photo by love janine

I make sure to introduce toys early on into a relationship. Basically, if a potential partner isn’t okay with toys then I’m not going to be okay with him. I don’t need toys to have an orgasm, but they can be awfully nice to have around. The orgasms are more intense, the process is more efficient, and when my boyfriend is all tapped out, he can still get me off.

I think the trick to buying your partner a sex toy is making a true present out of it. Definitely go for something in classy packaging — many toy companies now package their toys almost like jewelry. If she already has a couple of toys, get her something nicer than she would buy for herself, like something from JimmyJane or Lelo. If she’s new to sex toys, try one of the quirky vibes from Fun Factory (they really put the “toy” in “sex toy”). Until you know her tastes and preferences, it would be wise to steer clear of realistic — I think many of the beautifully designed non-realistic toys are less intimidating.

– K., commenting on “Wise Guys: What Do Men Think of Sex Toys in Bed?”

photo by Lawrie Cate

A college-student contributor friend of ours, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

Before my freshman year of high school, I didn’t know much more about sex than the basic mechanics. Insert tab A into slot B and, voila, you have a baby and/or an STD.

This was the biggest lesson I took away from my early sex education: no matter how hard you tried to protect yourself, no matter how many condoms or birth control pills came into play, those would be the only two outcomes. Any sex would lead me to a hospital bed nine months later, baby in my arms, deadbeat teen dad at large, and wishing I hadn’t been such a non-abstinent whore. I was sufficiently scared out of having sex.

These lessons came not from some backwards colony of religious zealots but from a public school education in a moderately liberal suburban town. As it turned out, my real sex education — the one that I carry with me to this day — came from my synagogue. Read the rest of this entry »

photo by Sara Bjork

Our contributor Carrie asked us this question recently — for her, she says she knows the end is nigh when she starts feeling more self-conscious and uncomfortable around the guy. For her friend, it’s when she loses interest in PDA with the partner. How about you: What are your personal tell-tale signs that a relationship is winding down? Post your answers in the comments section below.

photo by (nutmeg)

We got a TON of great comments on the “How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?” post, from Spes, SS, Madamaoiselle L….it was so hard to choose one! So we picked two:

Rhett Butler: Let me recast the question to illuminate it a bit more.  While the analogy isn’t perfect, let’s replace “sex” by “marriage” and reverse the gender roles and see if it makes any difference.  How long should a guy expect to be able to make a woman wait before he commits to marriage? He should make her wait as long as he needs to in order to be sure that she really is the one for him.  Conversely, it is not at all unreasonable for a woman to say that she wants to get married, and if it’s not gonna happen in this relationship, then she should feel free to move on.  The actual time frame is completely up to the individuals.  Whatever each finds reasonable really should be fine.  The same with sex.  We all enter into relationships with priorities, and it is up to each person to negotiate to see that his/her needs are met. Period.  Whatever they mutually find satisfactory is the correct length of time.  But let’s leave any notions like, “if he really loves you he’ll wait” out of it.  It is legitimate to expect sex in a relationship at some point.  And a man can reasonably weigh the chance that the relationship will work out against his immediate needs.  If he thinks his odds are too remote for a long term relationship, then he should certainly feel free to move on. That isn’t selfish, nor demonstrative of a lack of respect.

Dannie: Speaking of gender.  Let me say here that I’m not exactly 100% with the way we’re gendering this, that gals make guys wait for sex and men make women wait for marriage.  The sex of the individual is outside of the equation: one person is ready for one thing while the other is not.  That is it.  And I do believe that guys can take a stake and put time into a relationship for more than just sex.  If they are attracted to the person, yes, they will want sex–but they should also want their prospective partner to want it, too.  Furthermore, the idea that a woman would be denied sex because a man thinks she is not ready when she has decided she is just reeks of patriarchy.  Just as a person has a right to decide not to have sex, they have the right to decide to have sex.  And there is nothing wrong with either decision.

Read all of the thought-provoking comments on “How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?” here.

photo by e.esders

Just to prove that it’s not only women who fall hard on a first date, get swept up by their libido, and never hear from said date again…

I met this beautiful gal on a dating website. We had a second date, had a great time, spent the entire day together. At the end of the evening we ended up at her home, and one thing lead to another… I thought we both had a great time and I was totally interested in seeing her again — then, the next morning, she sent me a “Dear John” letter. So obviously in this case, it was way too soon. I knew in my head this might happen, but it still hurts when it does. Live and learn I guess.

– Steve, commenting on “Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?”

photo by nayrb7

A college-student contributor friend of ours, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

I woke up one morning after an evening chugging most of a jug of $3 wine and several cups of that uniquely collegiate concoction “jungle juice.” Head pounding, eyes squinting, and stomach lurching, I realized there was a half-eaten piece of pizza on my dresser and I had absolutely no idea how it got there.

On my way to the fridge to grab a bottle of water, I tripped over the answer: a pizza box from a pizza place I’d only ever order from when drunk. I checked the label: delivered at 3:42 a.m. I opened the box: four pieces missing. I had ordered a pizza, eaten three and a half slices, and couldn’t remember a second of it.

My friends now refer to this as the night of the “accidental pizza.” And while I’ve gotten into a choreographed routine of telling the story, I’m really embarrassed about what I did. I lost complete control of myself, mind and body. Which got me thinking: what else could I accidentally end up doing when I’m acting purely on drunken instinct? Or who else? Read the rest of this entry »

photo by J. Tann

The fact that I can’t seem to form an opinion on this topic troubles me slightly. Is there something (other than the obvious) wrong with me? Am I ‘too nice’ to even have a conviction? Most of my firsthand experiences came at a time when pubic topiary was a rarity so the state of nature seems pretty normal to me. I have encountered a few who were trimmed or waxed and it struck me as interesting and novel but not compelling. Generally, I’m just happy to have the opportunity to play. The length of the grass on the field is so trivial it doesn’t warrant much discussion. Please note that no slight is intended to those partisans who are willing to fight and die over the issue; I just don’t feel it.

– Slartibartfast, commenting on the post “Wise Guys: What’s the Appeal of Bare Down There?”