Hello,
Before me and my boyfriend started dating, we agreed on being in an open relationship. As time went by, I have hooked up with some guys but he hasn’t because he thinks he is not the kind of guy that hooks up with random people. I totally respect his belief. He doesn’t like the feeling when I sleep with other guys. Recently he suggested breaking up with me even though we both don’t want to do so. We really like each other. What should I do?
— An Open Or Close Case
Dear AOOCC,
Sounds like you’ve done everything right and the world’s still bitten you where you sit down. It happens. All too often. You’ve got three options:
- Close the relationship up again. Lots of relationships start closed and then open up and lots close after being open. You’ll have to work hard convincing your boyfriend you really do love him so much that you want only him. (For heavens sake don’t say you’re doing it FOR him. Nobody loves a martyr. ) And if you find out you can’t be monogamous break it off cleanly. Don’t cheat. You’ll both feel like…excrement. But if you can make it work the knowledge you’ve deliberately chosen each other should leave you glowing.
- If you can’t promise monogamy you can try to dial back to being friends and see what happens. You or he may discover the relationship is too important to leave. Or he may just get lucky and then decide open is fine. Lots of men are unpleasantly surprised at how one sided being open is and he may just envy you your successes.
- Or just break it off honestly while you still like each other. Sometimes there’s no going back from a decision.
Only you can choose which of these matches your emotions. I personally think that love conquers….well, a lot if not all and would vote for option 1. But of course it’s up to you.
Good luck,
