“Stop Relying on Your Dick to Please a Woman”

Apologies if we seem to be beating off a dead horse here: our last Comment of the Week was related to penis size, as well. But we can’t help it! This topic gets some of the best, most thoughtful and helpful responses from our amazingly enlightened readers. Behold,  RodR‘s smart reconceptualization of sex:

I think you should feel the other way. Having a small dick is really not a hindrance in the real world. It is probably the least consistently useful way to please a woman. My dick is maybe 6 inches on a good day. I rely on it to eventually get me off but not much more than that.  A toy just gives you an additional way to participate. I am older now and wish I had known when I was young what I know now. If you rely on your dick to please a woman every time you are both due for some disappointment. Your best tools are your hands and your tongue. The size of those is not important. Skill and timing are paramount. And communication. You need to tell each other what works for each other. Focus on fun and orgasms rather than worrying about your dick. —RodR

Stop thinking with your dick:
5 Ways to Reconceptualize Sex


  1. Without disagreeing with Rod’s overall premise I’m going to get a little nerdy about his notion that a six-inch penis is small.

    1) Repeated biometric surveys tell us the average human penis is between five and a half and six inches long when erect. The most common number cited these days is 5.88 inches. (Statistics note: two digits past the decimal implies whoever did the study measured a lot of erect penises to get that kind of accuracy.)

    2) “Average” doesn’t mean half of all men’s erections are larger than 5.88″ and half are smaller. That would be the median penis size. And thanks to the marvels of lower limits (penises can be arbitrarily large but can’t be smaller than zero) a man with a median-length erection is going to be at least a little smaller than the average.

    All that number waiving is a nice, sophomoric way of saying Rod’s “My dick is maybe 6 inches on a good day” means that even on a bad day he doesn’t have a small dick.

    Point being that his particular little bit of self deprecation probably isn’t going to make the (literal!) majority of men feel sorry for him.

    Otherwise, I completely agree that men tend to get a little dick-centric when we think about our partner’s satisfaction or lack thereof. Particularly since it’s a message even very large men would do well to remember.

    I wouldn’t go as far as Rod and say that hands and tongues are what really matter. Because men and women can learn to do really cool things with dicks too. Even smaller than average median ones.


    1. That’s so funny DTI, we didn’t get the impression Rod thinks (or is suggesting) 6 inches is small — we figured he thought it was above average (because it is) and mentioned it to 1) prove that even guys with average or above average penises should use their hands and mouths to give women better, more reliable orgasms, and 2) to just make sure (rather immaturely, as you suggest) that everyone here knows he doesn’t have a small penis. We thought about taking that line out completely before we featured his comment here, but figured that his overall point had more impact coming from a guy with an above average peen than it would from a guy with a smaller one. Like, hey, even above average penises aren’t great for giving women orgasms (Rod’s exhibit A), so no matter what you’ve got, focus on non-penis technique!

    2. All the medical studies on the matter I’ve seen state it to be 5.12-5.53 inches is the norm, which makes sense, rather than a single size, a range of sizes would make more sense in regards to statistics. I personally have 6.73×6.12, and sometimes it is a pain, literally. I’ve had to stop during sex, and have had pain myself from the base ring on condoms being too tight, even on so called extra large ones.

      I think a water displacement test which would measure the volume of the penises tested would be good too, though you could probably model a functional equation to show the volume as well, for more precision.

      Thankfully, I found mysize 69mm diameter ones, and this problem has largely disappeared. This has it’s own set of problems, however, as I have to order them ahead of time from overseas, the FDA bans condoms with a nominal width of larger than 57mm.

      Even with a degree in Materials Chemistry and Polymers, and being tall, toned, and very attractive, I rarely have sex. I do take a highly scientific approach to it, to bring maximum pleasure to the woman I am with, having studied anatomy in the Army as a combat medic, and always take body cues as well, and ask what she enjoys.

      I never relied on my size alone to bring a woman pleasure, though I know with very girthy ones there is additional stimulation, and that helps.

      I have crippling PTSD from a tour overseas, though, so I don’t date anymore, or even get out of the house much. I do have a friend I visit occasionally, we spend 2-3 weeks together once a year, go hiking, but neither of us wants a relationship. So I fly across the country a couple of times a year and visit with her.

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