The Sex Toy Haiku Contest Winners!

We know the suspense has been killing you. But now all will be revealed. Behold, the winners of our Sex Toy Haiku Contest sponsored by Lelo!  @fredofsnakes will be getting a luxury Oden couples ring with SenseMotion technology as the winner of a random drawing from all who Tweeted their sex toy haikus. The competition was tough for the Best Written Haiku, but a beautiful Lyla egg-like massager (also from the Insignia line) is on its way to Chloe, an MVP who submitted several excellent three-liners. Since we had so many great entries, we’re including them as honorable mentions below. Enjoy!



by Chloe

The TV remote
from now on will always be
without batteries



by @fredofsnakes

unlike some things, dear
you never bore or bother
only delight me



The Lyrical Award
goes to Jillian:

I press, and you purr,
pebble-smooth against my skin;
a clockwork sweetheart.


The Stereotype Improvement Award goes to Chloe:

When ever they say
that us women love plastic
this is what they mean


The Amen Sister Award goes to Krista:

Too lazy to wax
That time of the month, fat day
You never complain


The Mortification Award goes to Frankie:

My nosy mother
Should have known better than to
Check the dishwasher.


The Subtle Yet Shameless Plea Award goes to Dutchyv1:

My partner would use
The sense motion controller
In a loving way


The Rhyme Time Award goes to Sara:

there is no guy here
only me and my plastic
oh how fantastic


The Flattery Will Get You Almost Everywhere Award goes to Miss Debauchery:

Em and Lo write books
That took me from awkward girl
To hot sex goddess.


The Appropriately Scandinavian Award goes to Donald:

Norse God Above All.
A Sex Toy mirrors your might,
Sold not at a Mall.


the e.e. cummings award goes to Danika:

bumblebee kisses
up from my knees to my lips
buzz, hum, murmur: click.


The Virginia Woolf Award goes to Courtney:

It spent months hidden/
At last, a room of my own/


The Damn Batteries Award goes to K.F.:

Worked up for nothing
Because I forgot to buy
Batteries again


The Savvy Traveler Award goes to K.F.:

Vacation packing
Bathing suit and vibrator
Can buy the rest there.


The Sweetly Sexual Award goes to Ricardo:

Buzz buzz love, buzz buzz,
The sound that means we’re coming
closer, together.


The Mother’s Little Helper Award goes to Alex:

my little blue friend:
makes me smile while the kids nap.
(yes, I named him BOB.)


The Next Best Thing Award goes to Krista:

A lackluster date
A quick goodbye; at home waits
My long time lover


The Lost Love Award goes to Lisa:

Lost you in the move
I found pleasure in my hands
But I still miss you

One Comment

  1. Wheee the Virginia Woolf award!!! I was trying to directly quote the line but couldn’t quite get it to work but you guys got it anyway! Happy days 🙂 This was a fun contest by the way!

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