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Happy Federal Holiday!

October 14, 2013

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In honor of Columbus Day, we’re taking the day off and reading Eduardo Galeano’s Memory of Fire. Tune in tomorrow for new horoscopes and other fun stuff.



8 Short Poems Hot Enough to Sext Tonight

September 26, 2013

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photo via flickr

U.K.’s Education Secretary Michael Gove got teased mercilessly all over the Internets for his recent suggestion that teenagers should text amorous poetry to each other instead of nude pics. There’s an even an app for it! The Love Book app lets teens record poetry and then text the recording to the object of their desire. “It [the app] will allow children to make sense of their own feelings in a way that is more graceful, expressive and beautiful [than sexting],” Gove said. ”Technology does not have to mean that expression becomes clumsier.”

Fun as it would be to jump on the mockery bandwagon, we’re going to take his suggestion and run with it. Because you, dear EMandLO.com readers, are not sixteen-year-old horn dogs. You understand that there is a time for raunchy photos, and there’s also a time for even raunchier words. So here are eight scorching poems (or excerpts from poems) that you might want to sext to your hot cross bunny tonight…

1.

These are the lips, powerful rudders
pushing through groves of kelp,
the girl’s terrible, unsweetened taste
of the whole ocean, its fathoms: this is that taste

– Adrienne Rich, from “That Mouth”

2.

Lady, i will touch you with my mind.
Touch you and touch and touch
until you give
me suddenly a smile, shyly obscene
(lady i will
touch you with my mind.) Touch
you, that is all,
lightly and you utterly will become
with infinite care
the poem which i do not write

– e.e. cummings, “lady i will touch you”

3.

Love-looks, love-perturbations and risings,

Poise on the hips, leaping, reclining, embracing, arm-curving and tightening,

The skin, the sunburnt shade, freckles, hair,
The curious sympathy one feels when feeling with the hand the naked meat of the body,
The circling rivers the breath, and breathing it in and out,
The beauty of the waist, and thence of the hips, and thence downward toward the knees,
The thin red jellies within you or within me, the bones and the marrow in the bones,

O I say now these are the soul!

– Walt Whitman, from “I Sing the Body Electric”

4.

They do not snatch, they do not tear;
their massive blood
moves as the moon-tides, near, more near
till they touch in flood.

– D.H. Lawrence, from “The Elephant Is Slow to Mate”

5.

please master drive me thy vehicle, body of love drops, sweat fuck
body of tenderness, Give me your dog
fuck faster
please master make me go moan on the table
Go moan O please master do fuck me like that
in your rhythm thrill-plunge & pull-back-bounce & push down

– Allen Ginsberg, from “Please Master”

6.

Did you miss me?
Come and kiss me.
Never mind my bruises,
Hug me, kiss me, suck my juices
Squeez’d from goblin fruits for you,
Goblin pulp and goblin dew.
Eat me, drink me, love me.

– Christina Rossetti, from “The Goblin Market”

7.

Now let us sport us while we may,
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapt power.
Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball,
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Through the iron gates of life.

– Andrew Marvel, from “To His Coy Mistress”

8.

Roses are nice,
Violets are fine,
I’ll be the six,
If you be the nine.

– Various, from “The Internet”

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What Is the C-Spot?

September 24, 2013

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This is the final part of our series on Top Body “Spots” that any self-respecting, shall we say, “anatomy enthusiast” should be familiar with. Even if this is old news to you, it’s always a good idea to brush up

The C-Spot

a.k.a. The Clitoris, a.k.a. the female penis

Yes, some people actually call the clitoris the C-spot, but if you ask us, that seems to be pushing it (no pun intended). There’s no shame in that word — own it!

Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is more than just that little nubbin you see or feel protruding near the top of the labia – that’s just the tip of the iceberg. No, the clitoris is actually a complex organ of nerve-rich erectile tissue (just like the penis) extending throughout the genital area. We’re talking four inches long (one inch shy of the average penis, but proportional to her body size) in the shape of a wishbone. During arousal, this tissue becomes engorged and erect, just like the penis – it’s just more difficult to notice in women because most of the erection occurs internally. Another difference in erections: a woman’s has a much better chance of lasting long after orgasm, hence her ability to achieve subsequent orgasms more easily than a man.

