Hi Em & Lo,
I recently turned twenty and for a few months now have been curiously debating getting a vibrator. Thanks to a fairly conservative upbringing, my experiences with sex, masturbation, and just about anything conceivably related are virtually nil, and I have no idea how to go about finding what would be a good place to start. On top of that, I’m a broke college student and I can’t spend a lot of money. Do you have any somewhat inexpensive but still good quality recommendations? Any advice would be much, much appreciated!
–Bargain Hunter
Dear B.H.,
Good for you! Exploring on your own is the best way to start learning the pattern of your sexual response — especially if you’ve had a conservative upbringing and/or little to nil sexual experience. Too many straight women wait for a fella to come ’round to show them the way — but those dudes often don’t have a map (or else they don’t care if you get left behind). But if more women took the initiative, we’d probably get a lot fewer letters from gals saying they can’t orgasm during sex with a partner. After all, doing it on your own means you’re much more likely to be able to do it with a partner — and you’re much more likely to be able to ask for what you want when you’re with that partner, too.
And just in case you’re still “curiously debating,” here’s one more reason to go for it: Studies have shown that more than a third of women own vibrators, and that those who use them experience higher levels of sexual desire and more orgasms than those who don’t.
Okay, so now you’ve got to choose your weapon. You were right to ask us, because there’s a lot of crap out there, and though we know it might be tempting to go bargain-basement shopping in the middle of a recession, you do have to pay a little bit extra for a quality toy. And by quality, we don’t mean “Swarovski-crystal-encrusted,” we just mean one that’s actually meant to be used as a vibrator, and not “for novelty purposes only.”
The most important quality in a sex toy is that it’s phthalate-free (pronounced “thay-late”) — and if the shop you’re browsing in doesn’t know what you’re talking about when you ask whether a toy contains phthalates, then you don’t want to spend your hard-earned money there! Phthalates are plastic softeners which have been shown to be bad for both your body and the environment — they’re banned in kids’ toys and even in pet toys in most places, and yet manufacturers continue to use them in sex toys! Shocking, we know. Pure silicone is phthalate-free and always a great option for a sex toy, though there are other newer materials on the market that are also phthalate-free and worth checking out.
For newbies, we think that Fun Factory — a German toy manufacturer — is a great place to start. We’d recommend any of their toys, in fact! We love their Laya Spot ($50), which is for external use. Or, if you want something slightly more phallic (and insertion-friendly), check out the Angelo ($62) or the G-spot friendly Meany ($62). For even more choice, check out GoodVibes, which stocks a whole range of Fun Factory toys.
If you’re looking for a kitchen-sink vibrator — i.e. one that provides simultaneous internal and external stimulation while paying attention to the G-spot — then a Rabbit-style vibrator is your friend in need. But again, beware of cheap knock-offs! Ever since the Rabbit made a guest appearance on Sex & the City, companies across the globe have been attempting to cash in on the trend. A company called Vibratex made the original Rabbit, and we love their new latex-free and phthalate-free Elastomer Rabbit. It’s a little on the pricey side — $90 — but we think that’s a small price to pay for orgasms on demand. After all, when’s the last time a pair of $90 jeans got you off? Never say that money can’t buy you a little love!
If all of the above are still a bit too pricey, you can always go with the ol’ standby: The Pocket Rocket. It’s only meant for external use, but at least the hard plastic it’s made of won’t leach phthalates. For $30, you can get a similar style vibe that’s waterproof made by dependable Vibratex, called the Water Dancer.
When you’re ready to expand your toy collection — you can’t have just one! — just make sure you’re shopping at a decent, well-lighted sex toy outlet. We trust GoodVibes with both our credit cards and our genitals, and we trust them to steer a newbie in the right direction. And for more advice on some of our favorite toys, check out our book Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories.
Your (very) personal shoppers,
Em & Lo
My job is recommending vibrators to first timers.. I always recommend they go with a low-cost g-spot vibe to start to see if they like it. It can be used internally and on the clit so you can figure out what you like!
I am a huge fan of g spot vibrators and think they can be useful for beginners. A lot of times g-spot vibrators have their motors near the end or tip of the toy. More traditional vibrators (especially entry level ones) usually have their vibration motor somewhere near the middle or base of the toy. When you use a g-spot vibrator on your clit, you can really pinpoint the stimulation. This makes it easier to orgasm. Then once you get good with your clitoris, you can begin searching for your g-spot without buying another toy. Just something to think about.
HI. I got married about a year and a half ago. She was molested as a young child by her grandfather and her first time having sex she was forced by her boyfriend at the time. We have a great sexual relationship and she has said that I’m the only one to make her feel great during sex. She says that she actually enjoys it and has gotten close to orgasming with me, something boyfriends in the past haven’t been able to do. But she still can’t orgasm. She feels like she’s about to then just gets a sick feeling and it goes away then her vagina gets sensitive. I told here she should try to masturbate but she doesn’t like to. she told me she tried a couple times when I was at work and the same thing happens. She gets a sick feeling when she’s doing it. What should we do? I’ve thought about getting a vibrator or something. She’ll do anything sexually, to an extent, that I want her to WANT to be sexually adventurous with me. What do you suggest?
ill have to say the best vibrator out there is the Lelo Ina. Stop wasting your money on crappy battery operated vibes! you spend more on the batteries then you do on the toy. i cant stress this enough!! Lelo may be on the pricer side but they have an 11 year warranty, rechargeable, silicone, quiet, different settings, can be locked so they dont start randomly vibrating, they are incredible quality i work at the love shop and our displays have been tampered with; dropped, played with just about everything and they still work like new. you simply cant go wrong! but if your really looking for something worth your money try the we vibe! its a g-spot stimulator ! and once you find a man it’ll still be put to great use, its remote operated and rechargeable, its a three in one during sex, you have the g-spot stimulation then the clit stimulation plus your mans penis adding to the pleasure!
With so many options out there, it’s nice to have other ladies weigh in! If you want more info about the varieties, I talk about different kinds of vibes in my article on TOOTIT.com: http://tootit.com/2011/10/your-guide-to-the-perfect-vibe/
Thanks!
Yes, it’s always best to start off with something simple and basic then work your way up.
A friend of mine’s first vibrator had a silly amount of controls and features which she was just overwhelmed by!
I always reccommend beginners to start off with a straight multi-speed vibrator and work there way up from there.