Lelo’s French Maid ensemble

Last week, we were on Kiss FM in Toledo promoting 150 Shades of Play and fielding listeners’ questions. There were some good ones, so we wanted to share them here on EMandLO.com this week. Each day we’re featuring a quick question with some lightning advice from yours truly. Today’s question:

I don’t think I could be into role play, but I want to be…how do I start something like that with my boyfriend?

Three quick tips for ya!

1. Blindfold your partner. It’s way easier to get into character when you don’t have to think about how silly you look in that nurse’s outfit/dog collar. Or take it in turns wearing the blindfold while you’re roleplaying together. You’d be amazed how freeing it is.
2. Get in costume. You might be tempted to skip accessories, wigs, costumes, etc., and just try roleplaying in bed one night in your jammies. This might seem less intimidating and less forced or silly. And if that works for you, great! But you might also find that getting into costume together — even if it’s just picking out a wig or a mask or new lingerie for each other — really helps the roleplaying flow more naturally. Hey, even if you never utter a word once you’ve got that wig on, you’ll probably still act a little differently during the sex, and isn’t that the whole point?
3. Read erotica together in bed. This will give you ideas for characters and scenarios — and will help get you in that mindset a little more naturally than saying, “Nurse, does this look infected?” (though sometimes that can work, too). We also highly recommend (of course we do!) browsing our new book in bed together for saucy ideas and roleplaying inspiration: 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.

 MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• 5 Ways That Getting Kinky Can Improve Your Relationship
• Do Men Have Rape Fantasies, Too?
• Baby Talk: Intimacy Tool Or Just Plain Gross?

photo via Flickr

Last week, we were on Kiss FM in Toledo promoting 150 Shades of Play and fielding listeners’ questions. There were some good ones we wanted to share them here on EMandLO.com this week. So each day we’re featuring a quick question with some lightening advice from yours truly. Today’s question:

How do you keep things new and exciting and not get into a routine?

One of the best ways to keeps things exciting in the bedroom is to keep things exciting outside of the bedroom. Couples who continue to experience new and novel things together find they can keep that romantic connection stronger. Even better if those new activities are sometimes adreneline rushes, which can really bond a couple. You can even use going to the gym together as a form of foreplay: get the heart pounding, the blood flowing, the endorphins going so when you get home your ready to jump into the shower…together!

More from EMandLO.com:

• 5 Ways That Getting Kinky Can Improve Your Relationship
• Dear Em & Lo, Should I End This Relationship?
• Wise Guys: What’s the Best Relationship Advice You Ever Got?

photo via Flickr

Last week, we were on Kiss FM in Toledo promoting 150 Shades of Play and fielding listeners’ questions. There were some good ones we wanted to share them here on EMandLO.com this week. So each day we’re featuring a quick question with some lightening advice from yours truly. Today’s question:

I would like to feel sexier while pregnant…any ideas?

Have your baby and then send them off to kindergarten. By then you should be finally feeling sexier.

Seriously, some women feel great when they’re pregnant, and others feel awful. If you’re more in the latter category, you’ve just got to try to embrace the crazy miracle of it all: revel in having new curves, appreciate all the extra blood flow in your nether regions that can actually increase your libido during pregnancy, and feel the power and beauty of the amazing life-giving force within you!

And definitely do pregnancy appropriate exercises — that’s going to keep you feeling much better throughout the pregnancy, and the better you feel the more likely you are to keep wanting sex.

More from EMandLO.com:

• Dear Dr. Joe: Can Pre-Ejaculate Get a Woman Pregnant?
• Rosemary’s Baby Could Have Been Made in 2012
• Dear Dr. Kate: Can You Get Pregnant Without Intercourse?

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Help! I’ve been married to my husband 5 years (6 years dating) and our sex life …well, let’s just say I don’t think I can ever win. #1 we have sex once every 3 months…if I’m lucky. He’s always tired, headache, or any other number of reasons why he can’t. When we do have sex it’s in one position only, no foreplay, and once he’s “done”…he rolls over and goes to sleep.

Now, you have to understand that I want sex everyday all day, but it’s been so long we’ve struggled with this that I’m to the point I don’t look at him “like that” any more. I think if he came in right now naked, cock swinging…I could walk away….easily (because I know how it’s going to end).

I love my husband but I don’t know how to get things back on track anymore. I’ve talked to him about this so many times and he just says he’s going to “work on it.” He doesn’t want to talk about it or get any help. He says he loves me, but I feel it’s more like a “friendship” love more than anything else.

I also have to tell you when we were dating it was a long distance relationship, he is a Marine and was stationed in all kind of places. When we did see each other we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. I told him so many times about my sex appetite and he never had a problem with it….when we got married….immediatly I could see the difference in our appetites and he immediately stopped trying to “impress” in the bedroom.

We have 2 children (the first one we planned and for 1 month had tons of sex…as soon as I found out i was prego…it stopped). Our 2nd happened when I was drinking and basically jumped him….I found out I was prego and didn’t have sex for about 10 months. I’m so tired. He’s a great dad, provider and friend. But our lack of intimacy is killing this relationship and he doesn’t even acknowledge it. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

– Sexless in Seattle

What should S.I.S. do? Let her know in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• Do Men Want Less Sex as a Relationship Progresses?
• How Can a Woman Enjoy Lots of Sex Without Shame?
• Can a Relationship Work If One Person Is More Into It?

Lelo’s Etherea Silk Cuffs

Last week, we were on Kiss FM in Toledo promoting 150 Shades of Play and fielding listeners’ questions. There were some good ones we wanted to share them here on EMandLO.com this week. So each day we’re featuring a quick question with some lightening advice from yours truly. Today’s question:

How do I go about asking my husband to try something new…like toys, whips, bondage? Where should I go to buy them, a local store or online?

