photo via Flickr

Consider this advice on what NOT to say on a first (or second or third or fourth or fifth…) date:

1. You remind me of my ex.
2. I can’t stay out too late tonight — the season finale of “The Bachelorette” is on.
3. Cutco knives are so awesome.
4. I only cry during rom coms…and right after sex.
5. I should warn you, my penis is unusually large.
6. Contraception is not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.
7. I can’t wait to show you my teddy bear collection.
8. Just a sec, I have to text back my mom.
9. The last novel I read? That one by Snooki.
10. It’s chilly, I should have worn my cape.