We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.
Dear Em & Lo,
OK, I have to ask, because maybe I just don’t get it. Really, if a girl likes a dude, why does she have to wait around and hope he gets back to her? Why does making a move appear “desperate?”
To be more specific, I just moved to a new city where I don’t know a soul, for a career opportunity. Feeling lonely, I decided to give online dating a try for my first time ever. I have never struggled with meeting guys and tend to navigate well in the realms of love. But this is totally new and weird to me. Normally, if I find someone attractive, I reach out to him. So, after some decent but not great dates, I managed to go out with a fella I now have a total crush on. It was a coffee date that turned into a six hour affair that only ended because a family member kept calling him about needing something.
During the date he repeatedly told me he was really having a great time, to let him know when I was free next, kept suggesting future date ideas, texted me immediately after to say he had a blast, that I was very pretty, that he wished he didn’t have to leave and then a few hours later to see if I was out (I wasn’t), asked if it was ok he had kissed me or if it seemed he was moving too fast.
It’s been a few days and we’ve only talked once since. What is this? He asked if I took down my okc profile and I said yes as it was proving a distraction from my work, but, shucks! Does it really make that big of a deal if I ask him if he wants to kick it again? I guess I feel it’s better to take a shot in the dark than to sit around wringing my hands about some boy I think is dreamy. Why is being proactive in what we (women) want such a bad thing? I suppose the very worst that could happen is he says yes but never shows up, so I have to sit around and drink my beer like a sad little girl, alone.
— Ms Independent
