People often say they love Mindy Kaling because she is “relatable,” but we’re going to avoid that word because we think it’s kind of a backhanded compliment. We can imagine the Underminer saying it. Like, the only reason you love Mindy Kaling is because she doesn’t make you feel bad about your muffin top or the fact that you drunk-dialed your ex last night. Then again, we suppose there are worse reasons to have an imaginary friendship with a celebrity.
We love Mindy Kaling because she is wicked funny and simultaneously self-deprecating while not being afraid of a little self-promotion. We love her because she’s her own freakin’ boss. We love her because she fantasizes about being the oldest sister in a Jane Austen novel, with Taylor Swift as the youngest sister. (We didn’t even know until she said it that it’s totally our fantasy, too.) We love her because she told Howard Stern that she can never say no when someone suggests shots. And we love her because she confessed her B.J. Novak crush on the Howard Stern show and then right after, she went on Twitter and was all like, “Um @bjnovak I talked a little about you on @HowardStern.” Who can’t, well, relate to that?
Fine! Fine. She’s relatable. But she’s also hilarious about life, alcohol, and the pursuit of the opposite sex. Here are our 35 favorite @MindyKaling tweets from 2014:
1. Sure he texted me Merry Christmas but will he text me happy Boxing Day
2. When i have a crush on someone I pester them until they die
3. I’m watching The Notebook for the first time. I don’t understand why marrying handsome rich sweet war hero James Marsden is so weep-inducing
4. All I wanted to do was place a kiss on his suprasternal notch
5. If your date orders a California roll and vegetable tempura you so know she is totally basic but you are also getting laid
6. “Why the fuck not me?” should be your motto
7. If I was blind I could tell who the hot girls in the nail salon were by how boring their stories are
8. Before you’re a bae you have to be a bb
9. Is it weird to say, I wish Bruno Mars was my son
10. “Have you dined with us before?” No, but I PROMISE you I can figure this out with context clues, babe
11. Girls, the lesson is, create a tv show and use it as your reason for needing emails and phone numbers. Like Seth Rogen and Kevin Reilly, say
12. I love my @ELLEmagazine cover. It made me feel glamorous & cool. And if anyone wants to see more of my body, go on thirteen dates with me.
13. Holy shit I’m the age of those people on thirtysomething
14. Don’t worry about having perfect taste. People with perfectly curated taste usually have no original voice.
15. #humblebrag me, baby, like it’s 2012
16. For LA women, Saturday is the day you read, catch up with family and friends, and rip unwanted hair off of places on your body
17. leave a slice of carrot cake at my door if you love me
18. Ugh I have so much work, I should just gone girl myself
19. Gone Girl is a verb now
20. We all died of excitement because in the apartment across the street, a naked man was changing his duvet cover #sohostories
21. Five writers in the soho area want frozen yogurt delivered to us while we watch a documentary about murderers
22. September is a summer month, not a fall month, I have been thinking this for years but never said it aloud because it’s boring
23. I like you if every song is about you even the ones that make no sense like losing my religion
24. Drive sober, kiss tipsy, pack suitcases drunk as hell, has worked for me
25. Yawning at a dinner party ’cause you’re bored is rude but saying “yawn” at boring dinner party is awesome
26. In my romantic comedy movie set in New York our heroine is constantly running into exes while trying on glasses at Warby Parker
27. I wore a cape last night and wasn’t dramatic, so that’s a good start to a new year!
28. the melancholy cuteness of people in their 20s playing house
29. Yeah autocorrect I meant gu not hi
30. If you got it flaunt it, if you don’t got it, flaunt it
31. In high school, if I was up late studying, my dad would make me buttered toast and didn’t go to sleep until I did. I wanna be like that.
32. Let me get this straight they made Bradley Cooper the goddamned raccoon
33. Horrified to realize that crisp chicken skin is 100% my favorite food
34. God I feel so superior drinking my coconut water
35. The central unresolved question of my adult life is: how on earth does everyone become friends with everyone else so quickly?