Wise Guys: Do Most Straight Guys Secretly Love Bum Play?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie):
I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia.  If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom.  However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker.  Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public.  I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate.  Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good.  It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Sites like Seancody.com and BrokeStraightBoys.com, where supposedly straight men have sex with other men, are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. I can’t speak for “most straight guys”, but my straight guy *loves* his ass played with. I’ll rim, finger and peg him any time he asks (and often when he doesn’t) because it feels great (tons of nerve endings, and prostate stim makes for earth-shattering orgasms) and I love pleasuring him. If you’re good at multi-tasking, ring his doorbell while blowing him 😉
    And, then, he gets to play with mine (well, when he wakes up, lol).

  2. I’m married, straight, and really like it! If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you. No need to rain on anybody else’s parade. I was first introduced to anal play by a girl I was dating in my twenties. When I told her I thought it was gay she said “Sexual attraction to a man makes you gay. Your girlfriend’s fingers in that cute ass of yours does not.” The rest was history. As far as anyone else’s opinion goes… It’s my booty, and my business. Men who might enjoy having the ol’ prostate tickled aren’t hurting you. If it’s not your thing, don’t worry about it.

  3. I have a new girlfriend who fancies herself an expert in prostate massage. I was skeptical, but wow did she prove herself right! it’s actually sorta dignified too the way she does it. I get it laying on my back, not on my hands and knees with my butt up like a bitch ready to take it, lol. Since she’s not a dude, and doesn’t even look or act like one, I don’t see what she’s doing to me as being “gay.”

  4. I like because it feels good and thats the only reason ive wwondered if it makes me gay but hell no im not gay I just just like anal play its awesome

  5. My boyfriend has recently discovered he likes me lubing him up and fingering his anus, rimming him, and pleasuring him with sex toys. I think it’s amazing and I really enjoy doing it to him, and knowing that he has been so open about it is great. The only thing ruining it a little is that he feels it’s wrong because of so many people making comments about it being wrong and that enjoying it must mean you’re gay. That is utter rubbish, and completely ignorant of some people. I have found in the past that most of the men who think it’s wrong and gay are most commonly the ones that actually enjoy it and only deny it because everyone else does. It doesn’t make you less of a man for doing it, all it proves it that you’re close enough with your partner to be that open and comfortable to explore new things with them. I have reassured my boyfriend and we will be continuing to do this.

  6. No, they are not straight. Simple as that. You can make up all the bullshit you want. No truly straight man would put anything up his ass. If they claim they are straight, they are delusional, in the closet, or in denial about their true orientation. It is as simple as that. Perplex the idea all you want, NO, straight men do not anal play, PERIOD.

  7. Clinical and sanitary issues…
    What happens to the vagina and what happens to the rectum should be exclusive of each other for sanitary reasons. If you both enjoy anal play you should even have separate toys. As for the woman who was uncomfortable with morning buttplay, that is very understandable, but a quick enema can take care of that. The first mistake people make is putting too much water in and disturbing fecal matter that is much farther from the rectum than play will ever happen, so go lightly, and just cleanse a few more times after matter stops coming out.

    With that out of the way the major factors are to be openminded, relax, use lots of lube, and go slowly at first.

    I don’t know if its true, but it seems to be in my case, there are as many nerve endings in the rectum as there are in the head of the penis, so that means there is lots of pleasure to be had, if you relax!

    The first time isn’t always heaven, but give it four or five times before you dismiss it, it seems to get better every time!

  8. Im a happily married guy and love my ass played with. It feels so good and my wife is very willing to finger me whilst masterbating.She sometimes rims me which is just fantastic.

  9. This is to all you men who are straight and feel funny about anal play…Don’t. Everyone has needs and if you have a close and loving relationship with your lover/wife.. Then there should be no boundaries. That’s the beauty of sensual love. I’m 48 year old woman who has the most amazing lover. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to him or for him. It is highly important though to practice cleanliness. Never ever go from bum to vagina without washing with soap and water.