Below are the various parts of the clitoris — study up because there will be a quiz!

clitoral head, tip, or glans: The little “handle” of the wishbone which protrudes externally at the junction where the top of the labia connect – what most people usually think of when they think “clitoris”. Some clitoral heads extend out like an erect nipple, while shyer ones hide under the hood. (The more aroused she becomes, the more retracted the clitoral head may become as the ligament supporting it tightens with sexual tension.) One of the best ways to arouse the entire clitoris is to provide stimulation to this head/tip, not only because it’s external, but because it has more nerve endings than any other part of the body, male or female. (See clittage, p TK.)

clitoral hood: The female equivalent of foreskin: the clitoral shaft runs under it and the clitoral head sticks out of it. The hood is created by the junction of the outer edges of the inner lips meeting above the clitoral head.

clitoral shaft: You can often feel the short (i.e. less than an inch long) shaft of the clitoris underneath the hood as it burrows into the genitalia, first in the direction of the pubic mound, before it turns sharply back downward and splits into two long wishbone legs.

clitoral legs: The two slim prongs of the clitoral wishbone which run underneath the labia and flank either side of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. Like the clitoral head and shaft, the legs are made of erectile tissue which stiffens during arousal.

clitoral bulbs: In addition to the wishbone, there are two eggplant-shaped bulbs that run along the inside of the clitoral legs, beneath the inner labia and around the sides of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. This erectile tissue also becomes engorged during arousal, puffing up even more than the legs, and causing the inner labia to balloon.

Further Reading on the Clitoris from EMandLO.com:



Sex After Miscarriage & Stillbirth

September 19, 2013

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Reconceiving Loss is a new online resource for people coping with losing a pregnancy or an infant. There are articles on health and wellbeing, yoga and meditation suggestions, and opportunities for healing through creative expression (e.g. writing, photography, even playlist compilation). One of their contributors, clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Bindeman, recently wrote about sex after loss for the site, which we’re reposting here with permission. Be sure to check out Reconceiving Loss and recommend it to any friends who may be in need. Miscarriage and stillbirth happen more than most realize — addressing this reality openly is good step forward.

 

Re-conceiving Intimacy

by Dr. Julie Bindeman, Psy-D

 

Among the many losses couples face when they lose a pregnancy or an infant is the feeling of being sexually safe. Prior to a loss, sex and expressions of love occurred naturally and spontaneously.  Intimacy is no exception to a “before” and “after” designation as so many other things become post loss.

Primary to sex and intimacy being such a loaded arena is that this particular act is directly causal in bearing children.  Even the nursery rhyme specifies the order: “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.”  For some, having sex after a loss is petrifying as it might create a pregnancy, which might end up in another loss.  In a lot of instances, a woman’s body might not feel comfortable to share due to surgery, childbirth, or her self-perception of what her body looks like. Many baby-loss moms feel as if their bodies have betrayed them by not being able to hold onto the pregnancy, thus they punish themselves by not seeking out anything that might feel good to that body.

Grief is a winding road, so for some, sex feels too normal, and not “right” for a grieving couple to engage in.  Ironically, for others, sex is the language that the couple is able to speak to one another, especially if talking about the loss is too painful. The gulf that can be expanded for a grieving couple can seem unbridgeable and exponential, so the very concept of sexual relations again can appear to be almost foreign.

How do couples bridge that gap? How do they enjoy one another again?  The answer, to most things in grief, is slowly and with time. How much time depends on the individuals in a couple as there is no set amount.  For many women, sex and arousal is not a switch that can be turned on and off.  Rather, it has to be nurtured. This can be done by starting slow. Talking. Dating. Recommitting to one another as a couple. Build intimacy from there.  Hormones can play a part in emotions in addition to the grief feelings, so if both decide to try for lovemaking, use lubricant, go slow (again), and communicate.

Eventually, sex for enjoyment might shift to sex for baby making. The idea of “trying again” is also scary as it can feel as if you stop caring about the baby that you lost, or that you are “over it”. Know that you are not forgetting your baby if you enjoy yourself. You are not forgetting your baby by trying to expand your family.  Many families wonder when they should start to try again. A basic rule of thumb is that when the fear of loss is outweighed by desire to have a child.

 

Reconceiving Loss is a resource center for coping with pregnancy and infant loss. 

 



Happy Labor Day!

September 1, 2013

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photo via Flickr

Writing about sex and relationships is hard work: all the Eyes Wide Shut balls we’re required to attend, all the whips and chains we need to inspect, all the pillow fights we have to have in our lingerie. It’s exhausting! So we’re taking Monday off (and hope you are too!). We’ll be back on Tuesday refreshed and ready to take on all your pressing romantic inquiries.


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People Really Do Win on EMandLO.com!

July 10, 2013

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We recently got a nice thank you note from the winner of our  GÄSM contest:

Today I got the gift in the post (at last), it actually was delayed in customs here but it arrived, cannot believe it, so so happy and cannot wait to try out. Amazing guys, thank you very much, never won anything before!

