Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Husband’s Ex-Mistress?

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Lately I’ve had two dreams back to back about my husband’s ex-mistress, the first one was she was talking to me outside of my car. Although I don’t like her, we never had an argument or anything, but she knew my husband was married when she started dating him. In my dream we chatted and when I got in my car, she proceeded to get in on the passenger side. So I start driving down the road and I look over at her and notice she’s about eight months pregnant. She didn’t say she was… it was like my mind told me, although she’s not pregnant, as far as I know. I was mad when I woke up.

My next dream I had about her was she was standing in her back door, and she was fixing herself and trying to look all pretty. She knew my husband was coming to visit his son — and yes, she had a baby by my husband a few years ago. It was like I was watching everything on a TV or something, so my husband starts playing with his son and I can see in my dreams that he wants to be a part of his life. Well, it was like I appeared in the dream, and I started playing with him, and out of the blue I said “get out of my face” and I looked over at my husband and he seemed to be hurt by my actions. I hate these dreams, I really do! But his actions have caused me and our children unbelievable pain as well.

Lauri:  Our dreams will be brutally honest with us about our difficult issues (because we don’t tend to be honest with ourselves when we’re awake). So let’s dissect these dreams of yours and see if we can find the hard truth.

In the first dream your car represents your desire and ability to move on from the painful reality of your husband’s affair. But when you get in the car to leave, there she is in the passenger seat. That is the hard truth that she is going to be an ever present passenger on your life’s journey because they had a son together. You then notice she’s pregnant. Ug.h I hate to say this, but that seems to be an indication that this painful reality is not going away but that it is growing (like a pregnancy) and will likely beget even more issues or pain for you.

In the next dream she is standing in the back door because she is always in the back of your mind. She’s trying to fix herself up and look pretty because YOU do this; you probably try to dress it up in your mind so it won’t hurt so much. It’s like you are watching this on TV because you wish to remove yourself from the reality, you don’t want to be a participant.

In the dream your husband is playing with his son and acts like he wants to be a part of his life. In actual life does your husband have a relationship with the boy? If not, has he been “toying” with the idea of getting to know him? If so, that’s why he’s playing with him in the dream. You then begin to play with the boy because there must be a part of you that would like to accept this boy… he is totally innocent, after all. But you tell him to get out of your face because you do not want to “face” that this may be what happens, that this boy — the product of your husband’s affair — may be in your life on some level. And I don’t blame you. You should not have been put in this situation.

Your dreams are bringing very hard truths to the surface here because they need to be dealt with. I hope you are seeing a family and marriage counselor because this is not something you should even attempt to try to deal with on your own. Your children will especially need professional guidance because if they don’t yet know, they will know at some point that there is a sibling out there. A counselor can help you navigate this situation. When you can better navigate it, it will become a bit easier to handle and when it becomes a bit easier, your dreams will become easier as well. Good luck to you. I truly hope you are able to find some peace of mind. Keep us posted.

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams each morning, check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert. You can see all of Lauri’s books here. And hey, if you want your very own pin-up painting of you or your luvva (either vintage or modern), Lauri can do that, too! 


  1. I dreamed that me and my husband was going spend the night at his ex-girl friend house. And we don’t like each other.

  2. hummm yesterday i dream about my husband ex girlfriend and we were fighting tremendously
    at an unknown place but in this fight i won fortunately and there were no one around us.
    but something is bothering me is that i always keeps on remembering her even in exams and i can’t concentrate enough

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