Reader Kendra said the following in response to our post, “Comment of the Week: How to Get Past His Porn Habit.” We have to admit to a little mea culpa upon reading this. Yes, we do tend to tell female readers to find a way to compromise when it comes to their male partners’ porn habit, and perhaps that’s not always the best answer. Anyway, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we’re posting one reader’s very different take on the issue here, just to prove that you don’t have to kiss our asses in order to get featured here!
Why is no porn not an option on this list, which was created for someone who is not exactly in favor of porn. I find this to be very un-feminist and quite frankly, totally male-dominated advice. Basically, you’re telling the person who’s uncofomfortable with porn use to force themselves to become okay with it. Tell him to “cover his tracks?!” So, hide it and pretend the problem does not exist? Yep, that’ll make for a great relationship. And when he’s out screwin’ someone else, just make sure he covers his tracks well there, too, right?
Why was “if you’re uncomfortable with it, you DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT” not an option on the list? That should’ve been first on the list. Nobody should have to make themselves deal with something that hurts them. Nobody should. It’s not okay.
How about some better advice: Don’t put up with it! Know that you are better than that and that you’re better than being second best or even having to share! IMO, it’s either all me and only me (because I’ve realized that I’m that good. I’m worthy and I’m plenty good enough) or no me at all. I don’t do sharing. Some people can stifle the porn pain, others cannot, but advice should include options to not put up with it if you are very, very upset with it.
It makes you feel badly? You told the reader that it was THEIR problem to deal with!? Noooo! That is terrible advice. In a relationship, problems are BOTH parties’ problems to “deal with.”
If you don’t like pornography, you can ask your partner to figure out which is more important — you or porn. If he chooses you, fabulous! If not, there are plenty out there who do not need pornography to be turned on.
Plus, why should anyone be told to put up with second best or sharing when there’s a big possibility they could have what they really, really want — to be their partner’s ONLY? Yes, there are plenty of men out there who love their partner enough not to have desires for other’s.
Take it or leave it, but NEVER settle like this awful advice says for you to.
Reader Kendra said the following in response to our post, “Comment of the Week: How to Get Past His Porn Habit.” We have to admit to a little mea culpa upon reading this. Yes, we do tend to tell female readers to find a way to compromise when it comes to their male partners’ porn habit, and perhaps that’s not always the best answer. Anyway, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we’re posting one reader’s very different take on the issue here, just to prove that you don’t have to kiss our asses in order to get featured here!
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