My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Dear Em & Lo,

About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.


Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.

First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare 8-inch penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.  This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.

Size is just a number,

Em & Lo

This post has been updated.

Do you worry about the size of your package?
“15 Ways to Make the Most of Your Small Peen in Bed”


  1. Size isn’t always important. Yes, some women prefer bigger, but I’d say the vast majority don’t. I’m 8″ and I’ve only made my wife squirt through intercourse, and that’s not my preferred method of getting her off, and its not hers either. I could not achieve that with anyone else I’ve been with.

    The truth is, every other sexual experience I had before my wife was not great. There was an level of stress for me before every first sexual encounter. Size can be an issue on both ends of the spectrum I suppose. There are always other factors, like level of attractiveness/chemistry/experience. I’ve heard women I know say they prefer big, and its truly hard for me to 100% believe them. I won’t say they are liars, but it cant always be true, in my own experience.

  2. I had a boyfriend who had 5 inches evert time he tried 2 deep throat me i gagged.it was just small.enough to keep gagging me. I moved uo 2 a 8 incher i no longer gag on it
    Thats why i need a big cock but their hard 2 find thesr guys *

  3. The comments left by a lot of female posters here are absolutely awful. I think it’s absolutely mind blowing that what seems like very average females believe they deserve… no require an above average man…. and then just blow it off by claiming a preference is a preference.

    I’ve been with women that I just absolutely could not get to orgasm by penetration. One in particular had been married to a guy with a huge dick and had never even experienced a penetrative orgasm. It took about 3 different sessions, but I had her squirting on the damn walls… with my hand! Honestly, anyone who knows anything about female anatomy should know that you can hit spots with a hand that no dick could ever reach.

    Which leaves me wondering what these women are really thinking… and I think it comes down not a physical thing, but a psychological thing. Big dick requirements are likely a psychological tool for dealing with being a sub par woman… especially since a lot of the women professing this requirement seem to be… for lack of a better term… very experienced.

    1. I’ve made comments on both sides of this battle and agree with some of what you say. Women are an amazing gender, they can orgasm in many different ways. I can make almost any woman squirt, have had woman who could cum just from sucking and tugging their nipples. They also can have multiple orgasms. Over a third of women cannot cum from penetrive sex and require oral or manual stimulation.

      I’ve also said that women who set a big cock as a requirement is a losing battle. Why? Because a truly big cock is rare, less than 10% of men have one. So from the small percentage the odds of finding a quality man is even smaller.

      But some women enjoy a big cock, which is fine. Freedom of choice. But attacking a woman who posts and calling her average, without any possible way to know that she actually is, is not helpful. And at the time of writing this there are sweeping anti abortion laws happening in several states…it is clear that many men are seeking to control women. Attacking them for dick preference is just another example of control.

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