My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Dear Em & Lo,

About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.


Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.

First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare 8-inch penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.  This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.

Size is just a number,

Em & Lo

This post has been updated.

Do you worry about the size of your package?
“15 Ways to Make the Most of Your Small Peen in Bed”


  1. This is a very high quality food, and the way we use it is very easy, because it provides a lot of energy, sugar, glucose … and it is also delicious, do you use as much as I do?

  2. This is a very high quality food, and the way we use it is very easy, because it provides a lot of energy, sugar, glucose … and it is also delicious, do you use as much as I do?

  3. I have a micropenis boyfriend and he just moved in about a month ago. I have yet to have an orgasm with him, it just isn’t physically possible. Am I supposed to go the rest of my life without meaningful penetration? I’m already tired of faking. Next I will suggest sex toys I suppose but dildos do nothing for me. I am wondering if it is a self defense mechanism that he doesn’t realize how small it is. Is it really fair for someone to go an entire lifetime without having orgasms from their partner? It’s just frustrating because I am physically attracted by his looks but once the sex starts it is quite sad as I don’t feel anything. Any advice is appreciated. Can this relationship work long term? My friends are split on the subject as well, some tell me to get out now while it’s early and others say to weigh the pluses and minuses. It’s just unfortunate that I am facing a lifetime of not being sexually satisfied, ever. What to do what to do…..

    1. i think he should find a woman who can love him for him and realize that a man is far more than his penis. You obviously can’t.

    2. In the end only you can decide if it’s worth staying in this relationship. Do all his other qualities outweigh his micropenis? Can toys give you an orgasm, and would both of you enjoy using them?

      Sex is a strange thing…relatively speaking it takes up very little time in one’s life yet it has a huge impact upon one’s life. While people should be valued beyond just their sexual prowess, if your unable to have a satisfy sex life it is going to have a negative impact upon your relationship. This goes beyond the size of his dick. He could have a 10″ member and if he just used it like a battering ram and brought no other skills into the bedroom that satisfied you, you could be writing a similar post asking what to do.

  4. There’s also other options, I enjoy big pleasure and my boyfriends got a normal size penis, we just use a penis extender (sounds weirder than it is), it gives me amazing orgasms. I don’t use it all the time, it’s just something we use to spice things up. Jess <3

    1. Bob, I totally understand your disgust towards this woman’s cruel attitude. Any woman who judges a man by the size of his penis is the scum of the earth.

      1. I don’t think attacking this woman is the proper thing to do. Everyone has preferences or desires…what’s wrong with wanting what you want? And since they have only started dating and not even had sex…we don’t know if she enjoyed sex with this smaller man. Perhaps she found it it was great! I truly wish there was a followup to this (seemingly) timeless post.

        Again I will say…women are lousy and guessing penis size. She thinks her new BF is 4-6″…well that’s a big range. At 4″ he’s half the size of her previous BF…and that is a considerable difference in size. But was the old BF actually 8″??? Or is that just what she is guessing, or what he told her? The guy might only have been 6 or 7 inches, who knows for sure?
        Regardless we shouldn’t attack someone for asking a question or expressing a concern.

        1. I have to agree with you Dave in thinking that attacking the woman is not the way to go. Women should be allowed to prioritize their pleasure in sexual experiences. Though I agree that she should try and see what it’s like with this new man – she may enjoy it! – if she does not enjoy this size penis, she should be allowed to be done.

          1. Britintjecity, attacking this women is the way to go . And before anyone says anything Iam above average , she is a discrace , and they shouldn’t have even posted this letter

          2. Nick, I totally agree with you. This type of woman has extremely cruel and twisted priorities and values by her determining that a relationship comes down to the size of a body part. That is a disgrace and she deserves to be condemned and ridiculed for it. On her part, it is a pathetic and an obnoxious chosen attitude and behavior.

            You are also right that Em&Lo should never have published this letter. It was a reckless decision on their part. They decided that having a juicy story that would draw a lot of comments was more important than the innocent people who’d be hurt and negatively affected by it. In fact, if you go back and read the comments, there were men who posted they were suicidal after reading that letter. That is the depth of pain that this letter can and have caused many men.

