Dear Em & Lo,
I think my G-spot is further out than a lot of women. It feels like it’s right inside the vaginal opening. Is that possible? Please help: I’ve only had 4 G-spot orgasms in my life.
Anything is possible when it comes to bodies. Everyone’s is different. If you like that place touched right inside your vaginal opening, well then go ahead and touch it (or have someone else touch it).
But let’s not get too obsessed with different “types” of orgasms. Your letter reminded us of that line from Woody Allen’s Manhattan, spoken by a woman at a cocktail party: “I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor said it was the wrong kind.” You can thank Freud for deeming the popular clitoral orgasm immature and the vaginal (or G-spot) orgasm vastly superior — because it presumedly required the almighty penis.
But this is the 21st century (thankfully): there’s no right or wrong way to have an orgasm. There’s only you and what works for you. Plenty of women have trouble reaching orgasm at all, so be proud of your four G-spot orgasms. If you’ve had other “types” of orgasms — say, through external clitoral stimulation — fantastic! Keep having those. They’re just as valuable. And they may be easier to come by for you, since many women require external clitoral contact to even get close to an orgasm.
If you haven’t had any other “type” of orgasm, then by all means focus on what’s worked for you: G-spot stimulation. Have your partner use a come-hither gesture on the area that feels best for you, no matter where it is within your vaginal canal. And try out a G-spotting vibrator.
But it’s always a good idea to keep an open mind, to try new things in bed, to experience new sensations… Just because everyone knows about the G-spot, not everyone loves having it touched — some women find it downright painful to have it paid attention to. Others prefer their PS-spot or their A-spot pushed. Who knows, you might find that a certain fantasy combined with the right nipple stimulation alone could get you to your happy place! However you get there, don’t let anyone — including yourself — make you feel bad about how you feel pleasure. If there’s one tried and true way you like to climax, by all means own it and enjoy it, without shame or worry.
As the character in Manahattan said to that woman, “You had the wrong kind? I’ve never had the wrong kind, ever. My worst one was right on the money.”