Sometimes it’s easier to impart sexual technique by focusing on what NOT to do — especially when it comes to something as variable as kissing, where there are so many different styles, techniques and preferences that many people enjoy. So by focusing on the negative — the things almost all people DON’T enjoy — we hope to help you osculate with style.
Whatever you do, DO NOT…
1 … have bad breath or unclean teeth — it’s the equivalent of hooking up in underwear with skid marks.
2 … lick your lips before going in — this is not dinner.
3 … drown your lips in gloss or lipstick.
4 … tongue jab.
5 … have chapped lips.
6 … aim for their uvula with your tongue.
7 … slobber all over your partner’s face — spit is cold and nasty when it gets outside your mouth.
8 … make your tongue hard and pointy.
9 … head straight for the boobs, the ass or the crotch as soon as the kissing commences.
10 … immediately ram your tongue inside.
11 … open your mouth as wide as possible, like you’re attempting to eat the other person’s head.
12 … kiss with a cold sore (i.e. oral herpes).
13 … fail to mention that you have oral herpes, even if you’re currently asymptomatic, as there’s still always a chance — albeit slight — of transmission.
14 … run your tongue along their gums.
15 … sneak up on someone so they don’t have a chance to deflect the incoming kiss.
16 … hold their head in a headlock or press too hard, especially if beard stubble is involved.
17 … withhold tongue altogether.
18 … conduct the oral equivalent of a limp handshake — it’ll make your partner feel like they’re kissing a dead fish.
19 … look around or over your partner’s shoulder during the kiss. (Some people like to kiss with their eyes open, but we recommend keeping your peepers shuttered during a first or early kiss, as wide eyes can freak some people out.)
20 … kiss with gum or food in your mouth.