        2. Dave as usual taking the women’s side she is the lowest of lows a complete nightmare I feel bad for that guy getting involved with such an asshole no ones comments annoy me more than Dave’s he should tell her when she has a couple of kids and her vagina is like the midtown tunnel he will leave her

          1. You sound like a child! The REALITY is everyone likes what they like. The fact this woman likes big cocks is her choice, not yours and not the choice of all the butthurt guys out there! Some men prefer blondes, or big tits, etc. You don’t shame people because of what they like, or desire or find attractive of exciting.

            For certain it sucks to not measure up to other people’s standards. But you cannot force or shame people to find your sexually attractive when they don’t!
            Nick…what the hell do you bring into a relationship? You sound like a petty jealous man and YOU would be a nightmare to be with.

          2. Nick, it doesn’t surprise me. Dave always takes the woman’s side and has no problem with women hurting men over the way they are born. This woman is a low-life that is every man’s worst nightmare. Any woman who determines that a relationship hinges on the size of a body part is a heartless scum who is lacking in having any “compassion”, “empathy” and is totally clueless on what the word “love” means. That type of a woman deserves to be alone and miserable. Men do not choose their penis size. It is the way they were born and do not deserve to be shamed for it. However, women who have these disgusting attitudes and behavior (towards men who don’t have a large penis) are chosen and they deserve to be shamed for it. This terrible behavior, attitudes and priorities of these types of women cannot and should not be defended. They cause men undeserved mental and emotional heartache and pain. That is 100% wrong.

        1. The cruelest thing that a woman can ever do to a man is judge, ridicule, shame, and dump a man for not having a large penis. This nasty woman displayed this obnoxious attitude when she posted in the comments section. awhile back That type of woman should be condemned, not encouraged.

      2. I don’t think she’s judging him, just wondering if his smaller dick will please her. She said nothing about his other attributes, so don’t get so bent out of shape.

  5. Time for another insight. My live in girlfriend dated a man with a micropenis. They dated for about 3 months. She told me she was surprised when she saw the size of his dick, it was the size of her thumb. Her first thought was that he must be an amazing lover and be an expert with his fingers and tongue. She quickly found out how wrong she was!

    The man was a lazy lover. Had no interest in using his tongue or fingers. He would use a vibrator to bring her to orgasm. My girlfriend only experiences clitoral orgasms so if he used his tongue he could easily have pleasured her.

    I asked if she could truly be in a long term relationship with a man who’s got a micropenis? She said: “there is small and then there’s small”, and she actually couldn’t answer the question because since he was a poor lover there was more to their bedroom problems than just his size.

    Now understand, both of them were in their mid 50’s at the time. He had been married and had children and they met on a dating site. So obviously he had been and still was sexually active. What puzzles me is why this man would not invest the time to learn how to pleasure a woman?? When you’ve got a cock that small you’ve got to bring something else to the dance or you’re going to quickly be kicked off the dance floor.
    It reminds me of the old joke…the woman says to the man, who do you think you’re going to please with that little thing? The man answers: ME!
    It would seem this guy took that joke to heart…content in getting his rocks off for as long as he was allowed and then moving onto another woman once he was dumped.

  6. Time for another comment….I came across a post written by a woman (on another forum). I found her perspective interesting. Again the discussion focused on penis size. Her comment was….”it’s only natural that I woman would desire the largest penis she could comfortable handle”.

    I thought that made a lost of sense. She wrote further and wasn’t saying a smaller than ideal penis a deal breaker. So she’s wasn’t small penis shaming men, etc. This brings up a point about “desire” and “reality”. Very seldom in life do you get everything that you desire. A woman might meet and amazing man, great chemistry, funny, etc. And the guy might have a 5″ cock, but the woman’s desire is for a 7″ cock. It’s really not going to be a deal breaker, in fact the woman is likely to not even think about it at all. He’s a great guy and she loves him and he comes attached with a 5″ cock.