  10. My girlfriend, who is a lot younger than I am started playing with my butt and over time became a bit more bold. She got my crazy hot and then without even asking licked her finger and stuck it right in and banged my prostrate til I came.

    I had no idea that I was ready for that kind of sexual activity. She isn’t into anal sex herself and we have a deal. If she can stick a dildo up in my butt that is the same size as my cock then I can have her ass.

    She’s uncomfortable sometimes during regular intercourse so I’m hesitant to follow through. And that does sound too gay for me to let her do that.

  11. My husband has recently been licking his fingers and stimulating his anus while having sex and it is probably going to end our relationship. It’s not that I care about what turns people on its that it feels so unsanitary to me. Not to mention I’ve had several yeast infections and a stomach bug since he started it. I no longer can even get excited we he starts to touch me (he used to ALWAYS start at my breasts) most always on my ass. He prefers sex from behind but if I am on top he tries to stimulate me and I just get disgusted, especially since it’s usually in the morning which is when I go #2. I can’t take it. We have 5 children and we used to have a great sex life, but I work with children and hygiene is so important to me. I know it’s my hang-up but I just can not deal.

  12. If you are married and your husband likes doing sexual things you can’t deal with, then it’s going to be hard to work through that if you aren’t flexible.

  13. I’m a straight men but I’ve always been interested to fine out how a prostate orgasm feels. I’ve never said it to anyone else though and I’ve never actually reached it because I always end up grabbing myself end masturbating the old fashioned way, but something up there can make a bit of a difference.

  14. My wife and I have been married over 30 years. I introduced her to having anal sex. We don’t do it all the time, but once in a while. She has toys and has used toys stimulate my anus, and is willing to finger me during sex. I have discovered that I thoroughly enjoy the action of being fingered or having her use a toy up my bum. Great read by the others who submitted comments.

  15. Well, a while back I heard of colonic hydrotherapy and was instantly interestdd in it. Before that I had anally pleased myself with a dildo or cucumber. The pleasure is amazing but the mess it smetimes made was a turn off and made me not want to do it. I discovered the correct method of enemas though, (and not the little disposable bottled ones on the shelf). To properly prepare your colon for anal stimulation you have to flush it out to where it is 100% cleansed. After you are thoroughly cleansed the enjoyment is 10 times as amazing.! So now I am able to take way bigger objects in back there and the climax is out of this world. I recently started colonic hydrotherapy, and that’s an aazing sensation too. As soon as the session is done I know I can pound away with no mess, just pure pleasure…. So remember, its all about preparation, to enjoy it to the fullest.

  16. Help, my husband loves his anus plaed with, he wants me to lock it and it is not a turn on, he wants me to do him with a strap on, and our attemps have been disatourous, PLEASE HELP, THIS IS RUINING OUR MARRIAGE, AS HE TOLD ME THIS AFTER WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR 14 YEARS AND I CAN’T SPANK HIM WITHOUT CRYING WHEN I SEE THE MARKS ON HIS ASS, AND THE ANAL ON HIM, HAS BEEN REALLY BAD.

  17. hi, need help i have been married for almost two years and recently my husband like playing with my bottom hole during sex (this is very uncomfatable for myself as i consider that a waste hole lol) but he really enjoys it what am i too think?
    thanks one very concerned wife

  18. I’m a gay man and a clinician. I love having my ass pounded, or pounding my man’s hole. What’s fascinates me is the number of straight guys I’m seeing who are exploring ass play, prostate exploration and getting pegged by their girlfriends and wives. It’s also been pretty cool to hear how man straight boys are asking their gay male friends for advice on how to open their holes!

  19. Iv played with my tail end for most of my life and its a great aid to masturbation. My new wife asked me if she could play with my bottom and I was shocked at how good it felt. Im not gay but can understand why both sexes like a little back door action.

