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Happy Veterans Day!

November 11, 2013


photo via Wikipedia: Petty Officer 2nd Class Marissa Gaeta of the USS Oak Hill (LSD-51) shares the traditional “first kiss” with her fiancée, Petty Officer 3rd Class Citlalic Snell

We’re taking the day off — your regularly scheduled dose of love, sex, and everything in between will return tomorrow.

In the meantime, take a moment to honor all of the brave men and women who serve this country — and especially, this year, all the gay men and women who serve this country.

Our friend Nathaniel Frank is the author of the book Unfriendly Fire: How the Gay Ban Undermines the Military and Weakens America, and was an expert witness in two Constitutional challenges to “don’t ask, don’t tell,” whose success helped end the policy. You can read more about his book here, and also read an open letter he wrote to the parents of his (gay) best friend.

See you back here tomorrow!

New Spray Helps Men Go Longer (Without Numbing Her)

November 5, 2013


photo via flickr

Until now, any product on the market that was designed to help a man go longer in bed had the highly unfortunate side effect of numbing his female partner in the process. Who really wants sex to last longer if you can’t feel anything? Enter Promescent, a brand new FDA-approved over-the-counter spray for treating premature ejaculation — or for any guy who wants to last a little longer in bed (the company is hoping for significant recreational use sales). It absorbs so quickly that there is no numbing effect at all for the woman.

Premature ejaculation affects one in three men at some point in their lives – and one study estimated that more than 50,000 men are currently taking anti-depressents to last three to five minutes longer in bed. The buzz is already beginning for this product, and we imagine it’s only a matter of time before we are treated to hilarious, euphemistic television spots featuring gauzy curtains and smiling couples embracing each other post-coitally.

Bring it on, we say! We’d love to see “premature ejaculation” become something that newscasters are forced to discuss on a regular basis — check out this hilarious clip of a CNBC anchor discussing Promescent. She says that Promescent is, “Not for men who can’t get the party started — [deep, brave breath, steeling herself] — but for men who end the party too soon.” Though “erectile dysfunction” pretty much rolls off her tongue at the start of the segment, she interrupts herself midway through talking about P.E.: “Premature… You know, I can’t even say it, they call it P.E.” Say it, lady!

We asked Jeff Abraham, the CEO of Promescent — which is a small start-up that probably  won’t be a small start-up for much longer – a few questions about this new product:  Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Federal Holiday!

October 14, 2013


In honor of Columbus Day, we’re taking the day off and reading Eduardo Galeano’s Memory of Fire. Tune in tomorrow for new horoscopes and other fun stuff.

8 Short Poems Hot Enough to Sext Tonight

September 26, 2013


photo via flickr

U.K.’s Education Secretary Michael Gove got teased mercilessly all over the Internets for his recent suggestion that teenagers should text amorous poetry to each other instead of nude pics. There’s an even an app for it! The Love Book app lets teens record poetry and then text the recording to the object of their desire. “It [the app] will allow children to make sense of their own feelings in a way that is more graceful, expressive and beautiful [than sexting],” Gove said. ”Technology does not have to mean that expression becomes clumsier.”

Fun as it would be to jump on the mockery bandwagon, we’re going to take his suggestion and run with it. Because you, dear EMandLO.com readers, are not sixteen-year-old horn dogs. You understand that there is a time for raunchy photos, and there’s also a time for even raunchier words. So here are eight scorching poems (or excerpts from poems) that you might want to sext to your hot cross bunny tonight…


These are the lips, powerful rudders
pushing through groves of kelp,
the girl’s terrible, unsweetened taste
of the whole ocean, its fathoms: this is that taste

– Adrienne Rich, from “That Mouth”


Lady, i will touch you with my mind.
Touch you and touch and touch
until you give
me suddenly a smile, shyly obscene
(lady i will
touch you with my mind.) Touch
you, that is all,
lightly and you utterly will become
with infinite care
the poem which i do not write

– e.e. cummings, “lady i will touch you”


Love-looks, love-perturbations and risings,

Poise on the hips, leaping, reclining, embracing, arm-curving and tightening,

The skin, the sunburnt shade, freckles, hair,
The curious sympathy one feels when feeling with the hand the naked meat of the body,
The circling rivers the breath, and breathing it in and out,
The beauty of the waist, and thence of the hips, and thence downward toward the knees,
The thin red jellies within you or within me, the bones and the marrow in the bones,

O I say now these are the soul!

