1. Turn your bedroom into a boudoir.
Paint the walls a deep red (or just on the sheets or pillows if red walls is too much of a commitment!). Add mood lighting with dimmers. Load up on lots of pillows. Install long curtains (would any boudoir be caught dead with short curatins, or worse, shades?). You should have a nightstand drawer that’s easy to reach with all your props (toys, lubricant, condoms, etc). Place a big mirror where you can see yourselves from the bed (or at least put it somewhere so you can easily position yourselves in front of it). Banish TVs and computers from this sacred space. KonMari Method the shit out of the room and declutter! You can even throw down a faux sheepskin rug. Just no animal prints!
2. Make a purposeful playlist for sex.
Surprise your partner with a sex mix and let the songs lead the way. And we’re not talking about taking the easy way out with the “Chilled R&B” station on Spotify. No, create a playlist hand-curated by you for you and your partner with songs you know you’ll both like to boink to. And don’t limit yourself to just one. Create different playlists with different moods for different kinds of sex. Some fun sexy song like “Pony” by Ginuwine at the beginning of a mix might make you feel frisky and confident and in control (no need to do a full on strip tease a la Magic Mike, but who knows, you might feel inspired!). Mellow songs like “I’ve Been Thinking” by Handsome Boy Modeling School featuring Cat Power might help you lie back and enjoy yourself without stressing about what’s happening next. Other songs, like “Cockiness” by Rihanna or “Desire” by Meg Meyers, might make you want to get in touch with your inner dom.
3. Visit a clean, well-lit sex toy shop together.
Gone are the days of the seedy sex shop. Okay, they still exist. But for every one of those, there’s a nice, friendly, feminist sex shop somewhere nearby. You’ll totally crack up at some of the more ridiculous toys that you’d never be comfortable with (and laughter is a great prelude for sex), but somewhere in there, you’re bound to find something you both like. Just being in public together looking at these toys, entertaining their possibility, can be a turn-on. If you’re too shy for that, log onto a store like GoodVibes.com or LELO.com together with a bottle of wine. It’s not quite so much instant gratification, but you can shop together in your sexiest underwear, and you might end up with a whole different kind of instant gratification!
4. Start foreplay right after breakfast
(and make it last all day).
All-day foreplay can include saucy text messages, voicemails, a suggestive polaroid of yourself slipped into their planner, a passionate open mouthed 10 second kiss right before you leave for work in the morning (rather than just a peck on the cheek) — these little affections will put a bounce in both your steps and keep you thinking about racing to get through the day. Call or text your partner on your way home and tell them what you’re planning on doing when you get there. Leave each other sexy assignments on Post-it Notes, or just leave a sexy book with a bookmark in it at a certain spot, e.g. a position you want to try, a passage you want to read together… Leave the book open on their bed, or pop it in their bag for reading on the way to the office.
5. Become sexy study partners.
Take a sexy class together with homework assignments, or just rent an instructional video and set aside one day a week as your class time. Examples of classes include erotic writing, sensual cooking, or even slightly technical classes about specific moves or embraces, like Tantra or sensual massage. Get out of your comfort zone together. You can always learn something new and when you learn it together it keeps things exciting. You could even wear a tie and/or knee-length socks to add to the fun. Bare minimum, buy our book SEX: How to Do Everything for some some new ideas.
6. Dress each other up.
Don’t wear your comfy pizza-stained sweats every night. Go clothes shopping together, and help each other pick stuff out you both like. If either of you can’t stand shopping for clothes, then make a special trip to the lingerie store/high-end underwear shop (we’re talking a step up from Victoria’s Secret). Or else, go your own separate ways: agree to purchase a new cool undergarment for yourself and wear it underneath on a date so you can surprise each other later — you both know you’ve got something new on but have to wait until the end of the night to see! Or buy an item of clothing for yourself that is way too racy for you to wear in public, and wear it for an at-home dinner and a movie date. Boudoir-style clothing can be super comfy and super-sexy, and are a great way to turn a movie night into a hot and heavy make-out session on the couch. If you’re on a budget, just pick out each other’s outfits for an evening date (all the way down to the underwear).
7. Have sex like teenagers.
Start at a movie and make out in the back row, then pull over your car somewhere deserted on the way home and have sex. You’d be surprised how hard it is to find a place to park where you won’t get caught… and just driving around like that, trying to find the right place, acts as a kind of foreplay. Or, have a quickie somewhere in semi-public, i.e. it feels kind of like you’re doing it in public but you’re pretty sure you’d never get caught. For example: on a totally abandoned beach, in the office after hours behind a locked door, in the woods camping. Or even go junior high: make fun of each other in a way that leads to a wrestling match on the couch or a tickle fest.
8. Bring a Polaroid camera into the bedroom.
In the age of infinite digital pics, there’s something so seductively retro about analogue photos. And as long as you keep your mitts on the hard copies, there’s no way to accidentally send them out to your entire email address book! Which is why they make for great naughty photo sessions. The Fuji Instax Mini 8 and the Polaroid Pic-300 are good options — both produce small instant photos that develop before your eyes. If you want to spice it up even more, why not opt for a boudoir photography session and have some professional pictures taken? Photographers know all the best angles and poses and can make you look foxy as ever! Talk to one of the boudoir photographers Edmonton has if you want to learn more about these empowering photoshoots. There’s nothing that could really go wrong!
9. Make your partner your love sub for a night.
You don’t have to adopt the whole BDSM lifestyle to dabble in a little kink. Tell them, “You’ll do whatever I say for the next two hours”. That includes reading to you from your favorite saucy novel, drawing you a bath, washing your hair, giving you a massage, kissing you here…and here….and here. It’s a great way to talk dirty, communicate what you want and actually get it, while not having to worry about pleasing your partner. If you like to have your feet tickled and rubbed, you can even make them give you a pedi. Then, next week, it’s your turn to be their love toy. Just be sure you’re both setting ground rules about (what you will and won’t do) and not abusing your power.
10. Schedule a dirty weekend together.
Book a weekend (or even just a night) at a hotel together so that the whole weekend (or night and morning after) is dedicated to sex. It doesn’t have to be a super-fancy hotel, though the nicer hotels often have great deals off-season or midweek (maybe if a birthday or anniversary falls mid-week, you can make a school-night exception). The novelty of a new space will automatically make the sex feel fresher, more exciting. You can even pretend to be strangers in the hotel bar!