Your Call: What Should He Do for Valentine’s Day?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been dating a great girl for a few weeks now (yes, we’ve had sex, it’s awesome). I’m just not sure what to do for Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to do anything cheesy or cliche, but I don’t want her to be disappointed that she didn’t get the whole Valentine’s shebang either. I also don’t want to rush things, or make her think that any gesture is an unspoken confession of my undying love. I mean I like her, but I’m not quite at the “I love you” stage, at least not yet. So what should I do for the 14th?

— Big Heart

What should the BH do?


  1. Great opportunity to demonstrate that you want to please your partner and that you’ve been paying attention to what she likes. Not gonna lie, the old standards (e.g., flowers, choco) are awesome, as long as it’s clear that you aren’t being lazy or just going through the motions. Focus on warmth and attention to detail. Make the gesture personal and sincere and it’ll be a big hit.

  2. The best V-day date I ever had was with a dude I’d been seeing for only like, two or three weeks beforehand. I pointed out that the day was coming up and that I figured we should either do something super-cheesy or just ignore it altogether, and he went for cheesy. We ended up baking cookies (two batches – my favourite vs. his favourite) and then I think we played mario kart? I dunno, we were in college.

  3. Step 1: Bake something involved. I’m being serious. Find a recipe for something fancy, delicious, and sweet that you think would suit her taste. Does she like dark chocolate? Make truffles. Cupcakes? Find an interesting recipe and make a go for it. This demonstrates that you’re willing to put time and effort into making her something and will probably be endearing even if it flops (if it does flop, pick something else up as well). Another bonus is that it has the capacity to be thoughtful, but because you consume it so quickly, it’s hard to make it seem overbearing. Don’t overdo it on the packaging, though.

    Step 2: Sex her up. Do a little body worshipping, and like Dannie said, give lots of oral if she likes it. Give pleasure. Don’t make her work for it, unless she wants to.

  4. You should try doing something anti valentine’s day! Watch a scary movie and cuddle, maybe throw in a few heart shaped brownies, but be cool. Don’t talk about anything too deep and don’t put any pressure on the event. Hang out and relax together, you both deserve that.

    I recommend something that is thrilling more than terrifying, like The Shining.

    Good Luck

  5. Your mileage may vary tremendously but the best new-relationship present suggestion I ever got was “bath salts and tub toys.” (I mean toy toys, not sex toys.) The further admonition was “and don’t break the bank.”

    Like you and your partner we were at roughly the six week mark where it was too early to really go over the top, but far enough in that I really wanted to let her know I cared.

    While I admit it wasn’t my idea it felt great exercising my creativity around town looking for genuinely interesting toys and really nice bath bubbles and salts.

    And, again keeping in mind that mileage varies, it was a great suggestion because 20 years later we’re still together.

    Good luck,


  6. At this point in the relationship, almost everything is going to seem cliche unless you add some personal twist that shows you care about her interests–and since you gave us no insight as to her interests, most answers are going to seem generic. Take her to dinner, or make her dinner–her favorite. Flowers are necessary. They don’t have to be roses, but they should be nice. Sex her up like mad. And, unless she is someone who is against or dislikes it, do not skimp on the oral. Burn her CD of songs with some unifying topic, or if that’s too high-school Nick-and-Norah for you, find a movie or music you know she likes and enjoy it together. Or, you could do something -crazy-, and ask her what she’d like to do. I don’t see why planning the whole holiday has to fall on the guy’s shoulders; maybe you could each pick an activity and then end the day happily. Whatever you do, just make sure it shows that you are aware of her as an individual and you think those qualities are great.

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