We know that it’s pretty traditional on Valentine’s Day to share a candle-lit dinner which concludes with some kind of dessert involving chocolate and strawberries, and then you go home for face-holding, teary-eyed sex together. Well, in case you hadn’t noticed, we’re not exactly the traditional type around here. So here are five better ways to spend Valentine’s night in bed, inspired by our book 150 Shades of Play:

1. Find something in your house to spank each other with — a slipper, a ping-pong paddle, a wooden spoon, a spatula. Just remember to stick to spanking fleshy parts only (and if you have no fleshy parts, go back for a second helping of that strawberry and chocolate dessert). Here are some more spanking tips.
2. Talk dirtier than you ever have before. If you’ve never talked dirty, then try just narrating what’s happening as it’s happening — here are a few other tips on talking dirty without being dirty. If you’re a dirty talk pro, then make it your goal to go one step further. Make your partner blush! (FYI, check out our Wise Guys on dirty talk.)
3. Experiment with sensory deprivation. Blindfold your partner and then make them guess what you’re touching them with, or make them wear headphones so they can’t tell when you’re getting close.
4. Share a fantasy with your partner. This will be a little easier if you’ve had a few glasses of wine during your candlelit dinner. In fact, if you can do this without the aid of a little Dutch courage, then you’re a stronger person than either of us! Tell your partner something you’ve always wanted to try, or something you never want to try but you still love fantasizing about. If you can’t quite find the words to tell them, you can use sites like atube xxx to show them instead. Before you tell them, make them promise to tell you something, too. Hint: It’s Valentine’s Day, people! Make sure your partner has a starring role in this particular fantasy.
5. Fine, go ahead and do it missionary style. But here’s a way to turn up the heat in this position: Finally figure out the Coital Alignment Technique. Here’s why: full-body contact with a focus on the clitoris and a Buddhist-like repetition of steps that may very well get her closer to Zen (i.e. orgasm) better than any other hands-free intercourse position out there. Aw yeah.

For many many more ideas on how to spice up your Valentine’s night, anniversary night, birthday night, every other Sunday night…check out our book 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.