  20. I love when my wife uses are strapon on me she.really gives.it.to me we both enjoy it and we have done this for 2 years are so its great to have role reversal she loves to pound me

  21. More straight guys than admit it crave to have their anuses stimulated and penetrated. The stereotype that male anal eroticism equals homosexuality is sexist, homophobic, and entirely false. Unfortunately, it persists among women as well as men, making it difficult for many men to fulfill a deep, persistent desire.

    Fortunately, there are signs of change. Consider the massive quantitites of porn on the internet having to do with strap-on dildos and analingus, with women giving it to men. And all the books–both how-to sex guides and erotic novels–just do a keyword search on Google Books if you don’t believe me. And all the anal toys marketed for male use, from butt plugs to prostate massagers (look up the Tantus Glide) and vibrators.

    I am a straight man who craves anal gratification. I get it from my wife, who loves to bend me over and lick and penetrate my anus with a well-lubricated finger. Penetration itself is mind-blowingly pleasurable, and the stimulation of my prostate leads to the most powerful orgasms ever. Best of all is the sense of role reversal and being receptive and submissive. I have never been taken by a woman wearing a strap-on, but I hope to be one day.

  22. I just love bouncing up and down with pillows stuffed under my arse. Best scream out orgasms I have – can get out of breath tho

  23. I’m an openly gay guy with mostly gay friends. My gay friends don’t like the three or four straight male friends i hang out with quite regularly (and these guys kinda know each other but they’re not friends with each other – it’s always one on one time). They’re always up for getting sucked off and two times out of three THEY will initiate penetrative anal sex where they are the recipient. None of them are interested in touching or sucking anything and I’m absolutely certain that I’m the only guy these guys play with – so whether that makes me an enabler to their bi-sexual side or just a greedy guy with a personal secret stable I don’t know. Personally, all my friends are awesome and amazing sex is just another way that we connect/bond, even if it is a secret..! It’s just a good job none of them have ever turned up when one of the others stays over…!! (yet..)

  24. all i can say is wow… my girl loves it. it actually gets her more off doing it.she wants to fuck it bad. and tonight im going to let her. emotions have a lot to do with this. cause not just anyone i would let and im 100% straight

  25. Okay, let me say the whole “I’m straight, 31, married, have kids and have no gay impulses at all” thing up front. Not interested in it, don’t want a boyfriend, nothing like that.

    But my roommate in grad school was a very closeted gay who made moves on me when he got drunk. One night we got wasted together and I finally said “sure” to his suggestion, figuring “hell why not?”

    It was just one time and never repeated again with him or any other guy. But ladies and gentlemen, I just want to say WOW. We didn’t f*ck, but I got the single BEST blowjob of my life that included two fingers up the ass with some pretty vigorous action leading up to and during the orgasm. It was a complete game changing moment in my sexual life and since then I LOVE assplay! LOVE! IT! I don’t care how “gay” it is, I put a toy up in there during sex and have incredible orgasms. My wife brings me to the edge orally then takes me over it with nothing but a dildo across the prostate. Again, WOW!

    So if you think it’s gay or are too uptight to try it, I really don’t care. My orgasms are better than yours, so there! 😛 lol

  26. The anal area is very sensitive and attention to it is very enjoyable.But because it considered to be gay to enjoy this area it’s prohibitive… It’s only geography,forget the stigma and enjoy it.

  27. I have always enjoyed ass play but never was comfortable enough to ask for it or tell anyone guess i was a little homophobic an nieve but now my wife knows she found out in all the wrong ways but says she accepts it it just pissed her off i didnt tell her. Now i want to completely open up to her and experiment further because it is an incredible feeling. Im not gay did question it for a few years but am far from it. but to all those who try to brainwash us into beliving for what ever reason that this sort of thing is wrong shame on you its because of the standards you people set forth that anyone like me is morally wrong and make us feel a shamed of ourselves until it finally comes out and we realize its not that big a deal. i am so pissed at myself now for being ashamed of it. more power to those who enjoy it be open be honest if your partner decides they dont like dont push they may still experiment with you and maybe just maybe itll change their mind while they are blowing yours.

