Dear Dr. Kate: My G-Spot Is Not an Ecstasy Button

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here once a week. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dr. Kate,

I have this great new boyfriend and we have fantastic sex — often including orgasm, sometimes rough and with lots of oral, all of which includes some heavy use of the G-spot (none of which I’ve done much of before). I am enjoying it and so is he, but I’ve been having a problem with feeling like something isn’t quite right “down there” after our sessions. It basically feels like I have to go to the bathroom all day (but I don’t need to actually go — it just feels that way) and is a general discomfort/feeling like I have some sort of problem with that area. It doesn’t burn when I urinate and it doesn’t seem to be a yeast infection. Could this discomfort be from over-stimulation of the G-spot? Is it a normal reaction or should I worry that this could be a signal for something else?


Dear G-Gal,

Discomfort isn’t normal, especially when it lasts for hours after sex. The first thing to do is to rule out a bladder infection — not all UTIs have burning with urination, and they can present just like your other symptoms. Plus, it’s more common to develop a UTI when you’re having lots of sex. (Your gyno can also test you for STDs from your urine sample, just to rule that out.)

If your doc tells you that your urine is clear, your discomfort may be from vaginal chafing (ouch). Any part of your vagina — including the upper wall where the G-spot is targeted — can become sore from too much friction. Perhaps your marathon sex sessions are leaving you a bit dry, or there’s a bit too much attention paid to such a small area. Try adding lubricant to reduce any, shall we say, rug burn.

Or perhaps you’re just one of those people for whom G-spot attention doesn’t feel so good. He is, after all, pressing pretty hard in the direction of your urinary tract (which is just beyond the upper wall of the vagina). Try focusing on other spots that feel really good to you, like your clitoris or labia or lower wall of the vagina (known as the PS-spot to some), and give your G-spot a break to see if the discomfort abates. Such an attentive, giving boyfriend is sure to experiment with you to keep the sex fantastic — as well as pain-free.


Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.


  1. ^ Female sexual satisfaction doesn’t depend on orgasm, huh? My girl would strenuously disagree. Drives her nuts if she doesn’t get off.

    Either way, MY sexual satisfaction depends on female orgasm.

  2. Female sexuality is a myth, it’s mostly mental. Evolutionary sense female orgasm is not necessary, other mammalian species females do not have orgasms. 43% females never achieve orgasms, 75% females do not achieve orgasm during coitus. 77% moaners say that they do it to validate their partners. Female satisfaction is not dependent on orgasm. Even female doctors do not understand female sexuality. For males erection, orgasm and ejaculation are necessary but for females that is not true, female sexuality is hard to understand for men.

  3. ALL WOMEN experience pleasure in their own unique ways. If you don’t know what YOU like, how the hell is your partner supposed to know? Also, some women are more sensitive in certain places than others. NOT ALL WOMEN can reach orgasm by g-spot alone. In fact, it might even be uncomfortable. The G-spot is very sensitive tissue and if you can’t get off with it, you’ll just end up hurting yourself! Sheesh, think people.

    If you are a healthy individual feeling discomfort doing something during sex STOP DOING IT! Focus on other areas that will get you off and stop thinking about how you’re “supposed” to get off.

    Also, internet is a bad place to look for advice in a lot of circumstances. Be wary of men disguised under a woman’s name trying to give sex advice. I’ve seen so much BAD advice from mary janes all over the internet! Just a cautious remark!

  4. Hi, I am newly married girl. I am very concern about my sex life. I had a pain everytime when the penis contract with inner side of my vagina, I think people called it as G-spot. only way to get the feeling or orgasm is by rubbing or using his fingers on my cclitoris. is that how other women get orgasm? pls help me in this to get lil solution. or am i trying so hard?

  5. I’m 40+ years old, married 15 years, and I don’t think I’ve EVER had a g-spot orgasm. I’ve tried: “letting go”, relaxing…all I’ve felt is the sensation that I have to pee and more recently, pain – to the point that I started crying and having to say “STOP”!

    I’ve had my OB-GYN look into my vagina, and there isn’t anything wrong.

    Recently, while stimulating my g-spot not only did I have to cry stop, the the pain after was TERRIBLE!! Waves of cramping for the next few hours that had me on the brink of tears. (BTW – I can suck up alot of pain, so being weenie is not an issue).

    Does working through the pain work? I’m feeling like there is something wrong with me.


  6. Holey smokes! After reading much of this blog, I decided that you need to know about Thanks for Coming, One Young Woman’s Quest for an Orgasm, written by Mara Altman. It’s a book you’ve gotta read. It is a funny and honest story of her experiences while seeking an orgasm. It’s a great gift! I’m the proud aunt of the author.:). You can get it here.

  7. I enjoy clitoral and g-spot orgasms and have ejaculated on occasion. Lately though when my husband even starts touching my g-spot, it starts to burn and then increases as he continues. It only lasts while he is doing it and shortly after. Could it just be vaginal friction? There seems to a period in the middle of my menstrual cycle when I’m not as prone to it. We generally use lube if there gets to be too much friction. We are intimate just about every day and have been married 10 months. This problem started about a month ago. Any ideas? Thanks

  8. OMG. I think you should exmpirament more with yourself in this area. I have been doing it for years now, and I find it exillerating. I orgasmn so drastically that I tire my own self out! Ladiez, learn what pleases YOU before expecting a man to take on the job solely.

    Did I mention how great it is???? 🙂

  9. sounds like you need to squirt to me. Go to femaleejaculation101.com and it will answer all questions you may have about the act. Stimulating the g spot and clit causes an intense feeling of needing to urinate but we naturally hold that feeling back cause we think its a need to urinate. But if instead you relax and go with it you will squirt and the I have to pee feeling won’t stay with you all day. If you stimulate that and hold back you won’t be able to just pee it out later. Just as a man wouldn’t be able to urinate out his cum neither can a woman. I wouldn’t say this unless it were true cause I to had this same problem before learning about female ejaculation. It has changed my sex life drastically.

  10. i am married my sex life is gud till yesterday..yesterday i have pain after sex n it remain till.tt pains lot in my ass ,stomach n even g-spot.n its pain much at the time of sex, n couldnt do sex.. pls help me, is there any thing wrong..

  11. I have that problem when I go running too soon after sex, it forever feels like i have to pee! That is that last thing you want to feel when your running or doing anything. I soon learned to sooth my UTI fears by drinking lots of cranberry juice and call sexy time my work out time!

  12. I’ve got to totally disagree on this one. She needs to let herself ejaculate already! It’s hard to let yourself go because the sensation prior to female ejaculation is a lot like the “I have to pee” sensation, but if you went before sex then it’s certainly not pee! Situate yourself on a towel next time and “let go” when your body tells you to! Your partner is clearly into female ejaculation if he’s so good with your g-spot.

    I’ve had this same problem before and it can be hard to let go when you’ve been trained to fight that “I’ve got to pee” sensation all your life, but it is totally worth it (and will keep you from feeling like you’ve got to pee all day long). Read Deborah Sundahl’s “Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot” or Violet Blue’s “The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot” for more info. You should stimulate your g-spot all you want, just don’t keep denying it release.

  13. This helps me out a lot. I was feeling sort of the same thing and never considered vaginal friction…Thanks!

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