The 4 Motives of Pick-Up Artistry

The following is part of a series on pickup artistry by longtime reader and contributor Johnny:

When I first looked into PU – not the game, but the actual real-time community – I was surprised at its positivity. If it had been full of anger or misogyny I would have been turned right off by it. While I TOTALLY see the problem feminists, or even just women in general, have with PU, I encountered mostly normal guys who wanted the same things all other guys want but were willing to go further to get it. I have personal sympathy for them and their struggle, even if they’re total dillholes sometimes.


I’ve never heard a guy say that his reason for all this is to avoid the pain of rejection, but rejection management is actually one of the first things a new PUA has to learn, and most get over it pretty quickly – if by “rejection” we’re talking about getting shot down in a bar. If we’re talking about, say, getting unceremoniously dumped by a monogamous girlfriend of two years who you were really in love with… well, PUA’s would say that comes with the territory and that’s why you should avoid over-committed mono relationships. So, yes. I guess it’s fair to say that fear of rejection is at least one of the PUA’s motives.


PUA’s would argue that as long as you lack choice – as long as your options are a) stay with your girlfriend or b) face an indefinite sexual Gulag alone, you’re not really free and can’t be happy. Any PUA, regardless of his attitude toward monogamous relationships, would agree that you can’t have a good relationship unless it’s one you’re REALLY in because you want to be in it – by choice, not by necessity.


They’d also argue that if you’re in one of those survival relationships, not only will you be miserable, so will your gal. PUA’s believe that women, like men, want the best they can get in a partner (and unlike “nice guys” PUA’s don’t hold that against women, choosing instead to rise to the challenge by becoming the most desirable men they can be). And if your woman senses that you’re a whipped doofus with no options who’s reliant on her for sex, well… you’re not the best she can get, and she’ll resent you for it, and she’ll mistreat you for it (a plight every “nice guy” knows; you want misogyny? Try getting in the head of a “nice guy” who feels that he’s been screwed over despite having played nice).


One guy I liked put it well, and I’m paraphrasing here:

Females start having nuanced and in-depth conversations with each other about emotion and attraction starting in girlhood. Male conversations on these matters are comparatively idiotic. The result is that by the time they’re men and women meeting on the field of sex, you’ve got relative beginners playing on the same field as experts.

All the seduction community does is provide men with a space to have the same types of conversations women were having all along. I recall most sex briefings with my friends being short and dumb: “did you bang her? NO? The fuck, man?”

But if you go to the community all, “Why doesn’t she like meeeeee?” they’ll say, “There there, tell us exactly what happened and we’ll tell you why she doesn’t like you.”

Not sure your crush is a PUA?
5 Signs You’re Dating a Pick-Up Artist