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Dream Interpretation: My Boyfriend Beat Me

October 30th, 2014

 

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that I was in a room trying to hide. I hid in the closet and then under the bed my boyfriend came in and took me from under the bed and started to beat on me. Later the scene changed we were in a parking lot in his car and he had told me he’s back to seeing the mother of his child. Only, it wasn’t the one I knew of, it was a new one. He had gotten someone else pregnant and she was going to have a daughter, but I was pregnant also. In the dream I hadn’t told him I was pregnant, but it was weird because as he was telling me he was looking down at my stomach.

Lauri: Hiding in a dream is a tell tale sign there is something in real life you do not wish others, or someone in particular, to know. Hiding under a bed in a dream means this either an issue that keeps you up at night, or it is an issue that involves intimacy. It could even be thoughts or feelings you are keeping to yourself.

Your boyfriend pulls you out and proceeds to beat you in the dream. I really hope this is solely a dream incident and is not reflective of real life. Because if this happens in real life… GET OUT NOW! If it’s only a dream beat down, then this is more likely connected to you beating yourself up over something in regards to your relationship.

In the dream you also wind up in a parking lot, which means something in your life is stuck or on hold at the moment, no longer progressing forward. It’s probably your relationship. The reference to his baby momma tells us this is an issue for you. Maybe there is jealousy there. Or maybe the dynamics of their relationship is an indicator of what you can expect in your relationship with him. Your subconscious mind brought it up because there is something there you need to pay attention to.

His impregnation of someone else most likely symbolizes that he has started up an interest in something that you may be worrying is taking away from you. Also, you have another reference to hiding something at the end of this dream with not telling him about your pregnancy. It sure seems to me that your dream is trying to show you that things will continue to develop and grow, like a pregnancy, if this hidden issue isn’t worked out. Honesty is always the best policy in a relationship. Work this out, sister, before it gets bigger than it is right now.

 

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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5 STDs You Should Worry About More Than Ebola

October 29th, 2014

photo via flickr

Yes, yes, yes, you should be very concerned about Ebola… if you’ve traveled to Liberia recently. (Or know someone who has.) But you should be very concerned about STDs… if you’ve had sex recently. Especially if you’re not in a long-term, monogamous relationship with someone who would never cheat on you (and, sorry folks, there’s no guarantee of this in life).

We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that a lot more of you have had sex than have been to Liberia. Yes? In which case, below are five infectious diseases you should focus on instead. Because more than half of all of us will get at least one STD at some point in our lives.

So remember: Practice safer sex, and get tested regularly, by your doctor, or at your local Planned Parenthood Health Center. Oh, and get a flu shot, too! Because that’s one thing that’s definitely more likely to kill Americans than Ebola this year.

1. Human Papillomavirus (HPV)
HPV is massively “popular” in this country (you probably have it, actually), and it’s a tricky little STD: it takes a second to contract, but a lifetime to understand. So check out the easy-to-digest video we made that tells you everything you need to know about HPV. And browse all our posts on HPV here.

2. Herpes
Got herpes? You might. More than one in five Americans is infected and less than a third of them know it. This is in part because it is so easily spread, even when there are no visible symptoms. Yowza! Browse all of our posts on herpes here to learn more.

3. HIV & AIDS
The biggie. The grand poobah. The mother lode. The leader of the pack. The only STD in history to get its own Broadway musical. The scary monster that really could be under your bed. It might seem like old news, and this is bad news, because old news usually means new nonchalance. And about 1 in 6 people with HIV don’t know they are infected, after all. Read up on HIV & AIDS at Planned Parenthood.

4. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)
Not an STD in itself, this is rather a common and serious complication of some STDs — it develops when an infection (usually untreated chlamydia or gonorrhea) spreads up from the vagina and cervix into the fallopian tubes, uterus, and ovaries. More than one million U.S. women get PID every year. Often, there are no symptoms, and, left untreated, it can lead to infertility, ectopic pregnancy, and chronic pain. Read more at Planned Parenthood.

