – my face feels so hot Aching for you way down to my finger ends – an actual physical ache –
As I came up the street into the sunset after supper – I wondered – can I stand it – the terrible fineness and beauty of the intensity of you – I do not know – may yet have to run away – it seems almost too much –
…
And lying here – wanting you with such an all ache – not just wanting – loving – feeling – all the parts of my body touched and kissed – conscious of you
A volcano is nothing to it
No words I know say the hotness – consumingness of it
Still I some way feel I can be quiet when you come can control myself
Feeling it grow though—I seem to feel that the moment will come when I cant control myself when I’ll be blind and mad
…
The woman you are making seems to have gone far beyond me – Almost out of sight

MORE LIKE THIS FROM EMandLO.com: