A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex

Freud really screwed things up. Add ass play to the long list of fun sex acts he turned into big social no-no’s. Sure, he said fascination with your own bum was an important and necessary part of a child’s development, but then he diagnosed that same pleasure in adults as immature and dysfunctional. Why should kids have all the fun? Admit it: There’s nothing quite like a satisfying poo. After the sneeze, it’s probably the closest bodily function to an orgasm.

Freud’s not the only party pooper, though; there are myriad reasons why people still have a bug up their ass about anal play, even a hundred years later. Germaphobes worry that it’s too dirty — and not in that good, naughty way. Prudes worry that it’s too dirty in that good naughty way. Tight-asses worry about pain, loose sphincters, and incontinence. Homophobia’s a biggie, too: Hetero men (and even their girlfriends) worry that using his exit as an entrance will “turn him gay.” Or at least turn him girly — which stems from a long, uncool tradition of rigidly defined gender roles and sexism. And some people just don’t like the color brown.

Pshaw, we say. First of all, having anal sex is as likely to turn you gay as listening to Elton John. (And believe it or not, many gay men never go dirt-roading.) We all have plenty of nerve endings back there, and nerve endings aren’t gay or straight — they’re just there to make things feel good (or bad, if you do it wrong). There are also simple ways to keep things tidy so you don’t end up with a sepia-toned crime scene in your bedroom. As for the prudes, they should know better than anyone that breaking taboos is half the fun. And with enough relaxation, communication, lubrication, and TLC, anal sex can actually strengthen your sphincter muscles. Plus, all that communication can really foster intimacy. Finally, everyone knows that brown is the new black.

But before you become backdoor friends, you need to do a bit of homework. Unlike garden-variety front-door sex, there is a wrong way to have anal sex. (Hint: If it hurts, you’re doing it the wrong way.) When it comes to good old-fashioned backdoor lovin’, understand that the anus and rectum are not like the vagina: they are not self-lubricating, their tissue is much more delicate, and they don’t expand to fit the penetrator. Ready to go spelunking? Here’s our fifteen-step guide to anal sex, whether your tool of choice is a penis or a strap-on dildo.

1. Like a Good Chef, Prep Ahead of Time

There’s no need for an enema, just make sure you’ve got enough fiber in your diet for solid deposits — yes, that means you should eat your bran flakes! A daily dose of fiber in your diet will make things cleaner and more comfy back there. You should also avoid beans and anything else that makes you gassy 24 hours prior to the act; drop the kids off at the pool; and shower thoroughly immediately beforehand. (This is polite behavior, not prudish!)

2. Get Used to the Idea on Your Own

Speaking of the shower: this is a good place to test the back waters. We’ll be honest, it feels kind of funny at first. So, to get used to the sensation, stick a soapy finger where the sun don’t shine next time you shower. (Just be sure to rinse thoroughly afterwards, as soap residue can be a little irritating back there.) FYI, you should do this whether you plan on being the receiver or the giver — it’s helpful to know the sensation your partner will be experiencing.

3. No “Oopsing”!

Advance communication is key, and anal sex makes for a terrible surprise gift. If you want your partner to actually enjoy this, then discuss it first — don’t pretend you accidentally knocked on the wrong door. In fact, communication throughout the act will be key, so anal sex is something best practiced with someone you know well and trust. Hey, long-term monogamy has got to have some benefits!

4. Don’t Be Drunk

Just as you shouldn’t operate heavy machinery while under the influence, you shouldn’t experiment with anal sex while drunk, either. Pain is a sign you’re doing something wrong, and if you’re wasted, you won’t know when to stop.

5. Use Manmade Lube

Don’t ever go near the backdoor (not even with a pinkie) without a generous supply of manmade lube-spit’s just not enough. In fact, it would be downright deviant not to use the ass-istance of manmade lube. Try Liquid Silk, and be liberal in its application (we recommend a hand pump dispenser for easy one-handed reapplication). And steer clear of lube with numbing ingredients-you’ll want all your pain and pleasure sensors fully operational.

6. Start Slow

Don’t go in like gangbusters: Remember, there are no anal sex starter kits that come with 12-inch dongs! Work your way up slowly, first with a little teasing on the surface, then go in gently with a well-lubed pinkie (hint: trim your nails!), then an index finger, then a small (okay, average) penis, dildo, or butt plug. At each step, pause so that both parties can appreciate the line that has been crossed. The receiver may find that deep breathing helps them accustom to the unfamiliar sensation.

7. Get the Angle Right

The rectum is not a straight line! So don’t go thrusting in and out like it’s a vagina. Even small, contained movements feel pretty intense back there. If you want some examples of the correct angle for the penis, check out videos from sites like porn-hd.xxx. Once you’re in just past the two ring-like sphincters of the anus, angle your penetrator towards the receiver’s bellybutton to avoid hitting the rectal wall.

8. Any Toys Must Have a Flared Base

When using something other than your own finger or penis, make sure it was made for bum play (i.e. has a tapered tip for smooth entry, no rough seams, and a flared base so it doesn’t get lost up there).

9. The Receiver Sets the Pace

Beginners should maintain eye contact at all times (assuming the position allows it — see below) as you figure out the best depth, speed, and rhythm. First-time receivers may even want to guide the penis (or strap-on) in with their hands.

10. Consider the Missionary Position

Don’t limit yourselves to doggy-style-missionary position anal sex is often easier for the first-time receiver. In this position, the receiver lies on their back with their legs bent at the knee and up a little, so they’re almost resting on their chest. This position is great for both communication and also intimacy. Hey, who knew anal sex could be so romantic?! Another great beginner position is sideways anal sex. Tip: have the inside spoon use a wall for leverage. If you’re wanting to find about some other positions that could be beneficial to experiment with, you could always have a look at some anal scenes using tube videos hd or similar websites.

11. Don’t Go from Back to Front

Just like women are taught to wipe front to back: to avoid a nasty post-sex infection, keep anything that’s been in the bum (a penis, a finger, a toy, a tongue, whatever) away from the vagina and the mouth to avoid infection.

12. If It Hurts or Bleeds, Stop!!!

Duh, right? But our lawyers insist we say this. Pain and blood should not be part of your anal sex experience.

13. Wrap It Up

Unprotected anal sex is the one of the riskiest forms of sex in terms of STDs, so always use a condom.

14. No Fast Exits!

Always pull out slowly and gently, even if your partner is screaming, “Get the f*&$ out!!” The movement can feel even more intense in the reverse direction.

15. Cuddle

Anal sex can be pretty intense, especially for the first-time receiver, so don’t forget to spoon when you’re done.

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