    But to anyone else dont judge it isnt fair maybe someone thinks your morally wrong for car you drive or the house you live in.

    live peacefully live happy and enjoy life it only happens once.

  28. OMG, you ARE a homophobe. If people didn’t do things that had risks associated with them, we wouldn’t do anything. get off your high horse and enjoy life. You only live once.

  29. Omg obviously wrote a lot of paranoid bullshit. If you don’t do extreme things and always use lube, you’ll be perfectly fine.
    And for the topic: it’s pretty simple, butt is butt, it’s a universal body part and not just a female attribute. so it’s perfectly normal if some boys like it the way we girls like it.

  30. I am 81 years old and gay, but I have never liked anal penetration with a penis or a toy. I love being rimmed and gentle fingering of my ass, however. The notion that all gay men like to be fucked is just as inaccurate as saying that no straight guy would want any ass play.

    Jeez, guys, get over it. Supposedly young people are much more comfortable about homosexuality, but God forbid if anyone suggests that a straight guy might be gay. Relax and enjoy yourselves and stop being so obsessed with how gay you might be perceived.

    Enjoying some ass play is neither gay nor straight. It’s like changing in the locker room – you don’t need to act like little girls when showering with your clothes on for fear another might might see your penis, and therefore, GOD FORBID, you are suddenly gay.

  31. Here are just a five  reasons why you shouldn’t take it up the arse. And no I’m not homophopbic or overly sexually conservative. I just have respect for people I love and do not want to give then a serious medical condition  

    1. The actual muscles responsible for holding the rectum in place are surprisingly NOT that strong, these muscles will progressively weaken over time regardless of if anal sex happens but anal sex will SPEED up this process.

    2. There is a medical condition known as rectal prolapse (or pink sock to some) that is caused directly from the act of anal sex, it actually tears the inner rectal walls of the rectum and cause them to become weaker, over time its likely that they will become so damaged that it will not be able to hold itself in and the walls of your rectal path will actually collapse in on itself protruding OUTSIDE the body resembling the appearance and size of a pink sock.

    3. There is also a risk of causing small tears to the inner rectal walls which can be highly hazerdous and potenially quite dangerous, unlike the vagina, the anus is not lubricated and therefore friction can be a problem. You need to be really careful with that area because small tears in there although small can still easily become infected. All it takes is a little fecal matter to seep into the wounds and you could have yourself a SERIOUS infection.

    4. There is a risk of anal leakage, through use over time. The anal muscles will weaken and your bowls will not be able to hold thereselves in. 

    5. .Once weakened, you will have no choice but to go forward for surgery to smallen the gape. 

    6. Continues acts of anal could also than go on to causing prolapse

    7.It also heightens the chances of anal cancer.

    And before you comment please note, I am  not homophobic, or overly sexually conservative. I just have respect for people I love and do not want to give them a serious medical condition, or kill them.

  32. Have to say I think anal sex is an incredibly disrespectful thing for a man to ask a woman he cares about to do. The fact that the anal area does not  lubricate; anal tissue easily tears; regular anal penetration can loosen the anal hole so much, that the woman might end up  having to wear colostomy pants; you can’t go for anus to vagina because it will – I reiterate – WILL lead to bacterial infection, and it has to be final sexual act during sexual intercourse because of bacteria and concerns about hygiene. Shouldn’t all that be enough set alarm bells going. Apparently, the general consesus is some of the main reasons men like anal sex is  because the anus hole is tight, it’s taboo and it’s it makes the man feel dominate. What about the women? I’m sure some may like it but most probably do it because they don’t want lose their man. 
     And what happens when the poor woman’s anal hole becomes too loose for the man liking due to all that penis penetration. What’s he going to do then to ratchet up his sexual kicks? Stick the penis up her nostril or in her ear? I’d love to know how many heterosexual men would let their girlfriends regularly stick a used dildo up their anus hole.  For crying out loud. Step away from the porn sites for a bit  you’re obviously becoming too desensitized


  33. So my boyfriend introduced my to my ass about three months ago. I had no idea it was fucking awesome. But it is. It has many nerve endings. It likes being licked, it likes being stroked, it likes being fucked. That’s just how it is (though so far we can’t manage anal sex because he’s a big boy and we’re using training toys to try to make room without pain.)