5. Chlamydia & Gonorrhea
Yes, chlamydia and gonorrhea are easily treated and cured, but the symptoms for these two STDs can be easily missed, or easily mistaken for something else, like a yeast infection. And if you don’t treat these two, they can both cause serious complications, especially in women (see PID, above). Read more about the complications of these two STDs at Planned Parenthood.

… So, next booty call, or next one-night stand, or next time you sleep with someone new, think about asking them to discuss their sexual history — when they were last tested, what STDs they have had or still have, if they always use condoms, etc. And then, only then, may you ask them if they’ve traveled to Liberia recently!

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A Guide to Sketchy Ballot Measures This Election Day

October 29th, 2014


photo via Ms. Blog

The Ms. Magazine blog created this infographic showing the four states where there are big ballot measures that could severely impact women’s rights. If you live in one of them, educate yourself. Even if you don’t, pass this along to someone who does:

In Colorado: Vote NO on amendment 67 and protect access to abortion and birth control. Learn more about the “personhood” measure and your voting rights here.
In Oregon: Vote YES on measure 89 and enshrine women’s equality in the state constitution. Learn more about Oregon’s Equal Rights Amendment and how to vote here.
In North Dakota: Vote NO on measure 1, which would ban abortion and most birth control by redefining “personhood.” Learn more about the amendment and how to vote here.
In Tennessee: Vote NO on amendment 1—don’t let the state take away women’s right to abortion. Learn more about the constitutional amendment and your voting rights here.

Feminist Campus and Feminist Majority Foundation have a state-by-state list of all the other sketchy ballot measures to watch out for this Tuesday, November 4th.

And Planned Parenthood has a great Voter Guide: You just enter the zip code you vote in, and PP gives you the state and federal candidates they endorse. Enter your full address and they’ll even give you your polling place!

Find out where to vote, make a plan to get there, and then make sure you follow through this Tuesday to help ensure we move forward, not backwards, when it comes to reproductive freedoms and women’s rights.

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The Kind of Date Night You SHOULD Be Having, According to Science

October 29th, 2014


from YourTango.com | photo via Flickr

My name is Amanda Chatel, and I’m excited about my date night!

A few days ago I signed my husband and I up for one of those drink while you paint date nights. A bunch of my friends have done it, and since my husband and I could agree on the fact that we’re both good at drinking, but bad at painting, it seemed like a great way to spend an evening together. You know, actually doing something, as opposed to doing the nothing that we usually do together. Our class is next Thursday, and I have to say, I’m pretty excited. I never thought I’d be excited about such a thing, but I am. My name is Amanda Chatel, and I’m excited about my date night!

My husband and I don’t really go out on dates; we never really have. I sort of tagalong with his friends or he tagalongs with mine, but as for mutually decided upon dates, we just don’t do it enough. Science says this is wrong. Science says if my husband and I want to step up our game, we need to spend our time doing “shared relationship activities.” I guess it’s a good thing I signed us up for that drink while you paint class, before everything fell apart.

From two different studies of more than 350 long-term relationships, came findings that activities, in which the partners shared the experience, were really beneficial for the healthand overall quality of the relationship. It was these couples that reported greater satisfaction, less stress, and were even closer than those couples that just did “things” without “purposefully” engaging in activities. If only one half of the couple is having fun, and the other is just faking it, then no good can really come of it, because someone is going without. The study found that situations like that can actually lead to more stress within the relationship.

Although making the effort and finding the energy to actually plan a well-thought-out activity that you’ll both enjoy may seem trying at times, it’s a necessary part of having a successful relationship. Having fun and sharing a laugh outside of the usual walls in which you and your partner spend your time is essential in allowing for the relationship to grow.

Even if you don’t have the funds to go on a hiking trip or sign up for a class (that drink while you paint class wasn’t cheap!), it’s still paramount to find other activities that will interest you both and keep the love alive. Yes, by golly, you have to make an effort to keep the love alive!

