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PINO: The 1st Pleasure Product Exclusively for…Bankers?

November 21st, 2014


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Okay, it’s actually a gift set for men, but our friends over at LELO decided to have a little fun with the marketing, explaining that the banking angle “gave us the opportunity to come up with loads of banking puns: Deposit; Hostile takeover; Double dip; Sperm bank; The Ultimate Stimulus Package…”

So what’s the hook? “Bankers screw us so often, we may as well get some pleasure out of it.” Funny.

PINO, “the first pleasure product made exclusively for bankers” [and those are big air quotes], is by far and away the most luxurious vibrating couple’s ring money can buy, presented in LELO’s most premium gift box ever. The perfect gift for the powerful man who has everything and still wants more, inside you’ll find:

  • Cufflinks: A pair of engraved silver cufflinks that hint subtly at your expertise at market penetration.
  • Money Clip: A chromed money clip bearing the mantra of many a successful trader: Always Be Closing.
  • PINO™: The powerful, 10-function vibrating couple’s ring from our Insignia range, with a unique ridge design to add some liquid to your assets. (100% Waterproof & USB-Rechargeable.)

But again we ask, why single out bankers? LELO’s (fairly tongue-in-cheek) spiel:

Wall Street can be a cut-throat place, and everybody wants a slice. We believe it’s in our interest to keep Wall Street smiling because, if the moneymen are happy, it’s usually good news for the rest of us.

But that’s not all. Bankers and traders are famous – or infamous, more accurately – for their insatiable excesses and recklessly hedonistic lifestyles. Sure, the movie portrayals are undoubtedly exaggerated, but there is a foundation of truth beneath the Gordon Gekkos and Wolves of Wall Streets we see in the cinemas. They are, after all, based on real people. LELO is in a unique position to stimulate that market.

Since a large section of sex toy early adopters tend to come from the financial sector, we are only too keen to service their demands and desires, as we do for so many other core sections of our most loyal customers. Bankers, though, have sex differently from most of us. For most of us, sex is an appetite. In the male-dominated, testosterone-drenched world of banking, it’s an obsession. We need to make sure they’re doing it right. PINO™ is kind of an outside consultant in that respect: it’s not cheap, it’s very flashy, and by the time you need it, it might already be too late.

But should we really be lavishing the greedy, morally bankrupt jerks of the world with nice presents? And what about the female jerks in finance? Do they get their own high-end, high-powered gift package?

It’s not as flashy, but how about we just think of the PINO Pleasure Set as the perfect splurge this holiday season for the man — not the jerk — in your life who sometimes has the occasion to wear cufflinks? Because that couple’s massage ring looks like it’ll be a pretty sweet present for you, too!

Dream Interpretation: My Dead Husband Came Back for Sex

November 21st, 2014

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I dreamed that my deceased husband came back and all he wanted was sex. At the same time I said, “Don’t you see me, I’m losing all my teeth.” Then he got mad at me and said, “No, we better not, you might get sick.”

Lauri:  I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I can see how this dream would have you scratching your head. It is more likely that this dream is trying to help you with life after him, rather than it being him coming through to you in the dream.

I don’t know how long it’s been since he passed, so I am going to assume it’s recent enough that you are still adjusting. His desire to have sex is really your desire. Remember, this dream is a creation of your own mind, so everything in it is of you.

It’s very interesting that you turn him down due to concern over losing your teeth. While that would surely kill the mood in real life, I think it is actually more symbolic of something you feel you are losing. In my research I have found that when we lose teeth in a dream, it is because we have allowed something out of our mouth that should have stayed in there permanently, we said something without thinking about it first. Is there anything you wish you had never said to your husband before he passed? Or is there something you wish you had said?

Losing teeth can also be connected to feelings of being inadequate. Have you been feeling less of a person since your husband passed? He then proceeds to get angry with you. Remember, this is really YOUR anger. Are you in the anger phase of grief? Or are you angry at yourself about something?

Whatever it is, you are told in the dream that you might get sick. Pay attention to whatever you are told in a dream because it is coming from your wise, subconscious, intuitive self. Have you been making yourself sick with grief, regret, anger or anything similar? Your dream states you might get sick, so it’s not an issue yet, but perhaps getting close. So take care of yourself, forgive yourself, and love yourself. It’s going to be okay.

