Is Cuckolding a Real Trend, Or Just Another Internet Meme?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your thoughts in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

A lot of erotica & porn is devoted to cuckolding (either interracial or less racially oriented). Observers claim that many women are happily liberating their “inner slut” by freely exploring their sexuality, mostly via fuck-buddy-style sex with partners outside their primary relationship (boyfriend or spouse), & often with BF or husband’s permission, encouragement or participation.

Is all this supposed increase in women being free to “fuck around like men do” just another internet meme or popular theme in porn — or is such a phenomenon truly occurring to any significant degree? The blogs (tumblr & elsewhere) that flaunt amateur pics & video are quite numerous, so I wonder if this might in fact be a growing subculture, in the US & Europe. Any insight you can offer?

— Cuckold-Curious

Leave your thoughts for C.C. in the comments section below!


  1. My wife passed away in May of 2014, so I feel free to share now. I had never heard the term ‘cuckold’ until just last year, 2017. I suppose you could say that I became an accidental cuckold when I walked in on my then girlfriend giving a ‘goodbye’ blowjob to her last boyfriend. I guess at this point I should also mention that at age 21 I learned something new about myself while serving in the U.S. Navy. I had never been attracted to a man and had girl friends and one-night stands (being a musician in the 70s and 80s pretty much guaranteed you were going to get laid, even if the band wasn’t very good). But I met one gentleman, and he truly was a gentle soul, who I became sexually attracted to even though I could never quite explain why. I eventually gave in to my desire and told him, and he was receptive to me being his ‘girlfriend’, although he would not be reciprocating my pleasure. That was not a problem for me because I just wanted to take care of this man’s sexual urges while meeting my own with female partners. It was during this relationship that I realized I was bisexual in nature, although I have never been attracted to someone of the same sex quite like I was with my ‘boyfriend’. So, when I walked in and found my girlfriend giving oral sex to her ex, for whatever reason I became turned on and my own penis went from flaccid to fully erect in about a nano-second. I still have no idea why it turned me on so much and made me indulge my bisexual nature that night and probably never will. She already knew of my past experiences as I did of hers since we kept no secrets from each other. I then asked if they were going to fuck, he immediately said yes while she said no, but I told her if she wanted to it was okay by me. And they did, but he obviously had no clue how to actually be a good lover and it was not the best sexual experience for her even though I was able to masturbate and enjoyed watching. She would never see this man again as he lived in the L.A. area and we lived in the Monterey Bay area. We discussed this event and our feelings about what had happened and if she would ever want to do this with someone else. She said there were times when she met someone and had the desire for something to happen but had not taken the chance because of her feelings for me. I told her that if she felt that way again she could act on it as long as I was there to make sure the guy wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to happen. She only did it once, had a very unsatisfying sexual experience and said she never wanted to try it again. Being able to satisfy her sexual urges myself, I had no problem with her decision. We were married about 10 months later and remained married for 30 years in an absolutely happy, wonderful and sex filled marriage until her untimely death at age 53. It just so happens that she also ended up kind of becoming a ‘reverse’ cuckold, since she brought several of her friends and one of her sisters to our bed when she learned on their own need to be satisfied sexually and knew I could do the job for them. So, I don’t know if this helps the discussion, but wanted to chime in and say that this was my experience in 1984 and that this kind of thing really does happen.

  2. Most of it on internet is stage where performers are paid but they stage them to look amateur,I’ve notice many of them in other vids playing other part with different wives/husband ,even those like Janet Mason ,jade Jamison,Rio are not amateur their just not sign with a lable company,I’d said 80% of them are staged, but it dose go on in real life just not as much as they put on it dose,you got to remember it’s a business and like any business they feed what make them money.in porn they feed fetishs like gang bangs,anal, bondage ,cuckoldlings a fetish that men and women have so just like some people want to see hairey women it her look at cuckold ,in porn this day and time you can find bout anything you might think up it’s became sick

  3. 15 years ago I gave my Wife to be a CB-2000 male chastity device and promised her I would wear it when ever she wanted, because her previous husband and live in boyfriend both left her for the other women they were doing. I wanted her to know I was serious and would be faithful to her.
    I never thought they actually worked or that my vanilla Wife would actually make me wear it, but within three years she was demanding and requiring I always wear it.. The past eight years I have been in a stainless steel device. My Wife says it makes me a better husband and she will never allow my penis to be free.
    Male Chastity device sales continue to go up every year, so it makes me wonder at what point will every husband be wearing one? I used to be a jealous guy, but since being chastity all the time I now would accept her having other lovers and remain faithful.

  4. I am no longer sure the place you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend a while studying much more or understanding more. Thanks for wonderful info I was on the lookout for this info for my mission.