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: It’s Science: THIS Type Of Date Night Improves Your Relationship 

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Comment of the Week: I’ve Got a Problem with EMandLO.com

October 28th, 2014

When we started reading Dave’s comment today, we thought, “Oh no, what have we done now?” Turns out it’s not us who are the problem, it’s our readers:

I have a serious problem with your website.

Almost every time I read something on your website and want to comment on it, I find that someone else has already said nearly exactly the right thing and in a more elegant fashion than I probably could.

I really enjoy reading the witty and intelligent things your readers have to say but it makes we feel less special when your readers get it right before I can post anything most of the time.

I guess this is the cost of hanging out with cool/smart people.

Dave

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What Straight Guys Really Think About Backdoor Play

October 28th, 2014

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie):
I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia.  If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom.  However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker.  Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public.  I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate.  Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good.  It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Porn sites where supposedly straight men have sex with other men are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Your Call: Can He Skip the Couples Costume This Halloween?

October 27th, 2014

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader.  

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE*
Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

My girlfriend wants to do a couple’s costume for Halloween this year. I don’t. I think it’s cheesy and annoying. But I know how happy it would make her. Still, I really don’t want to. Can I stand my ground or am I just being a jerk, especially if I’m going to dress up anyway?

A Reluctant Clyde to Her Bonnie

 

What should ARCTHB do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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Your Halloween Horoscopes: 10-27-14

October 27th, 2014

pumpkin_puke_421photo via Flickr

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
What’s the hurry? Take your time and get to know a potential partner a little before considering becoming intimate. In the meantime, bob for apples without using your teeth to practice for the oral sex to come later.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Being a stickler about guests wearing costumes to the party you’re throwing tonight is great…to a point. Yes, when people feel they don’t have a choice, they feel less weird about dressing up — and getting everyone on board means no party poopers to make the participants feel like assholes for dressing up as Sexy Ebola. But some people are so against getting outfitted, that they’d rather not attend than be forced to wear a hospital gown or a kitty cat outfit. And are you really going to turn someone away who doesn’t show up in drag? Sometimes it’s good to let things slide a little. This, of course, is a metaphor for your love life.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Trick or treat, smell your feet, give your partner something good to eat — this is the best dating advice we can offer you for tonight.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Halloween Issue

October 27th, 2014


The 10 Sexiest Scary Movies
Horrifying and hot.


The 10 Most Romantic “Monster” Movies
Love can be scary.


Can He Skip the Couple’s Costume on Halloween
How far should he go for love? It’s your call.


How to Have Sex with a Vampire
A top 10 for all you Twilight fans.


Are Halloween Couples’ Costumes Cute or Cloying?
What do you think? Let us know!


Halloween Haiku Contest Winners
please, babe? just the tip? / he thrusts, and…did it break off? /
no more zombie sex


Wise Guys: How Can I Get Him to Dress Up for Halloween?
You’re into the fantasy and fun, he’s a fuddy-duddy.


Halloween Is for Roleplaying
It’s the perfect excuse to become someone else for the night…


Should He Use Halloween to Introduce Her to His Kinky Side?
Your call.


Poll: What Do You Think About Sexy Halloween Costumes?
Tacky or liberating?


How to Really Enjoy National Chocolate Day.
Here are some naughty ways to spend October 28th.


How Not to Kiss Like a Zombie
A step-by-step guide.


Wise Guys: What’s the Best Costume
You’ve Ever Seen a Woman Wear?

Only one out of three votes for the “sexy” route!


My Fiance Bit Me Like a Vampire in My Sleep
And I liked it.


Top 10 Couple’s Costumes for 2013
Heavy on the “Breaking Bad.”


Top 10 “Sexy” Halloween Costume Ideas for Men
Why should women get to have all the “fun”?