Dreamer’s Response: Thank you so much. I’m pretty sure you hit this right on the nail. I lost my husband 18 months ago. I have always felt that I didn’t tell him enough how much I loved him. And that I had guilt that I didn’t care for him long enough. Because he died so quickly. And yes I do feel inadequate. I miss him so much. He is all had. … again, thank you.

 

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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5 Ways to Look at Your Partner In a New Way

November 20th, 2014


by Leslie Saul for YourTango  |  photo via flickr

Anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship at least once in their lives knows what I’m talking about when I bring up the dreaded relationship rut. When you first start dating someone, they seem to be all you think about. You may find yourself daydreaming or having trouble sleeping at night. Maybe your phone battery even dies more quickly because you’re constantly checking it to see if they’ve texted or called. It’s like you’re walking on air, in love, and you’ve never felt more energized or excited than you do when you get a glimpse of him or her.

This stage of the relationship is called the “romantic love” stage, better known as the “honeymoon” phase. You spend a ton of time learning about your new flame and going on dreamy dates to get to know each other better. You probably have a few “Pinterest-perfect” moments, and give each other small tokens of affection to show you’ve been thinking about each other. You really want these newfound feelings to last forever, but you are soon disappointed when you find out they won’t.

You’re not alone though! The “romantic love” stage of a relationship usually does not last any longer than 18 months. This may vary some with how quickly you rush into the relationship. For example, if you move in together right away, you might just become disillusioned with your new love a lot more quickly than if you’d taken things slower.

It is entirely normal for a relationship to enter a “rut” once the “honeymoon” phase passes, for a number of reasons:

  • Getting too comfortable
  • Routine becomes boring
  • Experiencing a dry spell
  • Dampening of desire

The Truth About Relationship Ruts

Ruts are easiest to get into when you live together, whether you are married or not. They are especially easy to bump into when you have children, as they require so very much of each partner’s time and attention. It is also possible for a couple that is still in the dating stage—you don’t live together, you aren’t engaged, you are serious” but you aren’t ready for that next step—to enter into a relationship rut.

Thanks to our culture’s unrealistic portrayal of love in fairy tales, movies, books, and television shows, many men and women assume that bumping into a relationship barrier (like an over-done routine, lack of gratitude, boring sex life, or lack of communication) means that the relationship is doomed.

They take it as a sign that things have run their course and the person they are with is just not “the one.” Sometimes, they end the relationship without ever broaching the topic with their partner. This is NOT the course of action you should be taking if you’re in a relationship rut; instead, you need to recognize it for what it is, talk to your partner about your feelings, and come up with some solutions to turn it into something positive that will strengthen your relationship.

If you don’t talk to you partner about your boredom, lack of desire, or feelings of being unappreciated, they will start to fester. As they do, you will become hypercritical of your relationship and focus on your partner’s negative traits, rather than their positive ones. This is one of the quickest routes from rut to break up, which is probably not what you want if you’re reading this article. Right? So talk to your partner; they very well could be feeling the same things that you are.

If so, try incorporating some of these tips into your daily lives and see where they take you. Not all relationship ruts originate from the same source (boredom, not spending enough time together, not showing each other enough appreciation), and each and every one may not be effective—but one of them is bound to be.

Try sitting down with your partner and talking about which ideas you two think would be most effective for renewing your relationship … then, get going!

1. Renogatiate with your partner.

Do you remember the conversations you used to have in the beginning of your relationship? The ones where you laid out your boundaries, got to know each other’s deeper thoughts and selves, and maybe even made goals for the future together? The things you learned then may not apply anymore now, as you and your partner have grown and changed over the course of your relationship.

Therefore, it is important to take the time to have these conversations every so often as your relationship progresses, as you grow and change as individuals. Try thinking of the situation as a time of renegotiation with your partner.

2. Give each another some space.

When you first started dating your partner, you weren’t around them 24/7. You had time to focus on your own passions and they had time to focus on theirs. Effectively, you were more resistant to burn out and quite possibly more interesting as individuals. There might be some truth to the old clichĂ© “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” after all. Why not take advantage of that to better yourself and strengthen your bond at the same time?

3. Have sex.

Even if it’s just a quickie, an intimate interaction can reinforce the bond that you share and remind your partner of your attraction to them. It’s a simple way to show that you care, but it cannot fix your problems all on its own.

If the belief that your sex life is boring and contributing to your rut, try something novel together—making love in a new place or position, role playing, or incorporating toys. Just make sure that you’re both comfortable. The vulnerability that trying something new affords will leave you feeling closer than ever, with a newfound trust.