– Walt Whitman, from “I Sing the Body Electric”


They do not snatch, they do not tear;
their massive blood
moves as the moon-tides, near, more near
till they touch in flood.

– D.H. Lawrence, from “The Elephant Is Slow to Mate”


please master drive me thy vehicle, body of love drops, sweat fuck
body of tenderness, Give me your dog
fuck faster
please master make me go moan on the table
Go moan O please master do fuck me like that
in your rhythm thrill-plunge & pull-back-bounce & push down

– Allen Ginsberg, from “Please Master”


Did you miss me?
Come and kiss me.
Never mind my bruises,
Hug me, kiss me, suck my juices
Squeez’d from goblin fruits for you,
Goblin pulp and goblin dew.
Eat me, drink me, love me.

– Christina Rossetti, from “The Goblin Market”


Now let us sport us while we may,
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapt power.
Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball,
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Through the iron gates of life.

– Andrew Marvel, from “To His Coy Mistress”


Roses are nice,
Violets are fine,
I’ll be the six,
If you be the nine.

– Various, from “The Internet”


What Is the C-Spot?

September 24, 2013


This is the final part of our series on Top Body “Spots” that any self-respecting, shall we say, “anatomy enthusiast” should be familiar with. Even if this is old news to you, it’s always a good idea to brush up

The C-Spot

a.k.a. The Clitoris, a.k.a. the female penis

Yes, some people actually call the clitoris the C-spot, but if you ask us, that seems to be pushing it (no pun intended). There’s no shame in that word — own it!

Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is more than just that little nubbin you see or feel protruding near the top of the labia – that’s just the tip of the iceberg. No, the clitoris is actually a complex organ of nerve-rich erectile tissue (just like the penis) extending throughout the genital area. We’re talking four inches long (one inch shy of the average penis, but proportional to her body size) in the shape of a wishbone. During arousal, this tissue becomes engorged and erect, just like the penis – it’s just more difficult to notice in women because most of the erection occurs internally. Another difference in erections: a woman’s has a much better chance of lasting long after orgasm, hence her ability to achieve subsequent orgasms more easily than a man.

Below are the various parts of the clitoris — study up because there will be a quiz!

clitoral head, tip, or glans: The little “handle” of the wishbone which protrudes externally at the junction where the top of the labia connect – what most people usually think of when they think “clitoris”. Some clitoral heads extend out like an erect nipple, while shyer ones hide under the hood. (The more aroused she becomes, the more retracted the clitoral head may become as the ligament supporting it tightens with sexual tension.) One of the best ways to arouse the entire clitoris is to provide stimulation to this head/tip, not only because it’s external, but because it has more nerve endings than any other part of the body, male or female. (See clittage, p TK.)

clitoral hood: The female equivalent of foreskin: the clitoral shaft runs under it and the clitoral head sticks out of it. The hood is created by the junction of the outer edges of the inner lips meeting above the clitoral head.

clitoral shaft: You can often feel the short (i.e. less than an inch long) shaft of the clitoris underneath the hood as it burrows into the genitalia, first in the direction of the pubic mound, before it turns sharply back downward and splits into two long wishbone legs.

clitoral legs: The two slim prongs of the clitoral wishbone which run underneath the labia and flank either side of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. Like the clitoral head and shaft, the legs are made of erectile tissue which stiffens during arousal.

clitoral bulbs: In addition to the wishbone, there are two eggplant-shaped bulbs that run along the inside of the clitoral legs, beneath the inner labia and around the sides of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. This erectile tissue also becomes engorged during arousal, puffing up even more than the legs, and causing the inner labia to balloon.