Top 15 Worst “Sexy: Halloween Costumes
Sexy Bacon vs. Sexy Elmo: Who wins?

The 10 Saddest Things About Being Single

October 24th, 2014

by Shireen Dadkhah for YourTango.com  |  photo via flickr

Trust me, you don’t understand what it means to be lonely.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve watched my friends pair off. Temporarily and fleetingly in high school, longer and more lasting in college, and now, permanently. Throughout it all, I’ve remained single. Too shy, too insecure, too…whatever. I got used to my role as the Single One—I was even okay with it. As an introvert, I not only like my alone time, I need it. But, somewhere along the line, I stopped just being single and started being lonely. Most days I’m both. And try as my paired up friends might, they don’t seem to fully understand what it’s like to watch everyone around you fall in love. They don’t understand what it means to be lonely. So let me tell you.

1. You are nobody’s first priority. Between boyfriends and girlfriends and spouses and kids and church, there’s always someone before you on the priority list. I don’t have that one person I come home to at the end of the day, with whom I share all the mundane details of my life. So I parse them out between friends and family, sometimes oversharing because I just need someone to validate my existence. I’m not saying it’s wrong that I’m not the top priority (of course family should come first). But for the perpetually alone sometimes it’d be nice to be first. Just once. Just for a day.

2. Physical touch is a thing for other people. When you’re not part of a couple and you’re living alone, physical touch goes out the window. And not just sexy, intimate touches. I’m talking mundane, everyday, almost-no thought-put-into-them touches. Last week, I realized it had been months since I’d been touched by another person. For as much as I value and need alone time, nothing is more isolating than realizing no one has touched you in over a month. Nothing.

3. Jealousy is green and ugly and real. I don’t want to be a jealous person. I don’t like being a jealous person. But when the loneliness is overwhelming and all-consuming, I can’t help it. I can’t help but be jealous of the fact that other people have someone to come home to—that they have the occasional unthinking brush of hands and take so much for granted.

4. There’s physical pain associated with being lonely. It’s not something you know until you’ve experienced it, and it’s hard to describe. But it actually hurts to be lonely. It’s an ache in your chest, a heaviness that you can’t shake, a longing that only the touch of another person can soothe.

5. Being the third wheel sucks. No matter how much I like my friends’ significant other (and really, they’re great!), I don’t want to be the third or fifth wheel. A little part of me dies every time I have to plaster a smile on my face and joke to the waiter that the bill is going to be split, “Two, two, and me. Just me.”

6. Friendship isn’t enough. This one is hard. I have an outstandingly good group of friends and family, but as much as I want them to be (and as much they wish they could be), they aren’t enough. I’ve tried really hard to make them enough, but it’s like forcing a puzzle piece into a spot it doesn’t belong. You can push and push and push, but it’s never going to quite sit right.

7. Everyone is part of a couple. Or maybe it just seems that way when you’re not. But from my point of view, everywhere I look, I see couples. Even events are geared towards couples. Have you ever tried cooking for one? It’s not pretty.

8. The grass isn’t greener. Stop telling me how you’d love to have some peace and quiet or a night where no one touches you. Because that’s not what I’m talking about. There is a profound, bone-deep difference between “alone time” and being lonely. Comparing the two or romanticizing something I consider painful undermines my feelings and makes me hate you a tiny bit.

9. This isn’t a “lifestyle” choice. Plenty of folks choose to be single. Nobody chooses to be lonely. That’s part of the problem. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. But it’s not something I can fix on my own.

10. No one gets it. It’s kind of like the Dead Dad’s Club. (Please lower your pitchforks and allow me to explain.) Until you lose your dad, you don’t know what it’s like. You can sympathize and you can think, “Oh, that’s really sh*tty,” but you can’t really empathize. And it’s true for loneliness, too. Unless you’ve experienced it—unless you know what true, deep, painful loneliness is like—you don’t get it. And, well, that just makes things all the more lonely, doesn’t it?

This post originally appeared on YourTango