4. Shake up the routine.

If you do the same thing every day after work, especially if your after-work routine mostly includes passive pastimes like watching television, adding some variability can work wonders. Try going for a walk around your neighborhood after dinner if you don’t usually get out of the house. If one partner usually cooks and the other cleans up, try switching roles. The change doesn’t have to be drastic, it just has to be different enough to allow you to see one another in a different light.

5. Try something new together.

This can be as big or as small as you’d like it to be. Bonus points if it’s something that betters you both as individuals in the long run—like a cooking class or a new fitness routine.

If you have any anti-relationship rut tips of your own, please feel free to share them. These are, by far, not the only ways to overcome one; they are merely suggestions. Failing to plan is planning to fail and taking no action will surely lead to a lack of closeness and distance between you and your love. Leave your relationship rut in the dust by talking it out and deciding on a few small habits to change.

This article originally appeared on YourTango

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This Week in Great Subliminal Phalluses from History

November 20th, 2014

We just finished Sam Harris’s Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion for our book club last night. It was a spirited debate, which went a little something like this:

- Harris is self-centered, arrogant and off-putting.
- But you just don’t know him like we do.
- He condones drug use.
- And that’s wrong why?
- Religion does good.
- Religion does bad.

Wine was drunk, feelings were hurt, and someone misplaced their Diva Cup (for real). But we all went home agreeing on two points:

  1. We would all try to meditate more (at least more deliberately than zoning out for 20 seconds on the toilet).
  2. There was definitely a hidden penis in one of the illustrations in the book.

In the fourth chapter on meditation, Harris talks about how one British contemplative was inspired to describe “what it’s like to glimpse the nonduality of consciousness” (duh) after seeing a self-portrait by the 19th century Austrian physicist/philosopher, Ernst Mach, “who had the clever idea of drawing himself as he appeared from a first-person point of view.” And here Harris includes the drawing:

Now, maybe it’s a symptom of writing a sex blog for a living. Maybe our subconscious was at work in mysterious ways. Maybe, like the optic blind spot, there’s a phallic symbol blind spot that most people aren’t aware of, but sexually enlightened folks like us can see through. Or maybe we’re just seeing what we want to see. As Harris attests, the brain works in incredible, complicated ways. (We’ve juvenilely highlighted the dick in question with color below.)

Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris is available on Amazon.com

Turkey Porn: Hot, Naked Birds

November 19th, 2014

Aw, yeah. It’s that time of year again, when the dirty birds come out to play and anything’s possible: a full-body basting, a good stuffing up to the elbow, even succulent vegan experimenting! You know you want it. So dig in!
 

 

 

  Read the rest of this entry »

How to Work with What You’ve Got (Yep, We’re Talking Penis Size)

November 19th, 2014

EMandLO.com M.V.P. reader Tony shared some excellent advice this week in response to our post, “Your Call: How Can I Compensate for a Skinny Penis?”

A male perspective here.

First off, you are not broken, nor does your penis size dictate that “you will be broken up with.” Everyone has a different penis (or breast) size, and what one person prefers may be very different from the next. I’m assuming that you wouldn’t tell a woman with smaller breasts that she is “broken” or that “she will always get broken up with”? Same thing.

Having an attitude that “I’m going to get broken up with anyway”, on the other hand, may influence your own thoughts, words, and actions such that you “get broken up with” for potentially preventable reasons. As the saying goes, change what you can (work on living as fulfilling and meaningful a life as you define it, and work on presenting your best self), accept what you cannot change (your penis size), and be wise enough to know the difference. Again, which would turn you off more – a woman with smaller breasts, or a woman who relates to you with the implicit or explicit expectation that she is fundamentally broken and that everyone will abandon her because of her breast size? I find the second to be far more off-putting than the first.

I also wonder if you are, like most of us, average in the size department. My understanding is that 5.5 inches is average, not unusually small. I don’t know what an average girth is.

I am unaware of any safe and effective means of penis enlargement, so I would skip that.

As for positions and techniques, learning the basics of a woman’s sexual anatomy and various positions would be an excellent place to start. There are numerous articles and books that go over this (including this website; I suspect that Em and Lo, amongst others, have written books on this. I’ll let someone else chime in on that).