Further Reading on the Clitoris from EMandLO.com:

Sex After Miscarriage & Stillbirth

September 19, 2013


Reconceiving Loss is a new online resource for people coping with losing a pregnancy or an infant. There are articles on health and wellbeing, yoga and meditation suggestions, and opportunities for healing through creative expression (e.g. writing, photography, even playlist compilation). One of their contributors, clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Bindeman, recently wrote about sex after loss for the site, which we’re reposting here with permission. Be sure to check out Reconceiving Loss and recommend it to any friends who may be in need. Miscarriage and stillbirth happen more than most realize — addressing this reality openly is good step forward.


Re-conceiving Intimacy

by Dr. Julie Bindeman, Psy-D


Among the many losses couples face when they lose a pregnancy or an infant is the feeling of being sexually safe. Prior to a loss, sex and expressions of love occurred naturally and spontaneously.  Intimacy is no exception to a “before” and “after” designation as so many other things become post loss.

Primary to sex and intimacy being such a loaded arena is that this particular act is directly causal in bearing children.  Even the nursery rhyme specifies the order: “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.”  For some, having sex after a loss is petrifying as it might create a pregnancy, which might end up in another loss.  In a lot of instances, a woman’s body might not feel comfortable to share due to surgery, childbirth, or her self-perception of what her body looks like. Many baby-loss moms feel as if their bodies have betrayed them by not being able to hold onto the pregnancy, thus they punish themselves by not seeking out anything that might feel good to that body.

Grief is a winding road, so for some, sex feels too normal, and not “right” for a grieving couple to engage in.  Ironically, for others, sex is the language that the couple is able to speak to one another, especially if talking about the loss is too painful. The gulf that can be expanded for a grieving couple can seem unbridgeable and exponential, so the very concept of sexual relations again can appear to be almost foreign.

How do couples bridge that gap? How do they enjoy one another again?  The answer, to most things in grief, is slowly and with time. How much time depends on the individuals in a couple as there is no set amount.  For many women, sex and arousal is not a switch that can be turned on and off.  Rather, it has to be nurtured. This can be done by starting slow. Talking. Dating. Recommitting to one another as a couple. Build intimacy from there.  Hormones can play a part in emotions in addition to the grief feelings, so if both decide to try for lovemaking, use lubricant, go slow (again), and communicate.

Eventually, sex for enjoyment might shift to sex for baby making. The idea of “trying again” is also scary as it can feel as if you stop caring about the baby that you lost, or that you are “over it”. Know that you are not forgetting your baby if you enjoy yourself. You are not forgetting your baby by trying to expand your family.  Many families wonder when they should start to try again. A basic rule of thumb is that when the fear of loss is outweighed by desire to have a child.


Reconceiving Loss is a resource center for coping with pregnancy and infant loss. 


Happy Labor Day!

September 1, 2013


photo via Flickr

Writing about sex and relationships is hard work: all the Eyes Wide Shut balls we’re required to attend, all the whips and chains we need to inspect, all the pillow fights we have to have in our lingerie. It’s exhausting! So we’re taking Monday off (and hope you are too!). We’ll be back on Tuesday refreshed and ready to take on all your pressing romantic inquiries.


People Really Do Win on EMandLO.com!

July 10, 2013


We recently got a nice thank you note from the winner of our  GÄSM contest:

Today I got the gift in the post (at last), it actually was delayed in customs here but it arrived, cannot believe it, so so happy and cannot wait to try out. Amazing guys, thank you very much, never won anything before!

People really do win on EMandLO.com! To help make believers of you, we’re extending our love story contest about sexual fireworks for another week — tell us your summer lovin’ story in 700 words or less and you could win a copy of our “150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.” You’ve got until next Monday, July 14th. If you enter now — and don’t skeeve us out with any gory details — you have a HUGE chance of winning. Seriously, tell us your story right now, don’t be gross, and you most likely will win!


Em & Lo


Happy Independence Weekend!

July 4, 2013


We’re off for the long holiday weekend (and hope you are too!). We’ll be back with our regularly scheduled regimen of sex, love and everything in between on Monday, July 8th. Until then, go make some fireworks (our Wise Guys have some ideas if you’re short on inspiration). Happy Fourth!

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Infographic: Fascinating Stats on Love & Marriage in Modern Times

June 18, 2013


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