3/11/10
How Do You Know When a Relationship Is Ending?

Our friend Carrie asked us this question recently — for her, she says she knows the end is nigh when she starts feeling more self-conscious and uncomfortable around the guy. For her friend, it’s when she loses interest in PDA with the partner. How about you: What are your personal tell-tale signs that a relationship is winding down? Post your answers in the comments section below.



44 Comments

  1. I am going through a 18 year breakup. He does not have time for me. Thare is always an excuse. He up and kicked me out aftr 15 years. He then started seeing a girl he works with. We still see each other but he does not call me like he used to, makes up excuses, never sees me and always expects sex, different sex than what we used have. Does not ever offer to spend time with me.

  2. My ex and i lived in two different states. i missed him terribly and we saw each other every couple of months but the first time he came here i wasnt as excited and i thought i should be. and i knew then something was wrong. i stopped wanting to call him as much and its like we faded away from each other.

  3. is it over r did it ever realy start think about it was it a fling are puppy love trust me i have been married three times and the first two times it never realy started could not see it then but now that i have met the love of my life i know for shore that the others was like a realy long fling but this is how u know that its ending and that is when they put the love of ur life in the ground and if thats not how it ended then it never began

  4. @ Hopelessly Single when you even have an INKLING that he’s married, it should be over! (i.e. have a “long distance” relationship and realizing he lives in the same town.)

    Lauren, I think it depends how old you are. If you are in your teens or early 20s, and he’s doing this, it’s pretty normal, if you are in your 30s or older, and he’s *always* choosing his buds over you, he’s a boy/man and probably will never grow up. By 30 or so most grown ups have paired up, (not all, but most) and see their friends much less frequently. Again, your mileage may vary. Trying to get a commitment out of a guy, over 30 or not, who is just not ready, or doesn’t feel this is THE relationship, is an exercise in futility. You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do, not well.

    That being said ALL men and women need their same sex friends. Even in a long term relationship. As for “mutual commitment” is should never be assumed. It’s something you both have to agree to, verbally. DO NOT assume “we’re committed and monogamous” unless it has been discussed.

  5. My boyfriend and i have been dating for a year and 6 months and he’s very laid back and a total go-with-the-flow type of attitude.
    So there will be times when he’ll go out with his friends and I’ll call him to meet up and he won’t call back until like 1 in the morning …
    then the next time I hang out with our groups of couples they will all have these inside jokes that I am an outcast too.
    Am I over reacting by feeling like he is choosing his friends over me?? I have no problem with “boys nights”. But I feel like too after a year and a half we should have a mutual commitment of wanting that other person with you when you go out.

  6. It’s Over when suddenly she doesnt want you to come over every nite to sleep with her,The constant texts and calls stop, starts getting bikini waxed, Lipposuctioned and Tummy tucked,Lots of Make-up and straightening her hair,Buying new lingerie from Victorias secret and Hot jeans from Expensive Stores, Then when she finds out her new “Beau” doesn’t want her either, she will be on here asking how to get Me Back. “Please forgive me!…I made a Terrible Mistake!, Let me prove myself”. All I feel now is Pity.What a shame, and waste of 3.5 Years of my Life.

  7. when you realized it has been 2 weeks since you last heard or saw the guy. His excuse of “im really busy” seems suspicious and your mother actually asked the question of why he hasn’t been around to see you.

  8. you no its over when you find out his ex hangs out at his house more than you do.when you complain he says its for the kids….and they are adults.

  9. it’s over when they come out of nowere and they ask you to “freeze” stay still and “don’t move” so they can whore around for a while and then come back to you. it’s over and when they come crawling back – you had better not be there

  10. I think it’s over when the power balance shifts one way or another. When one partner starts controlling the actions of the other using ultimatums and guilt rather than open communication. It often takes a while to recognize it, but I know the relationship is over if she’s changing who she is deep down for me or is trying to change me with psychological ploys.

  11. its over when you get into a fight and words you never thought that person would say comes flying out their mouth!!!!!!

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