    He, I knew going into this relationship, had a fantasy for strap-ons. Which I thought was odd but I’m experimental and if he liked it and I didn’t HATE it? I’d do it occasionally. Why not? Also I’m a dom and he’s a sub and it’s a good way to put him in his place sometimes. But I admit, I was curious why he liked it and he said he’d show me if I asked, and he did and it was /awesome/.

    He is not gay, not even close. Doesn’t find men remotely attractive. But he likes his ass, and mine, and I’m so glad the ass has become a part of our lives!

    (also, showering YES definitely if tongues are going back there. If just hands, meh, I just wash up after. Also it’s good if I have him in the shower to use a bit of soap and two fingers to clean outside AND in. I feel more hygeneic that way, and hey. It feels good.)

  34. Confused…

    I can tell you after a long life of very interesting and heated sexual encounters…cleanliness comes first.

    Our bodies beautiful as some may be carry various harmful entities that in their customary environment are just fine. Bringing them as they say “into the light of day” is another thing altogether. Before entering into any heated, sexual act, number one for anyone…

    Take a thorough shower, even porn stars know the importance of this simple, delightful, act.

    But, a shower does not clean a persons rectum, unless extreme effort is made prior to the sexual activity. Again, you’ll find this within the higher end sex industry who know full well the importance of such wisdom.

    Bottom line (pun intended) DO NOT suck anyone’s finger that has been in a rectum, it’s asking for trouble in about 24 hours.

    Do NOT have your finger in your ass and then masturbate! You transfer everything to your vagina, his mouth, your insides, and again a very dangerous infection can take place.

    Smart sex, is recognizing reality. Take a class on microbiology and not unlike getting your fist DUI, will your perspective change for the good & his too.

    Take the proper precautions and have at it,

    And live to have at it another day!

  35. Okay. So here’s the thing…
    I have never had a guy ask about this until now..
    my boyfriend is into a lot of the same things as me, like hitting and choking and what not. I am very open sexually so I was happy to oblige this request of his.. however.. I am not sure how I feel about it. I mean I get that he likes it, but at the same time, he wanted to suck his own fingers.. the problem I have is that logically I am not okay with this for sanitary reasons. I masturbate and sometimes use a finger in my ass, but I HAVE to wash my hand and finger thoroughly after. So I feel like I can’t get past some of these hang-ups of mine. And I worry because I am thinking, is he going to want this every time I give him a blow job? I just keep thinking about it, and don’t know if I am into it. I realize that in a relationship you do things that you may not be completely fond of to please the other person, but it worries me I keep thinking about this. Any thoughts would be helpful…

  36. Never had that experience till I had an affair with a lesbian who wanted to experiment. She slowly lubed & entered me in such an erotic manner it blew my mind. I’m pretty straight when it comes to the man/women dance, but I have to tell you, I would love to meet a straight women who was into ass play as this women was. She fingered me for about 20 minutes till I cum as she masturbated me. I will never, ever, go back to mission/doggy as “the best options” only…
    Any women who enjoys this type of sexuality is numero uno on my list. My ass is yours!

  37. I’m a straight married man and I am crazy for anal play. I wouldn’t have married my wife if she weren’t into playing with my ass. The physical pleasure is mind-blowing, and the emotional experience is extremely gratifying. Anal play has nothing to do with sexual orientation–the notion that it does is an unfortunate myth.
    Any man who has never been rimmed or anally fingered is missing out BIG TIME. I suggest using an enema, washing well, and bending over for your girlfriend. It’s wonderful having your anus licked and then penetrated with a finger or a toy, using lots of KY Jelly. Not only does it feel great doing it, the orgasms (which usually require simultaneous masturbation or oral sex) are INCREDIBLE!