  5. Until a few years ago, the reported practice of cuckolding in the West used to be a mystery to me also. But discreet inquiries confirmed that not only this has become quite a growing reality in the West but even in the Orient this is on the increase as an offshoot of permissiveness. The husband may or may not take the initiative or make arrangements, he tends to ignore the happenings. Some husbands even befriend the ‘guest’ or ‘paramour’ of wife treating him like a ‘service-provider’ even if the issue involved is wife’s ‘chastity’ (sic) who had taken the vow of fidelity along with him at the time of marriage. The wives, on the other hand, besides sexual urge (often not adequately fulfilled by the husband), look ‘outside’ in the wake of ‘freedom’ and ‘modernity’ and helped by the leaders in the peer group. Sex is now regarded by women like another natural hunger to satisfy which neither ‘home-cooked’ food is a preferred nor the attraction of new dishes is considered unhealthy to be shunned. Being a woman myself and having talked to dozens of women, as well as couples, on the subject, I can vouchsafe for it. My DH surprised me when I tried to know his views ‘theoretically’ not very long ago, He first laughed heartily and then told me not to be shy or secretive about it. He told me that he knew that I am bisexual and have had sex several times with two men, whose names he took – correctly. He even told me that out of curiosity he was contemplating to even see me in action , if it was not objected to by me and my paramours that is, and if he got any sexual kicks out of it. it would be ‘bonus’ and we could then have repeats. Incidentally, even at the age of 46 my husband continues to be well satisfying sexually; also I have no clue of his seeking other women…or men.
    Times are fast changing; those who resist would be fighting a losing battle.

    1. Very interesting Suvarsha I would love to chat with you about your experience. I wonder if what we see as new behavior is just more open and visible behavior. I think that women have always had sex with who they wish or at least some have. The question should be why does a woman want her husband to know and accept that she has sex with other men. Many women who have a cuckold husband not only want him to accept her sexual behavior but to participate and often service the other men or to let her friends know he is a cuckold. Cuckolding is often a form of domination and the husband is trained to feel sexual pleasure by submitting and positive reinforcement makes him more willing. Kissing your wife after she has performed oral on another man is not much different than performing it and often ends up with hubby sucking. I doubt that race has much to do with it since personality traits are universal.

  6. I definitely think it is real. I have been cuckolding my husband, Sven, for a year now and we both love it. Many of my lovers have been bigger and better in bed than hubby and he also enjoys the humiliation a bit. In the end I just need more and better sex than what he can provide.
    He is usually just watching and not participating though.

    1. Hi Sara,
      I REALLY want to introduce this to my wife. She’s VERY vanilla and we’ve had problems in the past with MY infidelity. Honestly, I feel like the ONLY way I can gain enough control to remain faithful is to have her CAGE and Cuckold me. Any suggestions?

  7. My wife had sex with another man even though our sex life was great. Eventually she convinced me to allow her to have sex with other men and to join in she even had me recruit other men. She has had many partners over the decades and I have been involved in most of the action. Once we started it became obvious that cuckolding is common all over and involves people from various cultures and races. I was surprised by how many men wanted me to service them

  8. As an Indian in the US when I tried to find sex with women it wasnt very encouraging. The one night I had an idea changed my profile to half black (I’m very dark and muscular being a South Indian) and posted my ad in the M looking for couples. Lo and behold the responses were so much more ! I now service 3 couples regularly in cuckoldry. Single women…still difficult. So, I guess there is some truth to it.

  9. Yes it is more common. Hubby and I have been in a cuckold marriage for ten years now, and the last three have been really intense. The first seven years I was only with white guys. The last three have ONLY been with the same two black men.

    I have seen hubby go from straight to what I think may be gay now. He is not allowed to have sex with me but really enjoys oral sex with my lovers.

  10. All those trends just show that humans are miserable.
    From day to day the world gets a little bit more fucked up, pushed by the media, entertainment and what not.

  11. I honestly didn’t believe any of the cuckold stuff at all . It looked so rehearsed in what they filmed that I couldn’t believe what I saw . Besides how can a man who loves his wife allow her to be with another ? If I were invited to just watch it happen I would be a believer then . I would like to just meet the couple and see for myself that they are an actual couple and then wait for a door bell to ring and watch another man come into their home . Then I would believe it . It is so easy for the folks in adult film industry to fake it because you have lights all over , you can hear camera shutters going off in the background so no as Of now I don’t really think its true . If any couples in this lifestyle would allow me to watch , I would love it and would be respectful of course . I’m not even sure I would watch the whole act unless they said I could . If I just saw permission from the couple for the couple for another man to touch her how ever he wanted may be enough for me .

  12. Let me ask this question to you that are into this , when I see all of it online much of it looks like Porn with Porn Actors in it . But you guys say you do it so how does it begin for most of you ??? Is it watching your Wife with another man right in front of you ? Why is that a turn on for you , is he bigger or what ? I am asking because I am trying to understand and not judge . I am just asking , so please help me understand your lives . Someone said in an article I read that ” You are only One experience or swap away from the end or your Marriage or Relationship ” ? Is that true and if so do you at all worry ? What about Rules , lets say it’s Thursday night and its your day to do it , what about those other Days Is your spouse allowed to go and see them or does it have to be on THE day . Thank you for your time and effort with this .

