photo by BLW Photography

For an article in a national women’s magazine, we’re looking for people who’ve experienced any of the following bedroom bloopers. Bonus points if you’ve got a particularly funny or mortifying story related to the scenarios below. If you fit the bill and are willing to share the dirty deets (anonymity honored if need be), please get in touch in the comments below with an accurate email address (only we, Em & Lo, will see the email address) or via this contact form with the awkward moment(s) below that apply to you. (And though the scenarios are written from the female perspective, we’d still love to here from the fellas, too!)

• Ten minutes ago, when you hopped into bed with him, you didn’t have your period. Now, suddenly, you do.
• Ten seconds ago you really wanted to have sex with this guy–but whew! Up close he’s stinky!
• You’re being undressed by your dream guy when he gets down on one knee and professes… his foot fetish?
• Before your date you put Chicken Cutlets in your bra for a little extra oomph. Or maybe you wore Spanx to de-oomphasize your oomph. Now the guy is about to unhook your bra or take off your pants, and you’ve just remembered what’s in there.
• You have a gagging problem.
• Your boyfriend’s head is retreating under the covers when you remember you forgot to shower after your spinning class–and that’s the last thing you want to tell him right now!
• You knew letting him snap naked pics of you on his phone was a bad idea–and now 5,000 people seem to know it too.
• You’re having sex with a guy for the first time and he comes after .5 seconds, then jumps up and puts on his sweatpants. You’re SUPER frustrated, but not really comfortable telling him so.
• The condom breaks.
• You’re on the phone with your mom when your guy decides to be very VERY distracting.
• You’re in the middle of a very romantic moment and you make the most embarrassing, South Park-esque noise down there.