  38. PERHAPS bi? Miss, your husband is most definitely bi.

    So there’s your answer to that. Now the question is how you handle it. Whether or not you can deal with it is an entirely personal thing.

    Good luck.

  39. My husband who claims to be straight, perhaps bi has been with men, woman & trannys.. Ive used a strap on with him and i used to enjoy it… Im not so sure these days about his sexuality and it kills me.. seems like the porn he watches is all geared anally given from all of the above stated.. I understand nerve endings being nerve endings and all, but i once thought it was the fact that I was giving him this pleasure was what was exciting him most, but when he chooses to anally stimulate while masturbating it makes me feel like all he wants is dick, no matter where hes gettin from.. Ive also indulged him in his fantasy to dress up in lingerie and be “taken”…. I am so lost.. I dont have a normal sexual desire myself, which is what i think made me okay with his preferences.. but i just dont know.. im feeling so hurt and lost and i know this isnt like a venting sight but i just had to get it out….

  40. I own an Aneros prostate masssager. I use it when masturbating and while having sex with my wife. The orgasms are mind blowing. I am not gay, I love women and my wife. The only thing that makes you gay is if you are attracted to men.

  41. I’m straight (as in sexually and emotionally attracted to women), but thoroughly enjoy when a man fucks me. The feelings ti provides is amazing–something that a woman cannot do (even with a strap-on).

  42. Hello everyone,

    I realize this is an old thread but I wanted to make a comment. I am a straight man and I love ass play! There I said it. I love it in all its forms. I love giving and receiving. I did not always know I enjoyed it until late in life. I had a girl that licked me there and at first it freaked me out. I knew physically it felt incredible, mentally I was confused. I like a lot of guys thought it must mean I’m gay if I like that, obviously not true. I learned to enjoy it. I have had everything back there from toys to tongues. I have actually been lucky enough to find 3 women that enjoyed the experience as well. All 3 have used a strap on to penetrate me. The feeling of being the “submissive” person is incredible when done with the right woman. It takes a lot of trust to let your woman penetrate you. I love seeing a woman take on a new role and new power. That is an erotic and arousing and exciting sight. I also figured I can’t ask her to do something I’m not willing to do. I’m so gad I tried it. Men who want extra pleasure should try it. I suspect there are alot more men that do but don’t talk about it. I’m glad you had/have this thread, it lets me know I’m not alone in this pleasure. Enjoy everyone!

  43. any man reading this if you have never had your prostate milked while getting oral i feel sorry for you!! most intense male orgasm there is and easy to learn for females, period!!I consider myself an average man. If you do your research you will find many men enjoy this. Woman do too for diff reasons. you have to build up the trust factor with someone you know will not judge no matter how they feel about it.and dont just start out stuffing things in there, step by step. women this is your time to hold the reigns and feel the power your lover feels. its about role reversal not about homosexuality.if for nothing else anything kinky sex acts i want to perform on my gf she should have option to do to me.

  44. Riotact666 – I love anal, so this isn’t a personal complaint, just spotting an inequality on your argument, a finger in his doesn’t equal a cock in hers.. ;0) gotta be even if you’re gonna argue a tit for tat arrangement ;0)

  45. I think that all men and women should at least try some anal play. If a man is willing to let a woman play with his butt, the woman should not be opposed to allowing him to penetrate her anus.

