photo via Flickr

Our friend Geoff Rice, a nimble Facebook poster and hilarious bleeding-heart liberal, recently began a GOP/Tea Party glossary in public “Note” form, defining such terms as “freedom”, “immigrant” and “socialism”, and calling for additional entries from readers. Here was our contribution:

Pro-Life

1. A belief in and dedication to the sanctity of life, except in the cases of women who might die from childbirth, prisoners on death row (even those with new evidence that may exonerate them), animals who are hunted for sport ortortured on factory farms, poor people who can’t afford healthcare, and doctors who legally perform abortions (see “George Tiller”).
2. The ability to believe that God creates all life at conception while simultaneously ignoring the fact that (when you consider the number of miscarriages women go through) God is the biggest abortionist of them all.

The full list is too good not to share. Read the whole thing after the jump and add your own term to Geoff’s GOP glossary here.

I’m starting a GOP/Tea Party glossary of common terms to help us navigate the rhetoric coming from our right these days. It’s a work in progress, so please comment below with your suggested additions.

Class Warfare

Any attempt by a registered Democrat to raise taxes on the wealthy, or to limit the power of corporations

Emotional Blackmail

Any communication issued by a registered Democrat that has an emotional impact on its audience

Freedom

1. The right of all white male Americans to be agreed with at all times, and to be allowed to do whatever they feel like doing at any moment (with the occasional exception of murdering other white males)
2. The right of a religious majority to force everyone to accept the doctrines, dogma, tenets and holidays of that religion
3. The right to keep Christ in Christmas

Immigrant

1. A foreign or foreign-seeming person persuing the goal of stealing God-given jobs and neighborhoods from the original caucasian inhabitants of North America
2. One who seeks to replace the English language with scary noises we can’t understand
3. A person who looks “Chinese” or “Spanish.”
4. People who tunnel into this country to steal the Christ from Christmas and replace him with a baby-sized sack of cocaine

Jesus Christ

See Ronald Reagan

Muslim

1. A non-white person with (or without) a foreign-sounding first or last name
2. A terrorist
3. A person who wants to take the Christ out of Christmas by use of improvised explosive devices

Organic Food:

1. Overpriced “boutique” food sold at Whole Foods or neighborhood co-ops (socialist headquarters) used as a liberal status symbol in order to parade about a baseless sense of self worth while driving away in a Prius.
2. Food that does not benefit from advances in food production
3. Not something I killed myself

Pro-Life

1. A belief in and dedication to the sanctity of life, except in the cases of women who might die from childbirth, prisoners on death row (even those with new evidence that may exonerate them), animals who are hunted for sport ortortured on factory farms, poor people who can’t afford healthcare, and doctors who legally perform abortions (see “George Tiller”).
2. The ability to believe that God creates all life at conception while simultaneously ignoring the fact that (when you consider the number of miscarriages women go through) God is the biggest abortionist of them all.

Ronald Reagan

See Jesus Christ.

Scientist

An elite, well-trained liberal actor versed in the magic/demonic arts of manipulating the public through the psycholiberal arts of rhetoric and logic in order to overturn commonsense truths of nature (c.f. global warming, vaccination).

Secular Humanist

1. A person with no morals; a moral relativist
2. A nihilist
3. A person who wants to take the Christ out of Christmas (see also Muslim, Socialism)

Socialism

1. Taxes
2. All public works and services
3. Regulation of industry
4. Federal law
5. A philosophy that espouses the removal of Christ from Christmas

Teacher

1. A unionized public employee (see Socialism) charged by his or her socialist masters to reprogram our youth to reject common sense truths (e.g. creationism, supply-side economics) in favor of anti-American liberal beliefs and pursuits including but not limited to science, reading, so-called “history,” multiculturalism, secular humanism and art
2. An overeducated, liberal, book-reading, latte-drinking intellectual paid by the government to raise our kids so we can watch more TV

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
• Get the Naked Love RSS feed