Are You About to Cheat? Here Are 10 Big Warning Signs

You may be about to cheat on your partner and you don’t even know it.

If TV and film and radio and books are any indications, over 135 percent of people are having affairs as we speak. (It should be noted that I only watch the Showtime program The Affair.) Between the broadening definition of “emotional infidelity” and the number of “I’d risk it all” memes I’ve been seeing lately, something is for sure in the unfaithful water in these here internets.

I’m going to severely date myself with this reference, but The Mighty Bosstones once sang, “I’m not a coward, I’ve just never been tested.” In this context, that means it’s a little tricky judging someone for making a generally crappy choice in a situation they’d heretofore never experienced.

The good news is that, for the most part, having an affair is pretty avoidable… unless you’re a cheater. And being forewarned is being forearmed. So, here are 10 warning signs you’re about to cheat so you can knock it the f*ck off or “risk it all.”

1. You’re at least minimally sexually attracted to a person you’re around a lot.

The person doesn’t have to be your type or more attractive than your main dish, just someone you’re not repulsed by….and you’ve imagined at least kissing.

2. You make excuses to hang out with them.

Have you thought it might be a good idea to work on a project together when maybe it didn’t make that much sense on paper?

3. You have a crazy amount of inside jokes.

I have inside jokes with complete strangers but sharing a private language or ample secrets with someone bang-able isn’t great. It fosters a weird level of emotional intimacy, which is its own kind of infidelity.

4. You talk about your love and sex life a lot.

I think I may be quoting tiny Atlantan Usher here but there is a chance she (or he) is gonna make you wanna leave the one you’re with to start a new relationship if she (or he) is the one you run to talk to when you and your girl (or guy) are having problems.

5. You and your partner are going through a dry spell. 

Sexual intimacy, some experts conjecture, is fairly important to relationship health. Orgasming, or whatever it is exactly us men do, seems pretty important to fostering a sense of closeness and general wellbeing.

6. When you’re around this person you get a weird face-on-fire, like you’ve been listening to the Weeknd and sniffing Adderall.

Do you have the kind of butterflies that you’d need an old Gucci Mane-sized net to catch? You may have it bad, friend. Or typhoid.

7. You recognize him or her by smell.

I don’t think we’ve completely done the math on it yet but holy Steve Martin in Roxanne, can someone’s personal brand put your autonomic boner system through the ringer.

8. You deflect blame.

Deflecting blame like Wonder Woman is a sign you're about to cheat
via Warner Bros

Are you drunk or on one of the fun club drugs that make liking Skrillex possible? Get ready for a game affectionately known as Crazy Hands. Or don’t, you’re a f*cking adult.

9. You’re constantly going “out of town.”

No reasonable person follows the 3-state rule, but your hormones are in charge now and reason is out the window with politeness and whatever the opposite of pettiness is.

10. You’ve become too good for your current partner.

It happens. Sometimes you transform your body, brain or life and even though your partner helped you up that hill, pastures are looking greener in every direction you look.

So, are you about to cheat?

Without putting too much stigma on it, people cheat because there’s opportunity. So if you’re not interested in cheating or being a cheater but feel like you’re about to cheat, it’s probably a good idea to recognize these classic warning signs you’re going to cheat and remove yourself from that opportunity. Use those endorphins for something productive. And if that fails, just whack off real good.

— By Tom Miller, originally published on YourTango.


 Men Are Not Hardwired for Cheating
(Just for Sex)




  1. I have to show thanks to this writer just for bailing me out of this particular problem. Right after researching throughout the internet and finding techniques which are not productive, I figured my entire life was done. Living minus the answers to the difficulties you have sorted out all through your main write-up is a critical case, as well as the ones which may have in a wrong way affected my career if I had not come across your web page. Your own training and kindness in controlling a lot of things was very helpful. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t come across such a stuff like this. It’s possible to at this time relish my future. Thanks very much for this impressive and result oriented help. I won’t hesitate to propose your site to any person who requires counseling on this problem.

  2. Why does cheating have to be avoided? If you have a connection with someone else, explore it. If it leads to fucking, go for it. Why the moralizing?

    1. We actually think Tom does a good job of avoiding judgment. He’s just outlining steps on self-awareness for people who ultimately don’t want to cheat. That said, there’s a big difference between being honest with a partner about your non-monogamy and sneaking behind their back to have an affair in what is otherwise understood to be a monogamous relationship. Open relationships are totally cool, as long as you’re honest about it.

    2. I think that it is a betrayal of your partner if you decide you are going to have an open relationship, but not inform your partner. In a monogamous relationship, you are committed to each other, and something like having sex with someone else is not an inherent right you have without consequences, such as the termination of a relationship. If this is your philosophy, than you should be in a consensual polyamorous or open relationship.

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