Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I’m a 40-year-old woman who has become friends with a 20-year-old co-worker. He is like a younger cousin or family member to me, we get along great and have a lot in common. But lately I have started having dreams about him that have me kind of freaked out! We are usually out with a group of friends somewhere (a club, a restaurant) and having friendly discussions with everyone, when he will suddenly grab me and start kissing me! Then things progress from there and we are in some kind of room having sex — and not just “regular” sex, either…wild and crazy sex. He’s also very commanding and decisive about what he wants to do, which isn’t anything like his real personality. I have been so embarrassed now whenever I see him as this is all I can think about! What is going on in my mind?
Lauri: Oh my…your inner cougar is surfacing! Or is it? Only you know for sure if you desire this young man. But I’ll go on the assumption that you do not since you were concerned enough about these dreams to write in to me. Experiencing a sex dream about someone you know can certainly be a head scratcher… and in some cases, a vomit inducer! But remember, sex dreams are rarely about a physical union you want but rather a psychological union you need. You mentioned that you get along really well with him, so odds are you have in fact “come together” with him on some level. Interesting though that he is very commanding in the dream. Let’s delve into that! Is he in charge of some project at work? Has he taken control of any problem or issue and shown that he really knows what he is doing? Whatever the case, your dreams are very likely marking the consummation of your psychological union or perhaps a meeting of the minds at work, which is a good thing! So worry no more and keep these dreams as your happy little secret.
Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s free Dream Dictionary on her site.
Are you a Cougar? No. I think you’re a healthy, sexual woman who’s attracted to a sexy man. It’s called human sexuality, it’s natural, normal and lots of fun!
The Cougar “phenomenon” is the worst thing to happen to women since the crimping iron.
The dream could just be about sex. You’re horny – he’s a man – voila, you dream about sex with him. It doesn’t mean that you would actually have sex with him.
Your dreaming mind doesn’t operate under the same taboos that your waking mind does.
It’s not that unusual for people to dream about sex with close family members, animals, etc.
In these cases, as in yours, a dream is just a harmless way of releasing sexual tension.
It doesn’t mean that they would ever commit incest, bestiality, etc. in their waking lives.
I’m with Jung on this and anyone who is interested in dreams should keep an eye out for the upcoming publication of “The Red Book.”
I agree with both!
I believe that dreams reveal hidden things about ourselves, especially things we are in denial about. Although at times I also believe dreams can be activated by momentarial emotion or arousal.
To me, it all depends on the moment, events of the day, and energy of the person right before bed/nap that will determine whether the dream will be meaningful or meaningless.
I’m with someone who has studied this, rather than someone with just an opinion of their own. I’ve been reading this blog a long time and the analysis makes sense.
I’m with Alan on this. I went to sleep horny one night and dreamed of someone, I don’t recall who, with an erect penis. I think he and i had sex in the dream.
Hi Alan,
I certainly do appreciate your comment. Believe me, a lot of people out there have the same view as you do. It’s far easier to assign meaninglessness to something we do not understand than try to understand it and learn from it.
But there is an innate knowledge within all of us, since the beginning of mankind that there is something powerful happening when we dream, which is why Oneiroscopy (the study of dreams) goes all the way back to Aristotle!
This innate awareness is what led me to study the dreaming mind. For the past 14 years I have dedicated my life to dream research, conducting focused and comparitive analysis between dream imagery and the content of the previous day.
I assure you that there is a method to the madness of our dreams and the dreaming mind has much more to offer than building a meaningless story around a horny moment.
I am speaking from research, experience and expertise… not from opinion.
After all, there is a reason we say, “Let me sleep on it.”
I’m sorry, and this is all a lot of fun, but it just doesn’t work like that. Has anyone else noted that no matter what the dream, there is always a benign but just-a-bit hidden explanation. Were I a crass and cynical man I’d suspect someone of making up happy endings as she went along.
Much, much more likely: at 3 am your hormones (for whatever reason) kick in. Desperately, your sleeping mind tries to find someone/something that could be causing it. It grabs the first vaguely useful image it can: a good-looking man in your office. It might as easily been your butcher or an ex-boyfriend you casually thought about that evening. Your mind builds a story to explain your arousal (and it builds it sloppily but it builds it amazingly fast)…you have not been aroused because of the story; you have created the story because of the arousal.
Dreams are not the royal road to the subconscious. They are just dreams.You can sometimes learn interesting things about yourself by examining the emotions that thinking about your dreams engender, but you can learn similar things by lying on your back looking at clouds, and that way you can also get a suntan.