  46. Weither or not a male who likes recieving anul pleasure is gay or streight is not the issue. It is the body itself reacting to what is being done to it. when a person is recieving anul pleasure in what ever form the brain recieves a sort if signal from the anul walls which have super sensative nerves, along with the same stimulation sent to the brain by the prostate. the brain then decides if this is a good or bad stimulation which in turn can be influenced by “mind over matter.” -if the perspn does not believe they will enjoy it from the start then most likely they will convince themselves of that. but if a person is open minded enough to try while in a state of unbiest opinion then the possability of enjoyment is greater.- … anyway… the nurves send a signal to the brain and the brain decides weither this is a good of bad stumilation. i’m not a professional on the subject but in my opinion; (as a man who has experienced anul sex. who is gay) it is the indivituals own comfort level and open mindedness that can truely allow them to decide if anul stumilation feels good to them or not. as well as their own sence of curiosity. .. … if you haven’t experienced anul stumilation then you have no right to give your opinion on weighter it is right or wrong. you can give your opinion on the IDEAH of anul stumilation, but don’t try to convince someone of it is right or wrong if you have no personal experience. hypocritical opinion is the worst kind of opinion. basically all i’m saying here is, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it for yourself.” if you find out that you enjoy it that’s great and if you find out that you don’t enjoy it that’s fine too. (AND if you don;t like this subject matter them just click the “X” at the top right corner of your screne and pretend that you’ve never read this. lol.)

  47. yeah. Good points. I think if you’re doing it with a girl and you refuse to have a nother dude do it to you, it pretty obvious that you just have a fetish for females doing that. So I think you’re not gay. But also remember we all might get certain urges but you actually aren’t born straight or gay. It’s sometihng you usually develop when you’re growing up. Just like how when boys are young they aren’t interested in girls but then they get in high school and they flirt and have sex with all the cheerleader and female flag twirlers.

  48. My girlfriend and I use a strap on a few times a month and I have absolutely ZERO hang ups over it. She is the hottest woman I have ever ever dated and we are madly in love. No confussion here. Its simple for me..I love women and the mutual vulnerability we share with each other leads to the most passionate…deep…soul baring sex I have ever and will ever encounter.


    Get real guys and let go!

    Ohh and by the way…the orgasm I experience when we do have mutual anal sex is MINDBENDING…straight insanity!

  49. Just an aside to the dudes who say “no way!” Especially if you haven’t really explored it (meaning the first 3 times she tried to touch your bung hole you jumped up like a spider bit ya, and screamed like a woman) Did you expect your woman to “love” anal sex the first time you gave it to HER? Did she? Or was it something she found out after some experimenting and learning she either liked or didn’t like? (I can pretty much guarantee it, she DIDN’T like it the first few times….)

    I don’t care if a man has fully investigated the genre and really doesn’t care for it, but for a lot of men it seems to be a knee jerk reaction. “My ass? No way!”

    My concern is anyone leaving out a part of their sexual experience which they REALLY might like or LOVE because of some prejudice or fear.

    Only because I care.

  50. Im only 19 but had a few experiences. Ive had 2 girls finger my ass and 1 rim. Im never afraid to try new things and admit trying it. I do really enjoy a girl fingering my ass, but didnt enjoy the rimming tbh.Im 100% straight and i think if you like it or not it doesnt actually tell anything about the sexuality of the guy. my ex actually wanted to wear a strap on and fuck me up the bum, does that mean shes a lesbian? not at all…well its the same with guys. Your gay if you think a man is hot and you think a hench body and a six pac is sexually attractive…not if you want a GIRL to do stuff to your g spot…for sureee

  51. i think ass play is for everybody! I luv when my women touches or licks my ass! It feels so fuckin good! i luv it! but not gay!

  52. i just dont get it. does it make you get there?? why does it feel good? im a girl and hate having anything put in my ass. it just doesnt feel right. so why do men enjoy it? details

  53. I like it licked but am still no interested in penitration, just preferance….oh yea, i tell everyone…well good friends hbow much fun it is. if you havent tried it you should boys and girls

  54. I have had my share of men who have phobia. And my experience is that they have ragged on the next man about that is gay. But I love to fingered that azz. I like to be able to assit in this and no I don’t think they where gay.
    But just know someting you need to do is try it. Only if he is game.

