Yes, yes, we know. This advice question will make a lot of people — especially men — mad. We almost didn’t publish it for this reason! But we felt it our duty to set this woman straight. Feel free to weigh in below, in the comments section, but let’s keep it classy, people! And if you have your own question to ask us, submit it here.
Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measures up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve..
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?
Here for the little people,
Em & Lo
It’s all about the size of the fight in the dog, not the size of the dog in the fight. I’ve had 4in to 14in (no shit), and I’ve found the larger the “dog” the less he thought he had to “fight”. What makes a lover is his style, and his love of women. She sounds immature to me, but if it’s size she’s interested in, work it girl. He might be a grower and not a shower, and won’t you feel like shit if you let him go.
LOVE/EMOTION counts way more than any size.
So very true. Yours is one short sentence that really summed up the issue of what’s truly important. Thank you.
Girth is where it’s at. I have been with a couple of guys around 8″ (or more) but both of my exes who were around 6″ with wider girth were easily the most satisfying in bed.
I do agree… don’t be sizeist until you’ve seen if the boy can work it appropriately in the bedroom. He may surprise you. It surprised me!!!
I’m going to hazard a guess that the LW is rather young and/or sexually inexperienced. She doesn’t mention any sexual experience other than her ex. In the face of a lack of sexual experience, a lot of young women ascribe the value to penis size imposed by the larger culture and porn.
This is not to say there aren’t women out there for whom a penis of a certain size is an absolute requirement. I’m just saying that LW hasn’t suggested that she has sufficient experience to know that she’s one of them. When I was a sweet young thing, I thought size mattered a lot more than it does. Then life tossed me a couple of phenomenal sex partners who were less than average in the size department (as well as some jumbo-sized underperformers, and guys of average size who fell everywhere along the spectrum). If she’s never been with anyone with less than 8″, there’s only one way to find out if she really is a “sizeist.”
Ralphie, I’d have to disagree with you. I think they’ve simply asked her to think through her judgment, and reconsider what might be a premature decision. She’s about to dump the guy because she’s /imagining/ the sex won’t be as good. She doesn’t even know yet. They’re just saying, “Try before you deny.”
Ultimately, if she needs 8″, she needs 8″, but shouldn’t she at least find out? If that ends up being the case, though, she should definitely lie through her teeth to the dumpee as a kindness!
E & L, I must disagree with you. Sizest needs to do herself and her new beau a favor and go elsewhere. She’s already made her judgment about this new guy and determined that she needs someone with an above average penis. At this point she just needs to just let this guy go and find someone else less superficial who will allow him to demonstrate all that he has to offer before writing him off. Sizest can then continue her search for an eight inch pianist.