Reader Dave posted the following cautionary tale in response to our post, “Your Call: I Want My Wife to Have an Affair; She Thinks I’m Nuts”:

I think you need to tread very carefully here… just to give you my experience…

My wife and I often talked about her being with another guy while we were making love and it really heated things up and she would often get really turned on by the idea (during sex) but afterwards not so much.

One day we were at a nudist beach and walking through the dunes, this guy with a towel wrapped around him flashed his semi-erect penis at my wife. She stopped dead and could hardly believe her eyes, we talked about it for a few secs and decided we would pitch our beach shelter and have some fun with this guy. Once set up, the wife and I started to make love while he watched on, he gradually came closer and touched my wife’s breasts.

She seemed ok with this so we kept going, then I got too horny and had a disconnect between my brain and the rest of me, I took her hand and placed it on his balls. She didn’t really react and started to do more with him.

Eventually, he came on her hand and breast. I was in heaven still making love to her. However, not long after she told me to stop, that she couldn’t continue, and started crying. We packed up said goodbye to the guy and left.

Afterwards we talked about it and it turns out she was happy to be watched but never wanted to touch the guy and after I made her touch him she was upset and just wanted it to finish quickly, which is why she pulled him to make it end as soon as she could. If I hadn’t rushed her in to touching him, she said that she thinks it could have happened naturally when she was ready but that now she no longer wants to think about it or try it again.

That was several years ago and it still causes problems in our relationship and sex life.

Please do not rush in to anything and don’t push her in to doing anything she doesn’t want. Anything you agree to do should be talked about well in advance and clear boundaries set so everyone knows what everyone else is comfortable with.