New Jersey vs. California: Which State Is Worse for Sex?

photo via MTV.com

Remember when former Miss California Carrie Prejean got famous for (a) getting pageant-funded breast implants and (b) saying “I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there”? Well, suddenly No-Offense Prejean is looking like the picture of tolerance (after all, she did also say “I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.”)

Enter Lauren Ashley, who will be representing Beverly Hills in the Miss California pageant this November. She was all like, I’ll see your “marriage is between a man and a woman” and I’ll raise you “punishment by death.”  No, seriously. She told Fox News (natch), “In Leviticus it says, ‘If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.’ The Bible is pretty black and white.” In case the Bible wasn’t clear enough for you, she breaks it down: “I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone,” Ashley told FOX News. “If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.”

Okay, now over to New Jersey, where the cast-mates of “Jersey Shore” went on the show “The View” to discuss, among other heady topics, hot tub sex. A cast consensus was reached that “hot water kills all the sperm” and thus condoms aren’t really necessary. The Situation explained, “It’s really hot water.” Adding, to clarify, “It takes care of business.”

We’re gonna go ahead and give the Biggest Idiot in the Sex Category award to California, though New Jersey gets serious honors. And can we all now please agree that beauty pageants are really really really bad for sex. Not to mention bad for women — and girls — in general. And men. What the hell, let’s go out on a limb here and say that they’re bad for everyone. Not punishment-by-death bad, but we’d consider assigning lengthy community service to anyone involved. Who’s with us?

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  1. Thanks, Mademoiselle. All those commandments were written as a way for the Jews, who were a minority in the area, to differentiate themselves from their neighbors. Thus, not only are ALL the commandments about sex designed solely for Jews, they imply that these are things that their neighbors did as a matter of courses. A commandment against homosexuality thus implies that it was common and accepted 2500 years ago.

  2. Lauren Ashley is frightening with her harmful views, however, I think the biggest idiot award goes to New Jersey. At least Ms. Ashley provided a reference. (And I’m sure she’s off somewhere right now hunting down her nicest lamb for sacrifice.)

  3. AND, if she is quoting Leviticus, I hope she is keeping Kosher, believes in Slavery, as well as Polygamy, doesn’t wear clothing with a mix of two different fabrics, and all the other stuff in Deut and Lev that NOBODY who judges others by quoting said Books ever ever adheres to.

  4. Who the hell is she? Never heard of this woman.

    At first I thought it was talking about the designer, Laura Ashley.

    How many of these people are famous just for being on TV and are On TV because they are famous? No actual talent, skill, hard work, brains, thought or effort needed?

  5. Wow… just wow. I can’t believe anyone thinks that someone like Lauren Ashley, who espouses such awful bigoted views, would be considered a good representative of anything, even if it is something as ridiculous as a Beverly Hills beauty pageant. I just reread what she said and, to be honest, I want to punch her in the face. I wonder what God would have to say about that…

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