All posts by Em & Lo

Dream Interpretation: I Used My Mom’s Vibrator!

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photo by kingnixon

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had the WEIRDEST dream last night! In the dream, I was sleeping and suddenly I wake up with my mom telling me to get something that was in her wallet which was in my night stand. So I was looking for what she told me to look for (I don’t remember what it was) and I saw four different condoms and a vibrating ring. So I keep searching and I found a vibrator and started to pleasure myself with it and then I had the best orgasm ever. After that I was just freaked out and woke up.

Lauri: Whenever you wake up in a dream it means you have had a recent “awakening” or realization in real life. Unless you still live with your mom or deal with her on a daily basis, she is not playing herself. Most likely she represents the part of you that is caring and nurturing and knows what is best. This part of you is basically telling you – through this dream – that it’s time to discover and recognize your own value and self worth (any reference to money or wallets in dreams is often about personal value). And this is precisely why you ended up pleasuring yourself. Masturbation in a dream means we are pleased with our self in waking life. Consider this dream a pat on the back from your subconscious!

Response from the dreamer: Hey, thank you so much. I appreciate that you took your time to answer my dream. I was having everything go perfect… except for the relationship with my mom.

Lauri: Ah… so that may be where the wallet comes in. Was she making you feel bad about yourself?

Dreamer: Yes, she was! It was because of my new boyfriend; she was kinda jealous about it.

Lauri: Okay, so your dream is asking you – through the voice of your mother — to find the wallet, because it wants you to NOT feel “worthless.” Despite your mom, everything is going well for you. You are a valuable individual so be proud of yourself.

Dreamer: Right on!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s free Dream Dictionary on her site.

Confession: I Just Saw the Craziest PDA!

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passionate_kiss_closeup1 photo by The Prophet

Yesterday’s Wise Guy PDA question reminded Chris DiClerico of something he saw this past summer. He swears on everything that is holy that this is true:

I had to go to midtown for a business meeting in a building on 51st and 6th Ave. I arrived about 20 minutes early, so I sat waiting in this courtyard sitting area outside the building, literally on the corner of the block. You know the building, Heartland Brewery is right there. Anyway, I am sitting there playing the Mafia Live game on my iPhone when I notice a young Hispanic couple, mid-twenties, making out a stone table just to my left. I glanced over and they were going at it. Her ass was pressed against the table and he was pressed up close, grinding into her. They were kissing and touching a little bit, but nothing outrageous. So I looked down and attacked a rival crime family on the iPhone and tried to ignore it.

After a few minutes I looked up again, and had to do a double-take. She was giving him a full-on, enthusiastic handjob right in the open. I nearly lost it. While trying to figure out how to snap a photo without losing my place in the game, they became aware that myself, and dozens of people around had been watching them. I guess public passion got the best of them, and they packed it up quickly.

Right in front of where I sat, there was a big support column for the building. Instead of leaving the area to go home to enjoy each others’ company, the couple moved to this area, within 15 feet of where I was sitting….

Wise Guys: PDA, Yea or Nay?

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kiss_park_bench photo by pedrosimoes7

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the general guy consensus on PDA?”

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): For some reason, I only clock public displays of affection in nightclubs or on the London Underground. I have no idea what’s so sexy about these squalid subterranean Victorian spaces. Maybe it’s the heat or the filth or the drugs or the angry-commuter tension… but whatever it is, it drives couples to that kind of necking when you can’t make out where one tongue ends and the other begins, and it sounds like they’re actually eating each other. Personally, I prefer my PDA a little more, well, girly. I like to hold hands. I also like to hug and lock eyes with the woman I love, and give her the occasional peck on the check. She likes it too. So it works for me, but the fact that just admitting this makes me feel less of man leads me to believe that I’m far from typical — and maybe even more of a freak than those horn-dogs dry humping on the dance floor of a soulless super-club.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): I always find seeing someone else perform PDA mildly distasteful and it usually makes me want to throw up a little bit in my mouth. But to each his or her own. It’s a free country. Serious canoodling and make-out sessions in plain view are excusable only if you are a teenager or highly intoxicated, and even then, please, just get a room. But I’m not a soulless monster. I know the feeling of wanting to show the world your love. Do whatever feels good, just know people will be disgusted by you. Personally, I engage in minimal amounts of PDA with my husband, and that makes the occasional and spontaneous hand-hold or sidewalk kiss all the more enjoyable.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I probably am not speaking for the whole single male population, but I am not a huge fan of public displays of affection. Of course I hold hands, or hug or kiss now and then, but I am definitely of the opinion that making out should be done in private. [Tune in tomorrow for Chris’s best PDA story ever!]

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

A Berlin Brothel Encourages Johns to Go Green

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photo by Tony the Misfit

Urban Outfitters aren’t the only ones trying to make bicycles sexier. A brothel in Berlin, Germany, where prostitution is legal, is now offering discounts to customers who arrive by bike or a verifiable form of public transportation: 5 euros off a 70-euro 45-minute sesh. Since “leisure” spending is one of the first things to go during a recession, the owner apparently tried to come up with a plan that was “good for business . . . good for the environment.” The Guardian UK’s Ethical Living blog checked out the brothel, Maison d’Envie, online and did a little translating of their site spiel to confirm the sale (which the German major among us, in turn, confirmed):

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Your Call: Is No Oral a Relationship Dealbreaker?

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vintage_oral_sex Vintage illustration via Foxtongue

Dear Em & Lo,

My new boyfriend doesn’t like either giving or receiving head. I really enjoy giving head and so it’s a disappointment to me that he doesn’t like it, though not the end of the world. What might be the end of the world is that he doesn’t want to go down on me. It is something that I enjoy a lot and I have a hard time coming or even getting wet without oral stimulation. What do you guys think, would you consider this a dealbreaker? Is it unfair of me to want to ask him for it?

— Losing My Head

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

Film: What It Felt Like the Very First Time

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eve_waltermaurer Eve Waltermaurer, producer and director of First

Eve Waltermaurer, a professor of sociology at SUNY New Paltz, is producer and director of FIRST, a documentary about women’s sexual first times. The film features ten women, ages 16 to 89, spilling the beans in their own bedrooms (complete with teddy bear and framed prom photo, in one case). We chatted with Eve about all things cherry-poppin’…

EM & LO: How do you define virginity or losing your virginity? It’s a term we’ve often struggled with ourselves — for example, traditionally people think of intercourse, but that obviously excludes the gay community. Was that something you dealt with when making this film?

EVE WALTERMAURER: Luckily we did not have to define virginity – we left that to each woman to decide for herself. I myself wonder if the first failed attempt Jon B. had with me counts or not. We are interested in this idea of when the loss of virginity occurs particularly for a woman who has never been with a male. Clearly these women, over time look back and do not think of themselves as virgins. But is there a single point in time where they see the shift happening? All of our gay women began with men but we are still looking to explore this idea more.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Blog Snog (07-17-09)

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massager_vibrator

part of a vintage ad via TresSugar

A weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:

Last week it was creepy vintage ads. This week TresSugar digs ups a hilarious “massager” ad (click to read the whole ad).
GoodVibes’s John Thursday takes a nostalgic look at childhood summers spent on the gayest part of Fire Island.
One College Candy writer outlines her dream syllabus for an imagined mandatory college sex ed class (it includes “Dealing With Adversity: Queefs, leaks, and other unfortunate mishaps”).
YourTango’s Tomfoolery’s got 7 things to say while getting it on — you’ll be surprised!
The Frisky suggests some naughty Victorian books (sounds like an oxymoron, but just you wait).
Lemondrop lists 11 sexist T-shirts guaranteed NOT to get you laid.

We’re Back!

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We were having a few technical difficulties yesterday, but it looks like we’re back on track. Apologies for any interruption in your daily dose of sex, love and other fun stuff. And if you’re new to the site, we hope you’ll take off your coat and stay a while. Enjoy!

If Sex Studies Sound Too Good to Be True, They Probably Are

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stripper_heels photo by I_See_AEE

We have a love-hate relationship with sex studies. On the one hand, they’re the bread and butter of this blog (to wit: Study shows even cheaters’ guilt is selfish; Study shows the car doesn’t maketh the man; Study shows father knows best; Study shows some playas are just spreading the love; et al). But on the other hand, the science behind some of the sex studies out there appears flimsy to say the least. Take this “research,” which one site recently reminded us of: An Italian scientist by the name of Dr. Maria Cerruto claimed that wearing high heels improves a woman’s sex life. Hmm…an Italian woman looking to justify her Pradas? Color us suspicious.

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Mike Birbiglia’s “Porno for Parents”

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We mentioned comedian Mike Birbiglia in passing the other day, but failed to convey just how awesome he is. Someone who can appeal to both the audiences of Comedy Central and This American Life possesses a rare gift. He covers crass topics without ever crossing the line. He’s the boyfriend you love so much, but ultimately only as a great friend (and we mean that in the nicest way!).

Read the rest on SUNfiltered

Poll: What Do You Call a Female Cuckold?

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hilary_clinton_doll0001 photo by ian_ransley

An article in last weekend’s NY Times Magazine about “cuckold wives” in politics notes, “I can find nothing in the dictionary that applies to sexually betrayed women, though you would think Webster would have added one by now.” Actually, according to Wikipedia, the female equivalent cuckquean first appeared in English literature in 1562. Though clearly that moniker never caught on — and after four and a half centuries, we don’t think that’s going to change. (Perhaps because the term cuckquean sounds like it belongs in the fetish world.)