    1. Most of what is online is acting. I am a voyuer. I get great pleasure from seeing her with someone. It has nothing to o with the size of his penis, or even level of performance. we talked about it a lot before we tried it, and took small steps. A few times of just watching her make out, and eventually the full act. We dont do this often. maybe 2-3 times a year with carefully chosen partners. It is not for everyone, but we like it.

      1. Thanks for sharing, jimbob. Sounds like you guys approached this in a very smart and thoughtful way. Any advice you want to share with new couples just getting started out?

  13. My husband got me into “hotwifing” which was weird before I learned to enjoy it. The variety was great and some were just much better than my husband.

    It became more of a cuckolding thing when I started doing it more often and for my own pleasure rather than for hubby’s kink.

    The cuck aspect was more intense as I would lose interest in sex with my husband when my needs were better met from a lover.

    I have two married friends that are involved in the Hotwife / Cuckold fetish. I would think that it is indeed on the rise.

  14. I would say it is both. But, and a very important but. I think the fantasy is the powerful thing and most men, if they want to live this fantasy out, they do so in a Pseudo fantasy way. Meaning they usually would go to say…a dominatrix, in which he would be cuckolded by the dominatrix instead of his actual wife. As for this in porn, it is quite common and becoming much more visible and popular in the Female Domination/Fetish scene.

  15. I was in a pseudo cuckold relationship and loved it.
    I say pseudo because we cuckolded each other from time to time. She did most of the activity but once in awhile I’d bring another girl home. She was Bi.
    She loved “catching” me in the act with another girl and then joining in.

    90% of the time it was her with other men either in front of me or just before I got home.

    There was never any interracial stuff or bisexual acts by me ever. That would’ve been a turn off for her although I was open to be orally giving but that’s it.
    I DID however eat creampies on the occasion when it was safe to go bareback.
    That was as far as our humiliation ever went. Well, it went further in the sense that she would pick up guys at the club I worked at…so I could see things progress and so could my coworkers…Often they would tell me they saw my GF dancing/making out/leaving with another guy. I just casually said we have an open relationship and would play off as super confident….truth is I liked that humiliation. I liked knowing that everyone knew my girl was going to get fucked by some dude at closing time and that I would be going home to her after I clocked out. She always had between an hour and an hour and a half to get home and get fucked…often she’d time it so that I’d see him leaving and going to his car as I was pulling up. I would text her when I left work so she could do that. I loved knowing I was getting fresh seconds!

    The range of emotions though was the real high…being trapped at work yet seeing her do her thing and knowing she was going to get fucked before I got home was very intense…it was a turn on but also there’s fear, jealousy, humiliation and I would often get a knot in my stomach and feel like I was in a bubble…

    I would never want to be a feminized or denied cuckold though…I like to get seconds…although SOME chastity play, would be fun I in no way would ever want that as a lifestyle.

  16. @ Bob T: Your “impression is that I’m doing them a favor.” What gives you that impression? Did you make that up to assuage your guilt, or have you asked these guys (who you know) whether they mind what you’re up to? You think no one has the “right to demand sexual fidelity from a partner.” Really? Based on what? What if two people pledge fidelity to one another? Just doesn’t count, because you have a different view? Do you have any idea how toxic infidelity is? Head in the sand just a bit, Bob T?

  17. I am a dominatrix to a white clientele, and I can tell you that my top 2 requests are cuckolding with a black man involved and male sex with a black man.

    For some men, cuckolding is about humiliation. For others, it is strictly a turn-on to just watch another man with his wife. Keep in mind, too, that this genre draws the educated crowd, which is why it is often called the PhD of Kink.

  18. Must admit, I’ve developed a thing for married ladies. Reason is that when you get together, there’s none of this courtship drama, no ‘rescue me.’ Just straight-up sex. The less complication, the better it is and they know it.

    As for their relationship with the husband, that’s none of my business. I do insist on discretion, and make it clear i have no interest in disrupting the marriage. I do slightly know a few of the guys, and my impression is that I’m doing them a favor.

    Besides, I just flat do not believe that anyone has a right to demand sexual fidelity of a partner. If you feel like it, you are. And if not, you don’t.

  19. I could not agree more with that last sentence. It ruins so many otherwise good erotic stories on various erotic story websites.

    Also, don’t forget that the possibility that “women are happily liberating their *inner slut* by freely exploring their sexuality” doesn’t necessarily mean cuckolding. It could mean swinging, or polyamory, or some other setup.

  20. Penthouse Forum had stories about “wife-watching” decades ago: it seems like a kink with a history. If the “Sex at Dawn”/”sperm competition” people are to be believed, the idea of a man getting of on the idea of “his” woman (please note the scare quotes) being with another guy may even be something we’re hard-wired for.

    The whole racial thing is another question though. It’s really, really disturbing, and any focus on that in, say, a story, ruins so much of what makes the idea hot.

  21. It’s both. It’s a real fetish that got memed up, which increased awareness of the fetish, and attracted even more enthusiasts. Now it’s an incredibly common one for men and women, although I’d guess that most couples still keep it in the realm of fantasy without actually acting it out.

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