Sometimes a reader comment demands more than just a “thumbs down” or a two-sentence rebuttal. Sometimes it warrants its own full-length post. J Male’s recent response to “Why Women Have Ravishment and Rape Fantasies” was one such comment. Our reply is below his:
“Rape fantasies were a way [for women] to avoid taking blame for their sexual desires” — …there’s a simpler [explanation for why women have rape fantasies] established by natural common sense rather than research:
Males were created physically stronger than females. Males were created with greater sexual volition than females. The former is like the dominant rat while the later is like the attractive hole. Presuming they’re pieces of the life puzzle, how should they fit? Do the math… The fact is – during the earlier evolution of man, there was nothing like dating, introductions, ‘getting to know someone’ and so on. At that time human language was minimal while their senses were very strong. The strange male simply read the signs of heat on the strange female, ‘took’ her, then she would submit and naturally adapt to being with him while he made it a life duty to protect and care for her. It was that simple. Though thousands of years of evolution and civilization has eroded much of that reality from our societies, we still have those instincts “A man is an animal”…
Therefore, while I’m here having the same ravish fantasies to grope a woman, suck her breast and eventually fock her while enjoying / ignoring her subtle female resistance, a woman is out there hoping someone like me to do the exact same thing to her. So why are we not getting on with it? Why are we not exploring and enjoying these very natural desires? Read on…
1. The lack of volition by the female, as I mentioned; due to her inability to control / predict the outcome especially with the ‘perfect male stranger’. This is mostly caused by thoughts of the violent elements that have come to be associated with this, and / or her uncertainty that this experience could remain a secret.
2. “Political correctness” advocated by Feminists (lesbian butches and their wussy male supporters). They even have a legal term for it “rape” which scares everyone even more…
Luckily I found an online project that helps us all explore these desires. With so many thousands of members it lets us understand that this desire is not nearly as weird as people deem it to be. They’re absolutely natural and they can be explored secretly and safely. In fact, as instinctive as it is, every human should experience this at least once in a life time, because it helps with self-discovery and better understanding one’s sexuality. I hope this helps.
— J Male
Dear J.M.,
Nope, not helpful. Here’s why:
First, your jumping off point — the quote about the assumption that women had rape fantasies in order not to seem slutty for having their own sexual desires — represents an outdated theory that doesn’t apply to the modern woman. The new research found that the more likely a woman was to have fantasies about being ravished, the more likely she was not only to be confidently sex positive but also to have fantasies about ravishing a man. You can’t have your cake and eat it too: considering your “common sense,” if women have fantasies about being raped because they’re built by nature to be raped, then why would they have have fantasies about raping men if they’re not equipped to rape?
You’re using tired pop evolutionary psychology to justify criminal tendencies (and evo psych can be used, quite creatively, to explain or justify just about anything, e.g. Why do girls like pink? Because they were berry pickers! Never mind the fact that in the early 20th century pink was considered a boy color). Yes, let’s wax nostalgic for a time when early humans and their ancestors were significantly LESS intelligent, altruistic, cooperative, and empathic; when their “language” was feces-throwing and violence; when they often died prematurely literally from stupidity.
We humans have evolved quite quickly and drastically over hundreds of thousands of years, intellectually and socially, to understand that acting on every base urge is not ethical, moral, smart or even simply tenable. Just because you may have an impulse — and having it automatically allows it to be termed “natural” — doesn’t make it right. (And here, we can’t help but imagine you singing, a la George Michael, “Rape is natural, rape is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should!”)
Let’s replace rape here with murder — you may have urges to kill people who disagree with you or annoy you or threaten you in some way, but it would be ludicrous for you to say that these are all natural inclinations left over from our early hominid origins that should be encouraged and explored, because “natural.” “Hey, let’s hope everyone gets to experience the natural animalistic act of killing someone with their bare hands — which is their birthright — at least once in their lifetime!”
Calling all feminists “butch lesbians” — as if that’s an insult — shows that you have no understanding of the vast diversity in the feminist movement. There are plenty of straight feminist women who love to be spanked, have their hair pulled, and get consensually roughed up during sex. Not one of them wants to actually be raped. Feminist men are not wusses (again, with the poop-throwing!) — they are humans with balls (we’re guessing bigger than yours) who understand that Paleolithic mentalities have no place in 21st century relations, thanks to evolution.
Not wanting to be raped is not “political correctness”, it’s the reality of all women: we want bodily integrity, freedom from violence, and the right to have whatever sexual fantasies we desire. The emphasis here is on fantasy, a controlled imaginary experience in one’s head or else a negotiated role-play scene done consensually with agreed upon limits. It’s the opposite of real-life rape, which is unwanted, coerced, not pleasurable and often violent. And hey, if you want to fantasize about raping every woman you see, that’s your prerogative — but to so flagrantly blur the line between fantasy and reality and to suggest that you and other men should act on these fantasies is dangerous and irresponsible. It contributes to the rape culture that blames and shames victims, promotes myths like “there’s no such thing as marital rape,” and feeds the sexism that keeps domestic violence and sexual assault at epidemic proportions. It’s how you get six men all beating and gang-raping a 23-year-old intern to death.
If you want to negotiate a relationship with a willing participant who likes you to take charge and be dominant sexually, goodie for you — but don’t tell the rest of us that deep down we all want to be sexually assaulted against our will but just don’t realize it because wanting pay equity somehow clouds our judgment.
Not yours,
Em & Lo
P.S. We do, however, approve of the term “fock.”