Start small — you don’t want to spring a whole drawer full of intimidating new toys like nipple clamps and whips on him. Go with something simple, like a cute little pair of fuzzy velcro cuffs. Put it in the positive: “I’d love it if we tried this” and bring it up in bed when make it part of the pillow talk — that’s a time he’ll probably be more amenable to new sexy ideas.

And include him in your exploration of products — if he’s shy or hesitant then a bricks & mortar store might be too much for him, so stick with a reputible place with high quality products and good information like GoodVibes.com, Babeland.com or Lelo.com.
GoodVibes is actually selling a nice little kit with our book, some cute cuffs, a beautiful blindfold, and a nice feather tickler — it’s a great way to ease into more daring things.

150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink  is on sale now!

photo via Flickr
Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Hi Em & Lo,

I’m with my husband thirteen years, only married for two. In all that time I’ve had maybe four orgasms. He can’t get me off, but he also told me before he doesn’t like me touching myself during sex (I think he takes it as a criticism), and wishes I could climax the “normal” way (which hurt a lot).

Once he’s had his orgasm, it’s over. And if I say “What about me?” he’ll say sorry and start to touch me, but by then I know his heart’s not in it, so when I say “Never mind,” he says okay and stops instantly. He’s never said, “No I want you to get yours!” I’ve told him many times over the years how frustrating it is, but nothing changes.

Now I cringe when he touches me. He’s realizing now its dangerous, and he’s started trying more, but it feels too late. I dont find him sexy, though he’s handsome. And now I’m attracted to a man who thinks I’m sex on legs (he’s wrong, but still!). I’d resigned myself to the sex because my husband is such a good man and our relationship has been really good apart from this, but now I think I could have a relationship with this other man that’s caring and passionate. What should I do?

– Mrs. S. Frustrated

Dear Mrs. S. Frustrated,

One short letter like yours isn’t really enough for us to tell you whether or not you should leave your husband, so instead we are just going to make a few points on the subject in the hope that they will help you make a conclusion about your marriage:

photo via Wiki Commons

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend watches porn and I am ok with it. However, my concern is that I am a very active sex partner and he is the who isn’t (not as often as I would like), so what would be his need for porn????

– Left Hanging

What should Left Hanging do? Let her know in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m having a moral crisis.  I met someone on craigslist a few months ago.  The nature of the relationship was that we both wanted a FWB situation.  The sex was fantastic!  I eventually got curious about this man, looked him up, and discovered he had a girlfriend.  I promptly ended our lusty relationship (my sister’s boyfriend cheated on her – she was devastated).  Now all I can think about is telling the girlfriend what a cheating d-bag her boyfriend is.  My rationale: I would want to know if it were me!  Should I do this?  Or stay out of it?

– The Messenger

What should The Messenger do? Let her know in the comments below. 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• Dear Em & Lo, Should I End This Relationship?
• Dreams: Every Night I Cheat on My Boyfriend with My Ex and Get Caught
• Poll: Have You Ever Cheated?

photo by Tjook
We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

How can I have a lively, engaging conversation with a guy I’ve just met in a social setting (ex: house party, bar, laundromat) without an undercurrent of sex creeping in?

It’s not that I have anything against sex (or party/bar/laundromat hookups). Far from it. I’m an attractive girl in my mid-twenties, and I’ve had my share of sexual adventures (& misadventures). I’m a-okay with flirting, but I feel like it sometimes inhibits the opportunity to get to know these fellows — who seem like decent, interesting, thoughtful people — on a more sincere level.

Honestly, guys get monotonous when they think they’ve caught a whiff of the pussy train. There’s a script to flirting, & it can be a fun one to enact sometimes, but not always. For one, I don’t want to bone every guy I’ve had a 5+ minute conversation with in the room. For another, I often just want to go home alone & watch Top Chef & maybe dwell on all the fascinating things I learned from that great conversation I had at the party.

What can I do to direct the conversation to less-flirt more-substance, but still keep it fun & interesting?

– Platonic Ideal

What should P.I. do? Let her know in the comments below.

Related Articles on EMandLO.com:

• How to Pull Off a Cheesy Pickup Line
• How to Reject Someone Nicely
• What Makes Someone Approachable?

photo via Wiki Commons
Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

Last night my boyfriend went out with a bunch of his friends, including his ex. Their friend group is known to engage in apparently meaningless sexual activities with one another other on nights out. At around 2 in the morning he came to my apartment completely wasted, with a rather large semen stain on his boxers. Does this necessarily mean he had been doing something or had been given a hand job, or can these just appear?

– C.S.I. Date Night

Dear C.S.I. Date Night,

Um. Wow. That phrase “If it walks like a duck” comes to mind. Sure, a semen stain in a vacuum could have an innocent explanation — maybe your boyfriend fell asleep in the cab ride home and had a wet dream? Maybe he got really turned on during a round of beer pong? But this semen stain isn’t exactly in a vacuum, is it? There’s the ex, there’s the casual sex friend group, there’s the two in the morning — and most importantly, there’s the wasted boyfriend hanging out with an ex and a casual sex friend group at two in the morning.

But still, we’d hate to leap to conclusions. After all, sometimes a semen stain is just a semen stain. And some guys probably do explode at the brush of an elbow or an accidental glimpse of cleavage on public transportation. But here’s something we do know: It’s perfectly within your rights as this dude’s girlfriend to say, “Hey Monica Lewinksy, what’s up with the semen stain?” Whether or not you believe his answer is entirely up to you.

Crime scene investigators,

Em & Lo

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• Confession: I Gave a Cheater a Second Chance
• What’s So Wrong with Cheating on My Husband?
• How Many Em & Lo Readers Are Cheaters?