    This is no different than a man meeting the woman of his dreams except she’s a B cup and he loves DD’s. He’s not going to toss her aside because some big titted bimbo winks at him.
    In a perfect world his dream girl would come with DD’s, and for the woman…in her perfect world the man would come with the perfect sized cock for her. For some women that perfect sized cock could be 5″.

  7. i have the opposite problem, my new girlfriends ex was 5.5 inches when erect, im 11.5,, ive only fucked her three times, she much prefers her exes little cock , , ive never had anal because of my size and would glady swap my cock for a seven inche cock, i have been 11.5 inches since i was 13

    1. My penis is small but I know how to use it. It’s only 4 inches and skinny but for some reason I think it got smaller. Now it looks like 3 inches and skinnier. Any suggestions ? Do penis pills actually work ? Because i’d like to get up to 8 inches or at least 7, and thicker too.

  8. Turn it into a good thing. Lock him up in a nice steel cock cage and keep his keys. Make him your cuckold you will love it once you tried it. Many couples these days are doing it that way. They say its also a nice game to play for a lady that likes it big.

  9. I had to share this video link. Carefully listen to this man. He’s very inspiring and you can see that life is very much about making a choice. Choosing what to believe, what to think, what to be. Now applying what he’s talking about to “this” topic…just think how dwelling on having a small penis is holding you back from a rich and fulfilling life! What a total waste of time.

      1. Or possibly repeating your statement over and over over again that men with small penises are inferior, inadequate, and women are right to reject them in the most humiliating and debilitating way a man can be rejected just isn’t all that terribly helpful after the 50th time. Maybe.

        1. A woman has the right to reject a man for whatever reason she wants. Some women reject bald men, or fat men, or hairy men, etc. Women are free to make choices. Sadly many men just cannot tolerate this fact.
          I also don’t think I said that men with small dicks are inferior. Obviously they are inferior “size” wise, but a small rod might be superior to a larger johnson if the small one can get erect and the large one has ED. Perhaps the smaller one shoots a huge load while the larger one dibbles a tiny one…a woman who loves cum might easily think the smaller one is superior.

          The problem is really all the butt hurt men that come on this forum and others and attack women for stating a preference for a large cock. These men become so angry and bitter and it’s these types of men that often commit violence against women. And even if they don’t physically attack women, they often try to force their aggressive views regarding women upon society.

          1. Nope, the problem is these women who have these shallow requirements, not a preference. They dump, ridicule, degrade and body-shame men for the way they were born. Their priorities are so screwed-up that they put the importance of the size of a body part above every other quality of a man. They pathetically judge the value of a man by the size of his genitals. That is unacceptable behavior and these women should called out and condemned for these actions. They should be verbally assaulted (no physical violence) for their abominable attitudes and actions towards these men who don’t deserve to be treated as objects. That is what I do and they will get NO free pass from me on this issue.

          2. Stephen…MEN have dump, ridicule and body shame women as well. Busty women are prized more than flat chested women, etc. The fact that you are incapable to see this double standard is due to your inability to emphathize.

  10. Well…I contacted an expert on penis size….the legendary porn actress Seka! Yes I’m telling the truth, I emailed her and asked her about penis size and what did she think.
    Here is her response:
    “I have found that “average” is quite nice. I was never a size queen. If you know what you are doing as a lover it shouldn’t matter.”

    So there you have it. From a woman who’s had the biggest cocks in porn, including the legendary John Holmes. Now to be clear….In my email to Seka I defined average as 5 1/2″ to 6 1/2″.

    1. Hmmm….voted down….well I know who that was! LOL Pretty sure he said he was never going to read any more of my comments. 😉

    2. I always loved Seka’s hairy armpits. She was one of the very few porn stars that didn’t shave back when I was in my early teens and thanks to her and a few other natural gals back then, my love of female armpit hair started and has never ended.

      1. Hmmm…Well if you actually knew some facts you’d see that MEN are most interested in cocks, not women. I suppose it’s because we own one! lol
        Also, if you were observant, you would see the vast majority of people making comments on this thread are MEN. And then you also have to ask yourself….why are you reading this post and reading the comments? Obviously you too are very interested in cocks.
        Nice try at trolling, but to be a successful troll you must start with at least an above average IQ.

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