Dear Em & Lo,
What is the average number of BJ’s a guy in a relationship receives? (FYI: I’m a straight guy.)
— Joe Blow
Dear Joe,
The actual average, even the more accurate median number (if they were somehow knowable, which they’re not) would be totally misleading, because the amount varies so incredibly wildly from relationship to relationship.
There are some people who really hate performing fellatio, who find it so distasteful or gag-inducing they’d rather gnaw on a dirty garden hose than go down. There are even guys who don’t like receiving BJs (it’s true!). Then there are the gals (and guys) who are soooooo into giving them and the guys who are sooooo into receiving them that it borders on a fetishization of the act. And of course, people fall everywhere along the spectrum between these two love-it/hate-it extremes.
And so the fellatio preferences of people in relationships rarely line up exactly — it’s practically mathematically impossible! Person A thinks it’s downright nymphomaniacal that person BJ seems to want one a few times a month while person BJ can’t understand why person A isn’t loving his unit every day like it was a creamcicle in August…in Yuma, AZ…during a severe drought.
Enter: communication, negotiation and compromise. In a committed, loving relationship, both parties should be able to discuss their differing sexual preferences and try to come up with a solution that satisfies both parties. Sometimes this just isn’t possible: one guy might need BJs to feel sexually attractive, virile and fully sated, while giving them makes his partner feel degraded, uncomfortable and nauseated — not exactly a match made in heaven. And if neither person is willing to budge without feeling some lingering resentment, then it’s probably a deal breaker.
But that’s an extreme case. BJs — or, for that matter, cunnilingus, doggy, anal, bondage, etc — they’re each just one sex act out of many. Try focusing on the things you both really enjoy. And maybe you could negotiate the occasional BJ on birthdays, holidays, and Leap Years. Hey, absence might make the dick grow fonder!
Em & Lo
