Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “How can I can convince two hetero dudes to have a threeway with me?”
Straight Single Guy (Max): Barring the possibility that you could trick these “hetero” dudes into your lair (using beer, snacks or Ahnold movies) I’d say that your best bet is to try and wiggle your way into the arms of two friends or, even better, the bromance. Face it: a lot of guys go by the super homophobic rule of “as long as the balls don’t touch,” so you’re much better off finding two guys that are as comfortable with one another’s body as they are with their joint egos. After that, your best policy is honesty. You can’t be coy about getting two guys at the same time, so I’d say be up front: “If you boys want me, you’re going to have to share. I’ll be in that room. Come find me?” Oh, and please end any threeway with a lot of high fives. They’re free, and you deserve it.
Straight Married Guy (Ben): What you really need to do is figure out if the MMF threeway is a “Yes,” a “No,” or a “Maybe” for these guys. Yes? No problem — go for it. No? it’s never going to happen – stop wasting your time. Maybe? Well, then it’s negotiable. And, while it’s easiest just to come out and ask, you can also test the waters by sharing “a sexy dream you had,” or confessing a fantasy after a few drinks. If you want to get fancy, use a Yes, No, Maybe list and cover a ton of ground all at once. And when you get your answer, you’ll know how to proceed. The “Maybes” are the ones that need convincing and what that really means is setting some ground rules. Maybe it’s no guy/guy touching. Maybe it’s lots of touching but no kissing. Maybe it’s only one cock visible at a time. Whatever. If it’s a “Maybe” for your guy, the question becomes, “What do you need to make this threesome happen?” And that is a question that can be answered.
Gay Committed Guy (Mark):
1. Get them drunk.
2. If that doesn’t work, you’re on your own. And when you find out, let me know.
3. “Dudes”?
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England — both asked us to file them under “shy.” To ask the guys your own question, click here.
geez when did this have to be a politically correct issue…..if u r gay, straight, bi, homophobic, or curious who cares this is about fantasy and making it happen. If ya want to do it, do it….if ya want to do it but are afraid of any variety of perceptions from whoever including yourself just get drunk and blame it on the booz 😀 lol
I had a MMF with two male who are friends and it started out awsome until the actual act started happening one guy couldn’t get into it and he said it was because of the other male. But honestly it was the hottest sexual experience I ever had! If a girl wants some MMF action I suggest doing it with someone other than your BF! I don’t think I know any guy who’s had a MMF experience with their girlfriend.
Personally after reading all of these comments I believe the following to be true. 1. I do not believe a man not wanting to touch another man makes him homophobic 2. I believe that a man flying into a panic over physical contact of his sexual organs with another males in this type of situation does speak to deeper issues 3. I do think that this rule itself likely began as an off shoot of homophobia. 4. I think it can be a shortend way to express a desire not to touch but in its general context does come across as being homophobic or born of societly ingrained issues with men touching sexually. Finally I do believe that all people have a right to their boundries in sex, but I also believe some of the awkwardness and discomfort in this particular type of situation comes from the general view of our society that men who touch in any way that could even be construed as sexual are gay or in some way attracted to men. I also think that if you are truly comfortable with your self and your sexuality that you shouldn’t be horrified if you do something that can be construed as gay or fly into a psychological panic if someone says you are. If your straight and comfortable with who you are you should be able to calmly tell someone you are heterosexual and are not attracted to men, instead of the general reaction I have seen most often which is to yell, become angry or violent, or become extremely defensive as if its the end of the world. It’s like Shakespear once said, “me thinks the lady doth protest to much,” In this case it is a man but the same idea applies, often but not always, the people who yell the loudest are the ones who feel guilty about what they like or are not willing to admit their feelings to themselves. These people may also simply have the ingrained process to be horrified by homosexuality, which I find truly sad, people should keep their hate to themselves or better yet learn to let it go.
Yes I know that was a bit of a rant, but I wished to cover all my bases while I was on this subject, also in case you’re wondering I am a bi-sexual female who enjoys watching two men together, I am open minded and my motto is whatever floats your boat, you like what you like.
Daniel , if your gf, decided to do it with you and a dog, and your balls rub, obviously she’s committing bestiality, are you?
I thought I had made it clear that I do acknowledge that it is sexual interaction with another male. I fully understand that. I think I just shortened it down to that phrase because typing out “heterosexual male who does not want his balls to touch another male” is kind of long.
I do see what you mean, Daniel. I still think that screwball was being rather rude to men who do feel that sexually touching another man would destroy their masculinity… it’s sad… but considering how deeply American society ingrains that in men starting when they are small children, it’s a wonder that their are hetero-sexual men like the contributor, or others I know personally, or perhaps some who have commented here who can be comfortable enough in that regard to not have some kind of a psychological panic over something like balls touching.
My point, though, which I fully believe still stands is that there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to people. Ever. Yes, you have a point as to why men often abide by that “no balls touching rule”. But I am sure that I could find examples of men who use that rule as a shortened way to say “I don’t want you to touch me, or me to touch you because I am not sexually attracted to you, but I would like to watch you f- that woman”. I am sure that if you looked, you could, too. Probably not most of the men I talk to, or most of the men you would talk to, but some. I was never trying to prove that there is not homophobia in the main thinking of that rule – just that not ALL men who abide by it are homophobic.
