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Dear Em and Lo,
I love my girlfriend, but she isn’t as hot as other girls I see around, and I’m attracted to them, too. I would likely bang one if I had the chance. What should I do?
Yours,
Dick Sanchez
Dear Dickhead,
Let us guess, you’re Dirty Sanchez’s pervy younger brother, yes?
We don’t think you’re entirely clear on the definition of the word “love.” Please break up with this girl immediately and give her the chance to meet a guy who actually deserves her.
Also, if you insist on using “bang” as a verb, then you should get used to spending a lot of time with your right hand. Actually, we’re pretty sure you should get used to spending a lot of time with your right hand, period.
We hope you grow up to be a better dude.
That’s all.
Em & Lo
