photo by galateadia

Dear Em & Lo,

I have been seeing this guy for a year and a half now, he is my best friend, we do everything together. I am in love with him. He refuses to commit or even give us the title of “boyfriend/girlfriend.” Which in turn makes me insecure, jealous, and basically unhappy with the whole “friend” title. I have tried to “break up” (which I technically can’t do cuz of our “friend” status) and still I just can’t let it go. I can’t go on in this limbo and he just won’t budge in the commitment department. I do not want to lose him as a friend but I need for myself to move on…Any suggestions?

–Torn

Dear T,

You’ve already answered your own question: You need to move on. He’s been nothing but honest with you about the set-up of this relationship, and after 18 months it’s a safe bet he’s not going to change his mind about it. If you can’t be happy with this arrangement (and you obviously can’t), then cut your ties with him. It’s simple math. You will be happier with the result. It may not feel like it at first, but down the road you’ll wonder how you put up with so much less than you wanted. You might lose a friend, but you’ll gain self respect. (Btw, he might change his tune once you’re out of his life and he realizes what he’s missing, but you should not end the relationship simply in the hopes of this unlikely outcome — do it for yourself. And if he decides to become the “boyfriend” you’ve always wanted, then hey, bonus!)

Go on now, scoot!

Em & Lo