Women Have Casual Sex for…Pleasure?

photo by e.esders

It may not be news to any of you ladies out there who’ve enjoyed the thrill of a no-strings-attached hook-up, but for those who buy into the evo-psych pop notion that women are only interested in high-status resource providers rather than hotties (i.e. the opposite of men’s supposed eternal motivations) there’s a study published in this month’s Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that’s about to rock your world: it suggests that women are as likely as men to accept offers of casual sex, so long as they believe they’ll get some satisfaction out of the encounter (which, if we’re being honest, doesn’t happen as often as we ladies would like). Salon interviewed the researcher, The University of Michigan’s Terri Conley, about her findings

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  1. Oh, yeah, also there’s the danger factor. Any guy could pretend to be a decent safe guy for a few hours, but it could turn out differently when you go to his home. I decided it wasn’t worth risking my safety and the psychological bullshit just to get laid.

  2. I stopped having one-night stands b/c they were very rarely satisfying. Most of the time, the guy could care less if you come or about any type of foreplay. Then there’s the awkward good-bye, b/c the guy doesn’t know what to say. They usually give you some b.s. line about I’ll call you but you know they won’t. And anyway, who cares if they call? If you’re picking him up in a bar, you’re not looking for a relationship. So they should just say, Thanks, I had fun and leave it at that. so I don’t do them anymore, I’ll just stay horny if I’m not in a relationship. It sucks though, a vibrator just isn’t the same.

  3. I already knew this! Guys who realize this 1) get laid way more than guys who don’t realize it or think otherwise, and 2)suffer from less insecurity and jealousy in relationships when they find out that their GF actually LIKED sex with other men before he came along.

  4. When Stephen Fry came out with his idiotic comment about how must not like casual sex as much as men b/c we don’t go cottaging on Hampstead Heath, I thought, wow, he doesn’t get what casual hook ups are like for women or understand anything about how female orgasms work.

    I’m married (and off the market), but were I single, I’m hot enough I could get laid by random men quite often. I wouldn’t though because:

    (1) COST in terms of (a) chance of negative outcomes and (b) impact of those negative outcomes if they occur are much, much higher for women:

    STD risks (risk of infection, consequences thereof) are more for the penetrated than the penetrator. Given the rates of HSV-2 and HPV…

    Risk of pregnancy falls entirely on the woman in casual/one-night flings.

    Risk of being beaten/raped/kidnapped/killed would skyrocket. I’m tough and can force a 300lb man into handcuffs, but I still could not take on a full-grown man in the proverbial dark alley.

    Risk of being coerced into doing something you might not have intended at the outset. Because you don’t have the same power in an anonymous situation where you may not even know the guy’s real name.

    Plus, we are still not equal in societal view of sexuality, so there is the risk of slut-shaming if people find out.

    Additional cost in time because all those hook-ups take time away from your life, and not just in terms of preventing you from spending time with men who might want a relationship.

    Ladies, what else am I leaving out in terms of risks? That’s just what I can think of on the spur of the moment.

    (2) Benefit: Probably mediocre fucking with no orgasm. Often quite worse. Almost never mind-blowing sex with multiple orgams.

    I quickly surveyed about 10 female friends (all-sex positive) and asked how many had ever had even one orgasm from a one night stand? Zero. From a casual FWB type of thing? 2 of 10. (Most were just suck/fuck/bye encounters after the pretense of hangoun time ). From a boyfriend/fiancee/husband? All but one had orgasms occasionally (she’s still young), but even with someone who cared about them most of them were enjoying the physical sensation of sex, but only orgasming in less than 10-25%% of their sexual encounters with their partners. These are women with partners who care about them and treat them with respect. And this is the best it is in terms of sexual satisfaction for women.

    Really, how many men would put up with it if they only had an orgasm with a committed partner and then only once in a while?

    Grant it, most women don’t come from fucking alone, but still. Guys in relationships can’t even be bothered with a reach-around?

    This is why women would THEORETICALLY be interested equally in casual hook ups, but don’t do it in reality: The chance of their being a negative consequence is pretty high and the impact of the negative consequence can be catastrophic… and the pay-off is low to non-existent.

    In other words, for women, we’d go at it like horny rabbits if we could, but we live in reality, so we know that the actual experience would suck.

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