Who knows why it never caught on — perhaps because a cuckold is often meant as a term of derision, and we’re more likely to feel sorry for a cheated-on wife than we are to ridicule her. Then again, remember all the Hillary haters back in the late nineties, circa Monica-gate? We guess sometimes we like to ridicule the cheated-on wife, too. Those bent on derision back then were forced to use the term “female cuckold.”

And what about all those men who’ve been cheated on who deserve our sympathy? How come they get saddled with the insult “cuckold,” as if it were someone their fault? The way “cuckold” is thrown around, you’d think a deficit of masculinity — rather than a female wandering eye — was to blame.

Well, we think we need it’s about time we came up with a new term for someone who’s been cheated on. Something that’s both gender- and judgment neutral. “Jenny Sanford” will date too quickly (and besides, we think most men who’ve been cheated on would rather be called a cuckold than a Jenny Sanford). “Cheatee” is too clunky.

Any suggestions, dear readers? What would you call a man or woman who has been cheated on? Give it your best shot in the comments section below and we’ll follow up with a poll of our favorites next week.

Dream Interpretation: I Caught My BF with a Blonde

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blonde_sign photo by zorilla

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Hi, I have been having this recurring dream about my boyfriend of seven years. The first one I had we were at our house and there was a party going on. Everyone was having a good time and me, my mom, and my best friend were at the counter doing shots. When I turn around there is this guy that has no pants on. I jokingly tell him to go put his pants on,= then I realize that my boyfriend is missing. So I go in search of him upstairs and find him in my bed with some blonde chick. He turns to look at me but there is not the normal response you would expect, instead he turns with this smug expression like he was satisfied that he hurt me. Next I am dragging this girl by her hair down my steps. My mother asks me what I am doing; I tell her what happened and she takes the girl from there. I go back upstairs and attack him, repeatedly punching him in his face. Then I wake up bawling, shaking. After that dream I couldn’t sleep in my own bed for a week. (more…)

Confession: I Thought “Christian Sex Columnist” Was an Oxymoron

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jesus photo by kevindooley

Our contributor Kristine deGuzman, a junior at UC Berkeley, has a confession to make:

When I was a sophomore in college, I drooled over the idea of writing the “Sex On Tuesdays” column in the The Daily Cal, UC Berkeley’s main newspaper. I applied for the job at the end of my sophomore year and was fortunate enough to score the coveted weekly column for the fall semester of my junior year.

When one of my friends from back home found out about my new gig, he sent me samples from his school’s sex column in the Cal Poly Pomona newspaper . It was penned by a Christian virgin who “hates” dating, is waiting until marriage to have sex, and believes most relationships (outside of marriage) are better off without sex.

WTF?! (more…)

Wise Guys: Do Men Really Love Bitches?

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bitch_tattoo photo by Publicly_Scalped

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do men really love bitches?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Guys love a challenge. That’s why we’re always trying to fix cars, throw the perfect spiral, or look cool with really awful facial hair. If we’re ever with a bitch, it’s only because we want to overcome her militant manner and make her swoon for us. We want to find her soft spot and turn her around to show the world she’s not all bad — that way we look great, too, for having cracked her stone cold exterior. Don’t feel like playing the B-Card is ever going to help you out, though. Most of us tire of silly games like this pretty quickly — and even if we do love bitches from time to time, the good ol’ American sweetheart will always win out.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I don’t think so. Maybe some guys like getting treated like shit and pushed around, but that was never my thing. I mean, if a girl is attractive and a real bitch, in my single days, I’d probably have wanted to have sex with her. But that’s just because there’s this idea that the sex would be more charged. Sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn’t. I don’t think bitchiness equals hot sex on its own. But beyond sex: dating (or falling in love with) a bitch? Forget it. Life’s dramatic enough on its own — I don’t need to fall in love with a pain in the ass. (more…)

Naked News (07-14-09)

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red_light_district photo by aforero

The recession (and, perhaps, that Sasha Grey movie The Girlfriend Experience) is pushing more and more women into sex work.
In more cheery financial news, apparently being told “I love you” is worth more than $200,000. Too bad your credit card company won’t accept that sort of currency.
If your new partner suggests a sex game called “Dirty Cowboy,” we’d advise taking a pass.
Also, if you suspect your partner of being a lying cheating scumbag, don’t let them tie you up. (Oh yeah, and here’s a bondage 101 tip for free: If you’re going to bind and gag your partner, you can’t leave them alone. Not even to go pee — and definitely not for 20 hours while you go on an internet date.)

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Your Call: Can You Ask Your Exes for Charitable Contributions?

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donations
photo by Daquella Manera

Dear Em & Lo,

In September I will participate in a charity event that depends on donations from people I know to raise money. In order to make my fundraising goal, I’m going to email everyone I know. Is it tasteless to include exes who may not really like me anymore in this email? Thanks!

Charitable

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

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