We know that this week’s question is kind of a gimme — like, duh, of course she should dump his cheating ass. But (a) we thought that the reader in question would be more likely to do the actual dumping if she heard that advice from a bunch of you, and (b) we’d love you guys to weigh in on the idea of stopping an illicit sexual encounter halfway because you feel bad. Is it possible that this has ever happened, even once, in the history of dating? That’s a serious question, by the way.
Soooo… make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.
Dear Em & Lo,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Before me — and also, I suspect, whenever we break up — he is a bit of a player. Every time we break up he goes and parties and texts other girls. But this time, something may have actually happened.
Okay, so we have just found out we are pregnant. We were excited but then everything changed. We broke up and he went out partying. Well TWO DAYS after we broke up, someone told me he was seen at a hotel with a female. I went to go check it out and actually saw it for myself.
Well, we got back together two days after that. And I confronted him about it. He did not lie about being there, because he knew I saw him I asked what happened with the girl and he said nothing. That he couldn’t go through with it because it wasn’t me. She didn’t have my eyes or lips or any of my bodily features. It’s someone he’s dated before, I even saw hickeys on his chest and neck. My question is this:
Do guys initiate meaningless sex or sex in general or let girls initiate it, and then when it’s about to happen (even getting as far as getting hickeys), they back out because they feel that it’s nasty and they are starting to miss their ex??
I have a gut feeling that he did it. But I can’t determine if the feeling is my gut or my fear. Should I forgive him and let go or break up with him for good?
— Blinded by Love
Ok, he sounds like a dick. In answer to your original question, yes, men sometimes panic or have crises of conscience mid-coitus. So what? The time for a crisis of conscience is BEFORE you stick it in.
Two days after the happy news that you’re pregnant, you just “break up”? Sorry, that’s some incomplete story telling right there.
I know everyone wants their ex to pine over them for a year so we can be the first to move on and not them, but that’s not how it works. All bets are off when you’re broken up.
What if this lady’s putting him through hell? What if that’s why they broke up? I am VERY suspicious of people who give too little background information when asking for sympathy or support. WHY did you break up two days after being happy and excited about the pregnancy news? It matters.
I’m not vilifying this guy until I get more information.
Good point, Johnny! We asked the original poster to stop by this post, so hopefully she’ll be able to answer some of your questions soon…
No no no. We had known about the baby for about two weeks at this time. Then we broke up, and two days later he was seen with someone else and two days after that we were back together.
And I can assure you I didn’t put him through hell, I did everything for him. Washed his clothes, made my half of the money, while already being a stay at home mom, I cooked almost every meal, and cleaned the house almost immaculate considerin I had 4 kids at my house constantly (I’m a childcare provider)
He started picking fights and accusing me of cheating and started checking how many miles I went in my car each day. And if I tried to reply he’d get mad and storm off and I’d tell him I can’t do it anymore. And he left, just left.
I just fee he’s ungrateful of what I do daily for him, and since the baby is on its way he felt that this was a good time to go out for one last hoorah.
I’m not asking you to vilify him. I know the deed was in his mind, he admitted it. I’m just asking if it’s possible for men to stop in the heat of the moment with another woman because they miss their ex.
And I never wanted him to pine over me, I just didn’t expect him to go and get cozy with someone else knowing there’s a possibility he’d get back with the mother of his child. I mean it’s pretty clear he didn’t want it to be over, he was the one who came begging two days after he was seen at the hotel. Saying he’d change and everything.
The main thing was, I couldn’t deal with his jealousy and insecurities. I mean it was everyday he was accusing me of cheating and checking my mileage and I’ve never even given him a reason to not trust me. Not even when we were broke up. I’ve always been faithful to him, even when we were broke up.