People really do win on EMandLO.com! To help make believers of you, we’re extending our love story contest about sexual fireworks for another week — tell us your summer lovin’ story in 700 words or less and you could win a copy of our “150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.” You’ve got until next Monday, July 14th. If you enter now — and don’t skeeve us out with any gory details — you have a HUGE chance of winning. Seriously, tell us your story right now, don’t be gross, and you most likely will win!

xo,

Em & Lo

 



Happy Independence Weekend!

July 4, 2013

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We’re off for the long holiday weekend (and hope you are too!). We’ll be back with our regularly scheduled regimen of sex, love and everything in between on Monday, July 8th. Until then, go make some fireworks (our Wise Guys have some ideas if you’re short on inspiration). Happy Fourth!


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Infographic: Fascinating Stats on Love & Marriage in Modern Times

June 18, 2013

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What We Talk About When We Talk About Angelina Jolie’s Boobs

May 14, 2013

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photo via Flickr

Angelina Jolie wrote an op ed in the New York Times today about her decision to have a preventive double mastectomy in order to greatly reduce her risk of breast cancer, which she had an almost 90% chance of getting due to a “faulty” gene (BRCA1) which greatly predisposes carriers to the disease.

Her acting career — indeed her celebrity career — has often revolved and relied on her otherworldly beauty (which includes bodily proportions more akin to Barbie than the average woman). Case in point: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was basically a vehicle for her boobs. Her body has been a fantasy and jealousy maker for both men and women (and not just respectively speaking). And as is the case with any celebrity, but especially one who’s part of an elite power couple known for their physical beauty, her body has been something we feel we own in some way with our Us Weekly ogling.

Which is why this op ed comes as such a shocker. How could she willingly remove these money-making, awe-inspiring assets? Especially without consulting us? She’s taken away the essence of her identity!

Which of course she hasn’t. Jolie could have quietly undergone the procedure, gotten the reconstruction and moved on. But by going public, she’s teaching us several valuable lessons:

- Celebrities aren’t superhuman. Even though being filthy rich can often help with medical matters, celebrities are still just people made of cells that can be prone to illness and disease. They get old (try as they might to fight it) and they die, sometimes accidentally, sometimes prematurely, sometimes naturally. We won’t find double mastectomies featured in Us Weekly’s “Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us” column, but maybe we should.

- Boobs don’t make the woman. We are not defined by our body parts, no matter how much pop culture and porn insist we are. Breasts aren’t just for show — they’re for feeding our babies, for our own pleasure, and sometimes they’re for nothing and nobody. (What woman hasn’t wished them away during a jog or on a hot day or when walking past a bunch of construction workers?) A woman’s worth is comprised of so much more: her intellect, her personality, her accomplishments, her career, her family, her values. Just as “being a man” should not be defined by penis size. (For instance, most people are familiar with Jolie’s enhanced curvature in Tomb Raider, but few know that it was her work abroad on that movie that led her to become involved in important humanitarian causes around the world — priorities, people!).

- Speaking of priorities, we as a culture would do well to take breasts off their pedestal, be a little more mature and less ravenous about the accidental nip slip, and not require their gratuitous display in every rated R movie. It might result in women not hating their own boobs so much. It might result in less plastic surgery, especially of the elephantine variety. It might result in more respect for women, which ultimately translates into better pay, more power, and less sexism and violence against women. You know, the little things.

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Tell Us About Your Relationship and Win an Intimacy Kit Worth $500!

April 16, 2013

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photo via Durex

We’re seeking a US-based couple in their twenties or thirties, either married or in a committed relationship, who are willing to tell us about their relationship — anonymously, if you prefer! In exchange you will receive our undying gratitude — oh, and an awesome “Play Together, Stay Together” toolkit from Durex, worth five hundred dollars, which includes sensual products, restaurant and spa gift certificates, tips, thought-provoking questions, and other items to help you and your partner get closer to go further. We will interview you once before you receive the kit — over email or phone, whichever you prefer — and once after you’ve tried it out for a couple of weeks.

You should be:

  • A couple — either married or in a committed relationship
  • In your twenties or thirties
  • Based in the U.S.
  • Willing to talk to us about how getting closer as a couple has enabled you to go further together — not just physically, but emotionally, too
  • Willing to try out the tips and products in Durex’s ”Play Together, Stay Together” toolkit — and then tell us how it went
  • Willing to have those interviews published on our site (anonymously, if you prefer)

You will get:

  • A free ”Play Together, Stay Together” toolkit from Durex worth $500, including a vibrator, lube, condoms, body chocolate, a mixology kit, a Truth or Dare game, gift certificates for Restaurant.com and SpaFinder.com, and more!
  • The chance to get even closer to your partner… and to go a little further together
  • The chance to tell the story of your relationship

Interested?

  • Send us an email at contest@emandlo.com telling us why you want to take part — we can’t wait to hear from you! (Optional: Include a pic of yourselves.)

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