Elizabeth, 1) you should acknowledge that an MMF threesome *is* a sexual interaction with another man. I agree with you that a straight man not intentionally wanting to have gay sex with another man isn’t instrinsically homophobic. But that’s not I am talking about. My delineation is more nuanced. I am saying that when a man is in a sexual context with another man, to attempt to create this kind of “scrotal prohibition” speaks to a deep homophobia where even an accidental graze could create a psychological panic. The prohibition says this: “AT ALL COSTS, I DO NOT WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF AS HAVING ANY SEXUAL DESIRES FOR ANOTHER MAN.” The fact that there is such a “no balls touching rule” to even discuss speaks to its male homophobia and crisis of masculinity. If we make the inverse case with MFF thresomes (as screwball did), has anyone ever heard of the “no tits” touching rule between women? Of course not. Why? Because touching tits doesn’t create such an upheaval to the *individual* or social meanings of heterosexuality and femininity.
Rolando, speak for yourself, the only perception of it being non-heterosexual is yours. Throughout the world, there are various degrees of personal space that cultures engage in, specifically men kissing on the mouth in Slavic countries, or men holding hands as in the Arabic countries. They have no perception of their acts being homosexual, but more importantly, they dont have a perception that our lack of such masucline closeness is a sign of our national collective homophobia , especially where Arab countries are concerned. So in conclusion, the perception is personal, and definitely your very own.
Who is saying that there is nothing remotely homosexual about “two men with boners rubbing their balls together”? Yeah, there’s obvious homoerotic interaction going on there… which is fine. I’m pretty sure the conversation was about whether or not a man could NOT want to engage in homosexual/homoerotic activities and not be homophobic.
And I agree, it’s all about a spectrum. And some people could be okay with being one step closer on this spectrum by having more “boners” in the room, but not the next step, being having their sexual organs touch. I just don’t think that because you’re willing to take one step, you have to take the next… and that people can have whatever sexual boundaries they want.
It’s not black/white, on/off, gay/straight. It’s a wide spectrum with a loooot of grey area.
Let’s get something damn straight: the more boners there are in a particular sexual interaction, the closer that interaction is to being gay on the straight-to-gay spectrum. Not comfortable with that? Will you at least settle for “homoerotic?”
Anything wrong with that? Of course not! I’ve done it myself. I look back on that instance and say, “damn… that was kinda gay.” I don’t care. That doesn’t bother me. But let’s call a spade a spade. What’s with all the “there’s nothing gay about two men with boners rubbing their balls together” bullshit? Sounds like some of you aren’t as comfortable with homosexuality as you’d like to think.
Rolando, I see your point, but I still disagree. I think it’s totally fine if the man has no desire to sexually touch another man… even if they are involved in the same sexual act. Their pleasure in that act could come from the fact that they both desire to please the woman, the voyeuristic/exhibitionist aspects, or whatever.
Using my own example, I would be okay with being involved in a FFM threesome, but I would not want to touch the other woman. Not out of fear/disgust/hatred/whatever, but because I don’t desire to touch another woman. I would really enjoying watching my guy with her, and knowing that she was watching me with him, but would not want to be involved with touching her physically.
I am sure that for some men, it is about the perception as being seen as homosexual. But I am also sure that for some men, it is honestly about a lack of desire to sexually touch another man. Really, my issue with these comments is the fact that people on here continually make sweeping generalizations about all hetero- men who have no desire to have their dirty bits fondled by another man (or his dirty bits). Generalizations and stereotypes are not ALWAYS true. Often, they aren’t even true most of the time, and it’s not fair to make those kinds of statements.
“I believe the exact same can be applied to the ‘balls touching’ issue. It is possible to not enjoy sexual acts because of the people involved, without it being because of the meaning.”
The only problem with this reasoning is that, even if the two men were to never touch, they’d still be joined in a sexual act together. They’d be having sex with the same woman. The ‘balls touching’ “issue” isn’t about who is or isn’t involved, it’s about perception. Specifically the perception of being non-heterosexual.
The easiest way is simply to ask. Guys generally aren’t bashful about portyraing their sexual desires.
As far as the sidebar that has started I think Elizabeth pretty much makes the most sense. I’ve been with 2 girls, didn’t like it. Just because something is popular in the media don’t stereotype guys into being that way. I like my rimming but I don’t like anything other than a tongue near my ass. Yes I tried a dildo, again don’t like it. So what’s that make me? Truth be told sexual preference is no different than what foods you like. If someone eats meat they aren’t some uncaring uncivilized person . . . they just like meat. If someone is a vegetarian they aren’t a pansy tree-worshipping fairy . . . they just don’t eat meat.
Respect each other’s differences. Just because someone doesn’t walk down the same path as you doesn’t mean they are lost.
Just ask them! Start with strip poker (that’s how I found myself in the situation), twister or some other game that can be suggestive and let it go where it goes. Despite all the commentary, when sex is on the table, few guys are going to refuse. Let them figure out the “positioning” that they are comfortable with, trust me, they will.
Now, having said that, if one of the guys is your very significant other, be prepared that there porbably will be changes in your relationship due to what happens… just sayin’.
My bf is super against MMF.. but it’s a secret fantasy of mine. 1) He isn’t homophobic per say, but he won’t happily strip down and screw with another guy. 2) He’s sort of the jealous type. I know loves me too much to be okay with me getting intimate with another guy. Hmph.. I love him too but how do I get him onboard?
Rei, are you upset you can’t find an M partner for your FMM escapade? maybe it’s you not them?