  55. I’m 45…divorced (for 2nd time) different man. Had lots of “encounters sexually in my life. My last lover…..who had overtones of a “homophobe” , asked me to rim play him w/my toy…another time with my tounge…another time w/my finger…..could tell he loved it. Guess ur never too old to learn!!! I won’t hesitate to go though,,,,but gently with my next lover. I won’t ask or wait to be asked. I will just wait till the time is right and if it’s not for him…leave it alone…but I wonder how many men have wanted it but are too afraid to ask???

  56. my experience…current boyfriend enjoys it and feels no shame in admitting it or asking for it, only if i’m comfortable. bum play is just another tool in the pleasure toolbox : ) . last 2 boyfriends liked a little bit of attention to the bum but would barely admit it.

  57. it’s a turn off for me to be with a man who is so opposed to something that could potentially feel nice because he thinks it is a “homosexual” action. i just want to say to those homophobe guys, “hey, gay men give each other head, too. does that mean you’re gay if you like a little oral?” come on, people, grow up. yep, nerve endings are nerve endings are nerve endings and it something feels nice, why should it ever be shunned? my current boyfriend is very sexual, very open, and very masculine. in our relationship, everything is about feeling good. if it feels nice, it feels nice. there is no shame in enjoying the pleasures that our bodies can give us. sex is a gift, our bodies and orgasms are gifts to enjoy ourselves and to share with our lovers.

  58. shasta – my straight boyfriend likes bum play… Emandlo are right … nerve endings are nerve endings. Some boys won’t play because they are afraid it’ll make them homosexual…but those aren’t fun boys anyway. 🙂

  59. Well put, Slartibart (and Dan Savage!). We agree: nerve endings aren’t straight or gay, and acts aren’t straight or gay, either. We also agree that different men and women enjoy different things in bed. This question was a little tongue-in-cheek, we admit. We do tend to harp on this topic a bit because we think it’s kind of a bummer (heh) that this act could be enjoyable to a lot of men if they weren’t so anal (sorry) about its implications. But it’s also true that plenty of men are totally relaxed about the topic but just plain don’t like it, and that’s fine. We just think you should dislike it for the right reasons. 🙂

  60. Hmmm… It’s beginning to look as though another difference between men and women has been revealed. While it may be a long-established and widely known fact that all women enjoy the same things in the precisely the same ways, early evidence suggests that not all men like exactly the same thing. Curious. A biological population with individual behavioral variation. Who’d-a-thunk-it?

    I vaguely remember reading an advice columnist (possibly Dan Savage) who opined that gay or straight was revealed by *who* someone chooses as a playmate rather than *which* activities are selected. At the time, I thought that seemed pretty reasonable. Still do.

  61. You Guy Friends aren’t helping me here.

    I initially agree with GayEngagedDude. Prostate is the Prostate. I introduced a little outer rim play to my boyfriend of 13 months and he loved it. He never seemed Gay to me.

    Howevva, Straight Single claims he doesn’t like it, Straight Married completely dodged the subject and Amanda’s guy who liked it turned out to be Gay.

    So which is it?

  62. If it feels good, It feels good. I know a guy that loves it and I know another guy that would not even dare sample that.

  63. My bf loves booty play. He might not tell all his friends about it, but in the privacy of our bedroom, he asks for it.

  64. Secretly? This isn’t a big secret, and it is sad if a guy can’t be open about it. I’m surprised people make a big deal of of this.

    Enjoying a finger or toy in your butt doesn’t mean you’re gay, it means you’re adventurous.

    P.S. It’s 2009.

  65. My husband (who im seperated from, not legally, he just walked out) asked me on many occasions for booty play. I think he’s gay, on the downlow, or/and bi-sexual. I feel in my heart that he is. He has done and said a lot of things in the past that has made me question his sexuality. I’ve spoken to many of my straight male friends and they believe he is gay also. I just don’t think its normal for a straight man to want the type of things he has asked me to do to him. Including booty play. That is just how I feel.

  66. I think it’s personal taste.
    some people like ass play, some like bondage, some like roll play.

    sometimes people are too homophobic to try, some just know it’s not for them, and others are willing to try it before deciding.

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