Keep in mind that you are a person and not a sex toy, which means that sexual intimacy isn’t just about providing enough vaginal friction. Remember that most women need clitoral stimulation (which is irrelevant to penis size), and also that the G-Spot, if you believe that it exists, is only a short way inside the vagina. You also have other ways of pleasuring your partner – not only oral sex and using your hands, but massage, sensual touch, sensual conversation, etc. One comment I’ve heard is that lovemaking starts between your (and her) ears. Be mindful of friendship, good communication, being a good partner, etc.

If you were with a woman who was emotionally intelligent and mindful, a great friend, an excellent partner, and an interested and attentive lover who really enjoyed being sexual and sensual with you, would you say to her that you didn’t want to be with her because her breasts weren’t big enough? Neither would I.

Lastly, if you ask what she enjoys and show that you are interested and listening, I suspect that many women would be delighted to educate (and hopefully show!) you what works for them. Again, no two people are alike.

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The Thanksgiving Issue: Love in the Time of Turkey

November 19th, 2014


Wise Guys: How to Win Over His Mother at Thanksgiving
Don’t miss Joel Derner’s fail-safe technique for winning over mothers at the holidays!


Wise Guys – When Can I Invite Him for Thanksgiving?
Sage advice from three men who like turkey.


10 Ways to Win Over Your Partner’s Parents This Thanksgiving
“Engage in no more PDA than your partner’s parents do” — and other invaluable advice for the holidays.


Your Call: Why Didn’t He Invite Me to Thanksgiving?
It’s obviously too late to help this reader in particular, but the debate in the comments about when to invite a partner for Thanksgiving is evergreen.


No Sex? Deal-Breaker. No Turkey Together? That’s Okay.
Turns out, in the eyes of NY State law, that he’s only truly not that into you when the sex stops.


Turkey Cooking Tips for Better Sex
Cooking turkey and having sex have more in common than you think!

 

When It’s Okay to Ask a Guy to Buy Tampons for You

November 18th, 2014

Judd Apatow in the feminine hygiene aisle, via iwatchstuff.com

At what point in a relationship is it acceptable to ask a guy to go buy tampons from you? Our Wise Guys weigh in…

Straight Single Guy (Max): Ok. So there you are. Your girlfriend, who may already be SUPER cranky, has run out of tampons. At this point, I can dig the need to “go to the store” and get a breath of fresh air, but who is stupid enough to tell their girlfriend NO when they’re in such a state? MAN UP and buy the girl her tampons. I understand that a lot of guys are grossed out by a girl’s period, but seriously, get over it. How can you be so opposed to a product that keeps your girlfriend’s sacred nether regions from looking like a viking battlefield? (That was a little extreme, but you know what I’m saying.) I myself am an advocate of just putting a towel or two on the bed. In fact, I’ve always found it frustrating when girls won’t have sex on their period because they’re too self conscious about the blood. Assuming you take measures to protect against the transmission of STDs, what’s the problem with a little vampire role playing?

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): If he won’t do that for you, let him figure out how to suck his own damn cock.

Straight Married Guy (Ben): He HAS to get you tampons if one of two criteria are met: 1) you’ve been a couple for three-and-a-half years* OR 2) you’ve gone through some traumatic experience together. If it’s case number one, then you are right to require him to get over himself and pick up tampons at the store. He can hide the tampons in beer and magazines, with a whole load of groceries if he likes – coping mechanisms are fine. If he loves you at this point, he loves ALL of you, including your period. If it’s case number two and you’ve endured some kind of trauma together (getting in a bad car crash, terminating a pregnancy, being held hostage on a speeding bus that can’t go below 60 miles per hour or else it blows up)  – even if it’s in your first month as a couple – he should do anything you ask, no question, whenever you want, forever. Because after something like that, things get put in perspective real quick.

*Note from Em & Lo: For the record, dudes, we think 3.5 years is about 3 years too long to be feeling squeamish about buying tampons for someone you’ve been seeing seriously.

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England . To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Your Call: How Can I Compensate for a Skinny Penis?

November 17th, 2014

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Hi,

My penis girth falls below the average range, as it measures 4 – 4.5 inches around. My length is average at 5.5 inches. I was wondering if you have any sex tips to make the most out of it when in bed?

As we know a bigger girth creates more chance of orgasm for women. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cause more friction when inside, so I can be felt?

I know for a lot of women this could be a deal breaker, and I’ll most likely always be broken up with, but instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am trying to learn how to accept it and get on with life.

Thank you!

Skinny Malinky

What advice do you have for Skinny Malinky? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below.

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