3 Key Things to Do When Your Guy Can’t Get It Up

By David Wignat for YourTango

You’re in bed with your man. You’ve done all your sexiest moves. You smell great. You look fantastic. He hasn’t reached middle age yet and he hasn’t been drinking, so his machinery should be in working order. But when you head down south, you suddenly realize his penis is about as erect as a noodle that’s been thrown against the wall to see if it’s cooked.

So what on earth should you say and do?

The first thing to be very aware of is that he knows exactly what’s going on down there. To be honest, that’s most of the problem. The more he gets into his big head, the more his little head is going to fail. So let’s go through three things you can do to help him relax.

1. Get him to relax.

More often than not, the main problem is in his mind. When a man goes into his head, he’s worrying about whether he’ll please you, whether he smells OK, or whether you’re enjoying yourself. There could be a million things going through his mind. Think about how you feel when a man goes down on you:

“Why is it taking me so long to orgasm? What if I can’t? What if I don’t smell good?”

Well, men go through the exact same anxieties, but the difference between men and women is the result is far more obvious in men. The first thing you need to do when you suspect your man is suffering from anxiety-induced erectile dysfunction is to look at him while you’re going down on him and say this: “Is there anything you’d really like me to do? I really want to turn you on.”

Get him to relax. Talk it through with him gently. Most of the time he’ll be terrified that the longer this continues, the more chance he has of losing you, so make sure you give him plenty of reassurance and let him know you love him.

2. Don’t take it personally, and don’t use confrontation.

He’s already in his head, and knowing you’re upset about it will just make things worse.

Whatever you do, don’t bluntly ask, “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you hard?” The moment you ask that question, the pressure on him becomes way too much for him, and the chance of him becoming aroused pretty much evaporates.

Instead, ask him if he’d like a break or if he wants to try something different. It could be that a break in the tension will be enough to relax him and get him out of his thoughts. Start a conversation around it, but don’t push him to talk. If this is not the first time this has happened, maybe a consultation with a doctor or an erectile dysfunction online prescription could help him. This doesn’t mean that the problem is long-term or cannot be resolved, there could be many reasons for not being able to have an erection, stress included. So don’t worry and make a safe space for him.

3. Give him time.

A lot of guys who suffer from erection problems have emotional issues in the background which they need to deal with. They need support and understanding. Most of the problem is mental, and with time his equipment will start working as soon as his the gears in his mind get back on track. Of course, if the problem is persistent, he could buy sildenafil here from Menschem to help your sex life get back on track but consult with a doctor first before indulging in some medication.

For women who have only ever been with men who could get hard on command, it can be a confusing and worrying issue. Remember: it’s not your fault. The problem is in his mind, not yours. All you can do is focus his mind on relaxing, being present, and enjoying the moment, rather than thinking about the mechanics of what’s happening.

Take the pressure right off him, and it won’t be long before his manhood is back in full working order.


For more dating, relationship, and sex advice for women, check out David’s blog. This post was originally published on YourTango: 3 Things to Do Immediately If Your Main Can’t Maintain an Erection

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