photo by specialkrb

Okay, so maybe we haven’t actually met someone who’s tried out the Kashi line in the grocery store. And we can’t guarantee that everyone will find kegel jokes as funny as we do. But the jukebox is a slam-dunk. These icebreakers might just make for more natural segues into a fully-fledged pick-up. (You’re welcome.)

1. At the jukebox: “Do they have any Dolly Parton/Rick Astley/Whitesnake/[insert the artist most ridiculously unseemly for your location]?”
2. At the laundrette: “Do you have change for a dollar?”
3. At the buffet table: “May I scoop you some Jell-O?”
4. At the library: “Shh!” [said with a cheeky grin as he or she walks past]
5. In a long line: “Can you tell I’m kegling right now?”
6. At the pool table: “Nice leave!”/”They’re playing doubles, wanna be my partner?”
7. Walking down the street: “Excuse me, I think you dropped this…”
8. In the cereal aisle at the supermarket: “You should try Kashi, it changed my life. Seriously.” (With any luck they will discern your subtext: “Fiber turned me onto anal sex! Seriously.”)
9. At the gym: “Do you know how this machine works?”
10. At the office water cooler: “Hello, I’m [your name], I don’t believe we have been introduced. How long have you worked here?”
11. At a political rally: “Wanna get high?”