Horoscopes
Fortune Cookie Horoscopes: July 27th, 2015

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) Absence makes the heart grow fonder but procrastination just pisses it off. taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th) […]

Your Weekly Horoscopes: July 20th, 2015

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) You’ve got a secret horoscope this week, aries. In order to decode this very important message, you’ve got to crack the code. Hint: take one step back and two steps forward. taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th) Love and money will go hand in hand this week. Of course, you should never rule […]

One-Word Horoscopes: July 13th, 2015

If brevity is the soul of wit, maybe it’s the heart of all decent horoscopes. Learn your word, love your word, live your word this week. Read between the letters. Use it in a sentence. aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) Bond. taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th) Hesitate. gemini (May 21st-June 21st) Confess. cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd) Discriminate […]

Your Weekly Horoscopes: July 6th, 2015

  aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) Don’t dip your pen in the company inkwell (or vice versa). taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th) Things you should take a chance on: wearing a bathingsuit in public; eating vegan for a week (it won’t turn you hippie, we promise); telling potential partners that you used to be a folk singer […]

Your 4th of July Weekend Horoscopes

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) It’s time to sign your own Declaration of Independence: You are better off being friends with everyone for now until you […]

Your Weekly Horoscopes: June 29th, 2015

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) If you’re not with someone who’s got their head in the game (or at least between your thighs), start thinking about trading players. taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th) It’s probably best to avoid slipping some Spanish Fly into your partner’s cocktail, attempting stealth hypnosis, or tying them to your bedpost in the […]

Your Horoscopes in Song Lyrics: June 22nd, 2015

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) Today, it’s “Your Stars in Song Lyrics”! Bonus points if you can find a karaoke bar this week to belt out your own personal lyrics. aries […]

Your Weekly Horoscopes: June 15th, 2015

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) The time to take action is now, but don’t do it with force — use your head. Your ability to be […]

Your Weekly Horoscopes: June 8th, 2015

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) You’ve got more pep than a Mountain Dew commercial, and this week, everyone’s going to want to do the Dew. If […]

Your Weekly Horoscopes: Fortune Cookie Week (June 1st)

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) This week, we get our inspiration from the best place to get life advice (besides here): fortune cookies. aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) Socializing will […]